Cru Jones Society

Whenever I tell someone I play in a kickball league, they usually snicker and make some smartass remark asking when dodgeball starts. Dodgeball is in the winter. Warm weather = kickball, you funny motherfucker.

Chances are excellent that depending on your childhood you either have fond memories of these games and the prospect of playing them as an adult excites you to no end, or you want to turn in the other direction and run away at their very mention. I jumped at the chance, and having now played in three different leagues over the course of 8 seasons, I can tell you that it’s not what I expected. It’s still a kids’ game, but the differences from league to league and team to team are amazing. Continue Reading »

After spending last Saturday cowboying it up with Buffalo Bill, small children, and as many hicks as the town of Golden could produce; I desperately needed to get back into my element. My solution? A punk rock show. Luckily for me there were two that evening. The Offspring, Dropkick Murphys, Paramore, and several other bands were playing a large venue show put on by the local alternative rock station. On the other side of town, in a smaller locale, Rancid, MxPx, Murphy’s Law, and I Am Ghost were set to rock out. While I do enjoy Dropkick Murphys and a Few Offspring tunes, my heart will always belong to Rancid, so I made my way to that show. And I do not regret it at all! Continue Reading »

Welcome back to the Business Lists. We’ve got more of the good stuff inside covering everything from the shittiest places to eat lunch, to out of office replies, to songs not to listen to while wearing a suit lest you bum yourself out. You’re only a click away. Let’s make fun of white collar jobs together! Continue Reading »

Every town has a historical figure celebrity; either one that was born in the town, like Cincinnati and Taft; or moved to the town and did something important, comparable to Larry Bird in Boston; or they died in the town; the way Davy Crockett did in San Antonio. The town I grew up in, Golden, CO, has William Frederick Cody. Perhaps you know him better as Buffalo Bill, perhaps you have never heard of him at all. Golden-ites have heard of him, and love him so much that four days every summer are dedicated to his memory. These four days are known as “Buffalo Bill Days.”

Almost every year I lived in Golden, I would make my way downtown and partake in the festivities. Then I moved away and haven’t attended “Buffalo Bill Days” since 2000. So eight years later I decided it was time to experience it again. Now I would like to share with you the events I partook in, and just exactly how enjoyable they were. Continue Reading »

Welcome back to Happy Friday. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve been up to my ass this week with internal meetings, new clients, and all sorts of other happy horseshit none of you are interested in. Thankfully, there’s a fresh batch of tomfoolery baked straight from the internet, nourished by E Dagger, and brought to your computer just beyond the jump. So, if you’re interested in why Los Angeles sucks, where to go if you look like Ernest Hemingway, or what I thought of The Dark Knight, you’re in luck and sit merely a click away… Continue Reading »

Summer officially started a month ago, according to most calendars. While the temperatures in my fair city climbed ever so high and let me know that it was in fact summer time, I’m not sure the cable channel USA has kept up with such current events. For you see the network decided to air a Christmas themed movie. Normally I’d be opposed to this for many reasons, but I ignored those reasons and indulged in the viewing of this movie. The Christmas film of which I speak, and the one the programming department at USA decided to play on this rather warm July evening, was “Elf” starring Will Farrell. Continue Reading »

Dear Television and Appliance Repair Stores,

I begin this letter stating that I had no idea appliance repair stores still existed. I figured this disposable, when something breaks just get a new one, wasteful society had rendered these establishments modern day buggy whip industries. As someone who wastes almost nothing - I have a blue dress shirt from Gap that I received in high school still in heavy rotation - I was pleased to find a multitude of such establishments still alive and kicking due to the recent status of my bedroom television. Continue Reading »

After wasting many hours looking up old Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64 games on Wikipedia, thanks to a link placed on our comment board by Deuce, I searched out my Nintendo 64, hooked it up, and started playing it again. Have enjoyed playing some games from my youth, well the latter part of my youth, ok I played the 64 in high school. I was into pro wrestling and it had good wrestling games. Stop judging me!

I have yet to indulge in either one of the wrestling games I own. I have mainly stuck to three games: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Conker’s Bad Fur Day, and Mario Kart 64. I present to you my thoughts on playing these games now as an adult (I use the term adult loosely.) Continue Reading »

I recently purchased two CDs at Wax Trax, a local independent record store that used to be the source of virtually all my ska and punk CDs because it used to be that you couldn’t find them anywhere. Since the MP3 boom several years ago, trips to Wax Trax and stores like it have decreased for me, and when I paid $37 for my two new discs, I remembered why.

