Cru Jones Society

The summer games of the XXIX Olympiad began on Friday. As was mentioned by Dagger in Happy Friday #9: Amanda Beard Edition we here at CJS planned on doing an Olympic preview. Well, what better time for a preview than after they have already started? The Olympics are just how we left it, with the U.S.A. in charge! Ok not completely, as I write this they’re tied in the medal race with China at 8 apiece. China’s synchronized divers just won another gold. I should move on before this becomes three pages of medal updates. So what follow is a few of my thoughts on this opening weekend of the Olympics.

As usual the Olympics started with the opening ceremonies. A giant extravaganza that ends with the lighting of the giant Olympic cauldron. With the Olympics being held in the most populous country on earth, giant may be understatement.

The ceremonies began with what looked like 18,346 Chinese men banging drums, those large traditional canvas drums. Every one of these gentlemen was perfectly in sync with one another. When the camera would switch to a wide overhead shot and the television screen was filled with arms flailing away in arrhythmic fashion, I got a little anxious. The one time in my life I was happy I didn’t have a larger T.V. set or HD.

If such large numbers could organize so well, I really hope we don’t go to war against them, ever.

During the performance piece of the ceremonies, NBC experienced technical difficulties. My first thought was that government has decided to censor whatever the Chinese were trying to show us. Alas it wasn’t government censorship, but rather the result of a multi-billion dollar company not having their shit together.

The incredible, upscale performance was followed by the parade of athletes. I’m not sure why I watched this. Just country after country that I know nothing about walking into the stadium, half of which only have a few people competing.

One of the incredible things about the Olympics is the way people will put aside differences. The opening ceremonies commentators, Bob Costas and Matt Lauer, whose hair is really thinning, mentioned that the were curious about how the crowd would react when some countries, like Iraq and Transylvania, entered the stadium. All politics were put aside and positive reactions filled the air.

The Americans made their entrance and I beamed with the patriotic pride I always find during the Olympics. The patriotism wasn’t enough to keep me awake though. I fell asleep and missed the torch entering and the lighting of the colossal flame that burns throughout the games. Shucks!

When I awoke the next morning I didn’t hesitate to turn on the Olympics. The morning and afternoon Olympics are fun to watch because the events that are shown are usually the ones that don’t interest most of the country. The reasoning is twofold: Either the American team doesn’t have strong competitors in the event, or it is an event that is generally not embraced by the American public, like soccer.

These events include water polo, which I get exhausted just watching. I just think about trying to tread the water for as long as they do and I’m done. Badminton and table tennis also usually get the morning and afternoon death slots. They’re a couple of games I like to refer to as “backyard games” and I’m a little surprised they’re Olympic events. I like to watch them, but I’m still surprised the Olympics feature activities I do while drinking. I watched handball for the first time, didn’t care for it. It’s like soccer only you use your hands instead of your feet.

So far my favorite thing to watch has been beach volleyball. It’s easy to follow, exciting to watch, and has some of the best looking women competing. I know Limon agrees because I received a text message from him telling me that wants to make friends with Misty May’s tremendous hiney. Indeed, Limon, indeed. Though I also enjoyed watching the men’s beach volleyball as well. Not as much, but not bad.

As we move into the evening hours we find the events of swimming, diving, and gymnastics. Swimming is getting a lot of attention because of Michael Phelps and his quest to be the most decorated Olympic athlete. He has won two gold medals already in these games. Two more and he sets the record. In the men’s 400 IM he destroyed the world record. It is pretty incredible to watch this man swim. Out of the water though he strikes me as a very awkward individual, kind of like Aquaman, hmmm.

Now that I think about it, have we ever seen Aquaman and Michael Phelps together? Makes you wonder…

There are still two more weeks of the Olympic games, which means there are still two more weeks of me acting like “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, and chanting “USA! USA!” at every little race, game, point, or well executed move that any American athlete wins, gets, or executes. As long as they continue to win at the Olympics, I will continue to win at yelling! So I hope you stay glued to the games like I will be, and if you know a good drinking game for the Olympics let me know. God knows I can’t play badminton or table tennis AND watch TV at the same time.

“USA! USA!”

See ya at the podium . . .

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com