Cru Jones Society

Welcome back to Happy Friday. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve been up to my ass this week with internal meetings, new clients, and all sorts of other happy horseshit none of you are interested in. Thankfully, there’s a fresh batch of tomfoolery baked straight from the internet, nourished by E Dagger, and brought to your computer just beyond the jump. So, if you’re interested in why Los Angeles sucks, where to go if you look like Ernest Hemingway, or what I thought of The Dark Knight, you’re in luck and sit merely a click away…

Before we get to the links, here are some quick (I know what you’re thinking – E Dagger can’t write anything, not even a greeting card, in under 1000 words, but I promise, these will be short), one paragraph reviews of some stuff that I need to get out this week before they’re no longer topical. Let’s get to it. 

Alkaline Trio – Agony & Irony 

Alkaline Trio provides some of the tastiest dark punk rock this side of My Chemical Romance, and has done it for longer. So naturally, this album continues their streak of excellence. Where Crimson was painfully pretentious in parts, Agony & Irony is just good old dark fun. Rays of hope break through the (ironically?) macabre imagery and make this album a worthy addition to your catalog. It’s not their best, but a solid choice for good listenings.

Less Than Jake – GNV FLA

I really hated their last album, and you can read all about that in the archives of The 7th Level.com (site currently not functioning). Since Less Than Jake is free from their corporate label burden, they’re free to do what they do best. And that’s ska-core intensity with creative horn lines and singable lyrics. Gone is the overbearing introspection of past mistakes and endless lamentations of opportunities lost. Here is uptempo, furious 3rd wave ska played like only LTJ can. They’re back, and judging by their latest concert, they’re here to stay.

Less Than Jake – Gothic Theatre, 7.20.08

No one puts on a better show than LTJ, and they proved it here. When you see some bands, you know exactly which songs from their catalog they’ll play. When you see Less Than Jake, everything is up for grabs. And they never disappoint. This show was no different. The surprise was Suburban Legends. Suburban Legends = Reel Big Fish + N’Sync. I couldn’t possibly care less about dancing, but watching otherwise idle horn players do choreographed dance moves to poppy ska/dance music was Skittles for the eyes. They have an incredibly well-choreographed show which brings another dimension to a standard ska show. Hart and I ended up buying two of their CDs on the strength of their show alone. I can’t speak for Hart, but their music is decent too.

Wipeout – Tuesdays, 7:00 p.m., ABC

Don’t waste your time. If you love MXC, you’ll hate this. The events are slow and too fucking long. The commentary is unfunny to the point of being cringe-worthy. And they try to force feed you wackiness when none is necessary. They’re already running on a giant treadmill dodging obstacles, why do they have to wear flippers too? Pass.

The Dark Knight

I can’t get enough emotional distance from this movie to analyze it properly. I loved it. I loved everything about it. It’s just as good as you heard, and better. People ask me if Heath Ledger got all the hype because he died. To be honest, when I was watching, I forgot it was even Heath Ledger. He’s that good. Best movie of the year for me so far, and I can’t wait to see it again. Great plot. Great performances. Great stunts. See this movie and see it now.

Here are this week’s links:

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Sanity prevails! I thoroughly enjoyed watching the U.S. Judicial System spit in the eye of our very own United States Content Gestapo and toss out the fine against CBS for Nipplegate (a.k.a. Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction). Any time the FCC takes one in the ass, and by extension, Parent Advocacy groups do too, I’m a happy camper. We’re talking about a partially exposed breast that was on TV for 9/16 of one second. Isn’t it possible that everyone is just a wee bit too sensitive about this?

When I was in high school I stayed with a family in Spain for a couple of weeks, and the local news ran a story about Mardi Gras. Titties all over the news! They showed people shaking their asses in ridiculous and see through costumes not for titillation (no pun intended), but as a function of accurately reporting the news. I looked around shocked for a moment at my good fortune of enjoying the news for the first time in my young life, and saw looks of sheer, and utter complacency on my host family’s face. No one even batted an eyelash, and at that point I realized just how ass backwards our country is. It’s the human body, fer chrissakes. Why are we so weird about it?

Bravo to the courts for calling the FCC’s decision “arbitrary and capricious.” Of course, that begs the question: When is any one of the FCC’s decisions not arbitrary and capricious?

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Lunacy, as well as the furthering of a nanny state, continues in Los Angeles.

In terms of geography, climate, availability of natural resources, tourist attractions, and just pure fun, California is probably the best place on earth to live. There’s no denying that. I will be goddamned if I could ever live there, though.

Their government is completely out of control trying to legislate everything under the sun and make everyone’s decisions for them. Our latest example: The Los Angeles City Council is trying to prevent any more fast food restaurants from entering a 32 square mile chunk of the city.