I could have bought these same items for less than $20 on iTunes, so essentially I’m paying $17 for mediocre cover art and liner notes I could have probably found online. This availability does come at a price however. It means you’ve probably bought a fair share of weird crap, horrible crap, and other assorted crap you never listen to 10 minutes after purchase. The impulse buy is easier than ever, and I’m here to show you my music buying misjudgments. Come inside and I’ll show you that iTunes is responsible for a good chunk of the bizarre weirdness that is my collection. And considering I don’t even mention my purchases of Jamiroquai, Alien Ant Farm (something besides “Smooth Criminal”) or the Scissor Sisters, that’s saying something.

Join me, won’t you? Continue Reading »

In what might be an effort to make drinking more fun, or start fights, or create an opening to talk to girls the beer Molson Canadian has created new labels for the back of their bottles. These labels read Answer Honestly: Would You Prefer . . . then two options are given, these options are semi related, in most cases anyway. The first half dozen I had were questions that required no thought at all. The questions involved choices with obvious answers. Something along the lines of, “Would you prefer to bleed from the ears or not bleed from the ears?”

I would like to present to you the questions I have come across in my journey towards drunk, as well as my answers. Maybe we’ll learn that we have more in common than we previously thought. So let’s put the spaghetti in the machine and get this under way. Continue Reading »

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog is the latest creation from Joss Whedon: hero to nerds everywhere. As CJS readers may or may not be aware, Whedon is the original screenplay writer of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, both the original movie and the TV series, of which he was also the executive producer. Whedon also produced Firefly, which I consider to be the greatest (albeit short lived) Sci-Fi television series of all time. Firefly was unfortunately abused by the FOX network and subsequently canceled presumably by the same geniuses who thought it prudent to similarly abuse and then cancel Family Guy in it’s prime. Whedon also co-wrote the screenplay for Toy Story, Alien Ressurection and several episodes of the TV series Roseanne in addition to creating and produced the Buffy spinoff Angel, and most recently has directed several episodes of the American version of The Office.

Continue Reading »

Last night Major League Baseball let it’s all stars take the field in an exhibition game to decided home field for the World Series. As was apparent in an earlier post, almost everyone involved with The Cru Jones Society, the authors and the readers, all love baseball. So I don’t have to tell you that the AL beat the NL 4-3, but I just did.

I’m not here to talk about the All Star game, or the importance of it being played at Yankee Stadium, or how most players are unhappy with the fact that it is the deciding factor in home field for the World Series. What I am going to talk about is something that I have grown to dislike, and almost downright hate, about the game of baseball: the tactics of Oakland Athletics’ minority owner Billy Beane. Continue Reading »

No one enjoys poking fun at Brett Favre more than me. My dream in college was to found brettfavreisacryingbaby.com, but I knew far too little about web design at that point to make this dream a reality. I thought it was a fantastic idea only because Brett Favre is one of the greatest players of all-time and embarrassingly sensitive. More importantly, I didn’t go forth with it because keeping up with such an endeavor would have cut severely into my borderline alcoholic collegiate drinking schedule due to the insane number of instances I would have had to log of Brett Favre either crying, looking like he’s about to cry, or just generally grimacing with misty eyes. I’m amazed the man never played under Dick Vermeil because those two together could outcry a room full of menopausal women watching Terms of Endearment. Continue Reading »

E Dagger welcomes you to the new week by tackling this balls-out action movie starring Angelina Jolie. Considering Lady E and I have made it to the movies approximately 5 times in the last 4 years, I thought it prudent to actually write a review of something topical. Was this movie worth our *son of a bitch!* $19.50?  Read on and find out… Continue Reading »

So far in this month we, or some people, have celebrated Independence Day and Canada Day. But why should we stop there? In keeping with the international holiday theme of July I would like to wish all the CJS readers a happy Bastille Day. Continue Reading »

As well as it being a good day, it is also Free Slurpee day! Every year on July 11th, or 7/11, the 7-11 conevient store chain gives away free Slurpees. Granted they give away the smallest size they have, but free is free right?

With a little bit of planning, some free time, and a car full of gas, you could attempt to hit several 7-11s and end up with a real sized Slurpee.

This is a fairly clever marketing ploy. You get the people in the store, and honestly who hasn’t gone in for one thing and ended up buying beef jerkey, some candy cigarettes, or a Nin Trucker Magazine? They give away an item less than a dolla, but you end up spending at least five. Brilliant!

Not that I’m a 7-11 shill, but seeing as it’s going to be more than 90 goddamn degrees today, I encourage you to take advantage and enjoy a frozen beverage courtesy of 7-11.

