(This is the second part in an on going series dedicated to the many years, going on 8 now, that I have spent as a retail whore.)

That’s fucking teamwork

Since I work in a large store, and I have yet to master the art of being in two places simultaneously, I am forced to work with other people. Given that these people inhabit my life for forty hours a week, I thought that the second part of my retail life (that sounds like a shitty reality show) be dedicated to them.

Now I’m sure most of you have co-workers as well, but I assume that you have jobs requiring a college degree or specialized training or even common sense. None of which are especially needed in the wonderful world of retail, at least not on the front end. Basically a monkey could do this job.

I’m sure this monkey could do a better job then some of the people I have had to work with.

Let me start with the people I work with the most, the cashiers. The two most important traits that this position demands are customer service, and speed. It seems that very few people poses both characteristics. The younger co-workers have the quickness, but seem a little cold toward the customers. The older do not move fast at all, and when that is paired with their desire to chat the customer’s ear off a giant line forms.

I have over heard one customer get mad, and nearly yell at one of the older ladies I work with because she wasn’t moving quickly enough. It made me chuckle.

My first job ever was at a movie theater so I was instilled with a sense of urgency anytime I am put behind a register. It would be helpful if all cashiers were in the same mind set.

I have nothing against old people, but for some reason we tend to hire a bunch of them and they all figure out how to bother me on a daily basis, and they are always put in the position of cashier, so I have to deal with more than my other co-workers. The one that gets to me the most is the woman who is had of hearing and doesn’t have a hearing aid. I have to yell at her any time I talk to her. She doesn’t hear the customers half the time either.

It really should be a law that one has to get a hearing aid at a certain point like glasses.

And while it is important to talk to the customer and treat them well, you don’t need to be their best friend. Let’s keep the conversation confined to the time it take you to ring them up, but ringing them up should be top priority.

Also is a little efficiency too much to ask for? Let’s start bagging the order while they’re digging out the cash, huh?

I like the cashiers that I can just leave alone and they’ll keep their line moving just fine. But when I have to stand at the registers and I can whiz through five customers in the time it takes some to ring up one, that’s when I get angry.

You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

In general there are three main types of co-workers I have. There are the ones who goof around, and don’t get shit done; the ones who don’t goof around and get shit done; and the one who goof around and get shit done.

As far as the first one goes, I like to goof around as much as the next guy, but I don’t like to leave more work for someone, so its important to me to get my shit done. Usually as quick as possible, then I can goof off.

The second one is fine. You’re there to do a job, but all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. That was joke. Lighten up, huh?

Now the third is really my type of people. There really isn’t a good explanation of why one can’t work, and have fun. If you’re a friend of mine whom I know through work, then you obviously get this.

From what I can tell, I am well liked at work. I believe that I am because of my ability to joke around with everybody, but still get my job done with great efficiency. But whichever kind of worker you are, I will take the opportunity to know you.

I think that the most annoying co-workers I have are my managers.

Bold statement, I know. Who has problems with management, ever? The other night I had to cover a shift in the jewelry department. One of my managers told me that I could call so and so if and she could close it down. I told her that I knew how to close at which she responded with “Really? I don’t even know how to close jewelry.” It’s frustrating to know that I know more than my superiors.

Pay me more!

Although I seem to hate all my co-workers, except the cute girl in the make-up department, I guess in the end I’m grateful they’re there. If nothing more than to have them work so I can have a day off. But I’ll probably have their mess to clean up when I go back.

Jerks.

But we’re all in this together.

Lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com