What a crock of shit. Remember when fast food used to be fun? Your mom would take you to, in my case, McDonald’s for some innocent cheeseburgers, creepy-but-good-natured clowns, a whimsical hamburger-stealing convict, an awesome Playland, and soft serve ice cream. Fast food restaurants have become the new tobacco companies. There’s no need to make people’s choices for them; you’re money is better spent on education programs preaching healthy eating. Fast food should be fun again, not barred from setting up shop in areas of town. Los Angeles is loony.

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This just in on Brett Favre: He’s still a dumb redneck.

Nice job, cornpone. Good luck getting a job now, you sensitive-toothed, acid reflux-having, interception-throwing, “God he looks like a kid/mystical gunslinger out there!” crying weenie.

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In sports news I actually give a crap about, two of the greatest pound-for-pound fighters in the entire world did what they do best. Anderson Silva and Fedor Emelianenko spent less than two minutes combined on their respective components.  Sheer domination by both men put the exclamation point on a huge night of mixed martial arts fighting. Since their fights were so brief, the world hopes they’ll fight again soon to showcase their unparalleled skills one more time.

Here is a good breakdown of each fighter from the best MMA columnist around. If you’re a fan of mixed martial arts on any level, Kevin Iole is just about the only guy you need to read for breaking news, insightful commentary, and exclusive interviews. He and Dave Meltzer update just about everyday, so here’s another good way to waste time at work.

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I was a bit bummed when I read that Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper would not be returning to “At the Movies.” I was never a regular viewer, but whenever I did catch it, I’d always think, “Damn, I gotta remember to Tivo this next time.” Siskel and Ebert elevated movie criticism to a new level, and after Siskel’s passing in 1999, Roeper stepped up and carried on the show’s high-minded analysis. Roger Ebert is easily the best movie critic of all-time, and one of the foremost media critics ever. I’ve spent many hours reading his old reviews, and for my money, there’s not another film critic that matters.

Here’s his statement about the show not continuing, here’s the story about Roeper,  and here’s the story about the two asshats who’ll replace them.

It’s good to see Ebert & Roeper will continue somewhere else, so I suppose all hope is not lost. Plus, there’s always the website with one of the most glorious archives ever constructed.

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Here’s a piece I thoroughly enjoyed hating this week.  Any time someone makes a list of Best Whatever of All Time or Most Influential Whatever of All Time, I’m dubious. In creating a list such as this, you’re attempting to quantify the unquantifiable and categorize that which defies category. Articles like this function only for its authors to exert authorial arrogance over their readers and assert their own self-perceived intellectual superiority.

Top 5 best punk bands of all time? Even if you could theoretically answer this question, why would you want to? What does it prove? Do you really need this type of external validation to justify your music choices? Just like what you like, and move the fuck on. Debating this is pointless.

As you might expect from an article like this, it devolved into another tired “who started punk?” debate. To quote Stevo from SLC Punk: “Another thing that pissed me off, talking about who started punk rock. Was it Sex Pistols in England? Was it the Ramones and the Velvet Underground in New York? Is it the Ramones? Is it the Sex Pistols? Who cares who started it? It’s music. I don’t know who started it, and I don’t give a fuck.” And neither should you. Take lists like these always with a grain of salt.

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On the other hand, here’s a list I can get on board with! This is a list that clearly doesn’t take itself too seriously despite dealing with truly despicable people.  Thank God someone still has a sense of humor around here.

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Do you look like Ernest Hemingway?

Then next year it would behoove you to get your ass down to Key West and win yourself… um, a prize – the article never really says what the winner got. Hell, even if you don’t look like Hemingway, you should probably get down to Key West anyway. I’ve been to Sloppy Joe’s Bar and the Hemingway House, and I must say the entire experience is one of my all-time favorites. Of course, maybe you don’t you like Hemingway so much. No matter, you can always visit the Southernmost Point in the United States, the Southernmost Street, Southernmost restaurant, and, so help me God, the Southernmost Best Western Hotel. It’s a strange thing to be proud of, but on the east end of the island, there’s about 17 Southernmost things right in a row that has to be seen to be believed.

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It was mentioned in the comments section a while back, but Sporcle.com is probably the best time waster I have ever encountered. And it’s updated daily!

Although, there’s a yin and a yang to this site. It’s glorious to take quizzes that test your mind and waste your company’s money on fun subjects like trying to name as many pitchers with 3000 strikeouts as you can, or trying to remember as many beer slogans as you can. However, it’s humiliating when you take the state capital quiz and miss 5 on your first try. Or when you’re missing, like, 18 of the countries of Europe. Cripes! I’ve never felt worse about something so inconsequential in my entire life. But at least I’m trying…

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And finally, you know those funny demotivational posters everyone loves like this one or this one? Well, apparently you can make your own ri’chere!

Since I read an ungodly amount of newspapers online each day (Not even for fun, someone pays me to do this!), when I found this picture, I knew it was time I created my own. Find it below and enjoy!

Happy Friday, mofos! See you next week!

edagger@crujonessociety.com