Just waking up in the morning gotta thank god
I dont know but today seems kinda odd
No barking from the dogs, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog

Since I’m a dorky white guy, this is naturally my favorite Cube song. It’s also a song that paints a grim picture of urban life where it’s not that things go right to constitute a good day, it’s more that they don’t go wrong and you finish the day with minimal threats on your life and fewer harrowing experiences than normal. This song is urban poetry at its finest and says more about inner city strife than a year’s worth of op-ed columns. Conversely, it’s also been appropriated by frat guys everywhere as a Saturday afternoon drinking anthem, which, by my estimation, misses the point completely. Although I’m guilty of doing this in college myself. Whatever…

This annotates the dichotomy of rap music beautifully. Rap used to stand for a particular set of politics and reflected a portion of the population that until it had rap, had virtually no voice whatsoever. Since the movement went mainstream, rap’s inclusion of political, sociological, and even controversial material (aside from almost trite depictions of violence and misogyny) has been ever dwindling. With ephemeral, meaningless garbage like Soulja Boy and Flo Rida polluting the airwaves, rap stands as a mere parody of itself these days. It used to be fucking scary, now it’s a pure clown act.

The reason I bring this up is because Cube tickets go on sale this Saturday. Having never been to a rap show in my life (unless you count the Kottonmouth Kings, which you shouldn’t - they’re terrible), I have intense curiosity about the experience. But thinking about what a scary dude Cube used to be - and the resultant thuggish crowd that would come out to see him perform - I find myself conflicted about buying tickets.

It’s possible I’m overthinking things - I mean, what kind of real thug has time to go to a concert, anyway - and the crowd will be filled with gawky, uncertain, douchy white guys like me, but still.

It’s also possible Cube ruined his street cred by driving around those bratty kids for two movies and chasing a gigantic snake around the Amazon, but still.

The overarching mythology of what Ice Cube is, what his tenure in N.W.A. means, and the specter of my memory of being frightened of all rappers as a child (aside from kiddie fare like Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer, naturally) prevents me from immediately jumping on the bandwagon and buying tickets.

What about everyone else? Would you see Cube? Do you even like Cube? Am I a quasi-racist tool for worrying about this? Feel free to leave a comment. Let’s discuss…

edagger@crujonessociety.com

(Warning: This is another long post by E Dagger. Just wanted to get that out there before we start.) 

Wake up. 7:30 in the morning. What the hell am I doing up this early? Water World doesn’t open until 10:00 and it only takes about 20 minutes to get there. Oh right, I live with Lady E and she’s got an actual job to go to this morning. She looks pissed. Eh, pissed is probably too strong. Maybe annoyed. Possibly not entirely awake. But definitely at least mildly perturbed. And why shouldn’t she be? She’s got a long day of phone calls and meeting people and I’m spending the day at the greatest water park on earth. Continue Reading »

Have you ever been at a bar (wait let me finish), trying to have a good time, when two of your friends are rationally, or what they think is rationally, arguing, for what feels like a life time, about something stupid, like Dakota Fanning. Both smart people, both more stubborn that a mule that thinks it is a husband in 1950s society. Each coming up with what they believe are legitimate reasons to argue about a fucking 8 year old actress.

That could be annoying to be around.

Though, the two jackasses arguing in the bar did appear to be having fun. If the person who had to experience this had strong feelings either way they would have joined in and probably would have had a better time.

I think we all enjoy a good argument, or rather what I would like to call a “Ball Busting Debate.” Because you’re not going to change your buddy’s mind, but you’ll make points that either a) really get under their skin or b) bust their balls. Under this theory, I present to you the top five “Ball Busting Debate” topics that I have experienced over the years. Please feel free to take a side, and share your opinions, and if they differ from mine I hope you’re prepared to live a life knowing you’re wrong. Continue Reading »

Christmas morning. Of all the days, hell, of all the portions of days on the calendar, this is probably the day kids look forward to most (with the possible temporary exception of the afternoon on the last day of school). The anticipation, the merriment, the copious of amounts of toys, games, and candy, and the guilt-free nature of the unabashed materialism of it all makes it the best day of the year for a kid. If I interviewed 100 kids, I’d bet that 95 of them would tell me that Christmas Day is their favorite day of the year with 3 kids choosing their birthdays as the best, and one weird, fat kid who likes Halloween above the rest.

And then there’d be that one totally bizarre kid who didn’t choose any of the above and instead marked the day he went to Water World each year as the most awesomely excellent circled date on the calendar hands down, case closed, argument over.

My name is E Dagger, and I was that kid. Continue Reading »