I’m coming after you, Jack Nicholson, er um, I mean Jack Nicklaus! 

Although I am taking a brief detour from our Olympic coverage, I will still be talking about sports, sort of. There’s a very good chance that this particular sport may never be an Olympic event, though I would much rather watch it than any equestrian event. On a side note, are the horse riders put through the same drug testing policies as the other athletes? What about the horses? What kind of enhancing drugs would the riders take? Are there horse socks? Well before my mind wondered I was getting to the wonderful sport known as putt-putt, or miniature golf. Why, during a time of incredible athletes breaking world records, would I bring up putt-putt? Well after the jump you’ll find out.

Last week I was invited, along with all the interns and summer help, to a meeting. Sounds like no big deal, I was going to blow it off, but there was free pizza. At this meeting we learned that the company I work for does this annual putt-putt tournament.

Sounds fun, but why did we have to have a meeting for this?

The tournament takes place at our office. The course spans three of the four floors we occupy. At the time of the meeting the course didn’t exist. It was up to the nine of us to design and build the course. So my job, in the oil and gas industry, was to create a creative, playable, and fun putt-putt course.

Awesome!

So we broke off into groups of three, and each group took a floor and six holes, go ahead check the math. I was the only one that did not have, nor was I working on an engineering degree. These were the type of people that were building the Great Wall with their Legos while I still reading the instructions for the set that came in a Happy Meal. But I wasn’t discouraged. What I lacked in design and construction technique I made up for in creativity, sure some ideas were a bit elaborate and not feasible to do in a ten-foot wide hallway.

Our group came up with a theme based on movies that appeal mainly to nerds. We had holes based on “Star Wars,” “Spider-Man,” “King Kong,” “Batman,” “LOTR,” (that’s “Lord of the Rings” to those that don’t read elfin. I really just nerded up this web site.) And our last hole wasn’t based on a particular movie; it had a UFO slash alien theme. Though while setting up we ran out of time and didn’t get any of the alien shit put up. So it was just a shot down a flight of stairs, but it was fun.

While our holes weren’t as elaborate as the others, they were more playable. For instance, hole number two. First you had to shoot around a corner, then there was a ramp that had to be used, no option to go around, after that another ramp with no option to get around. Finally the hole was atop a pyramid that was nearly impossible to get up.

THAT’S NOT HOW WINDMILLS WORK! GOOD NIGHT!

The group that designed that hole also designed one with a three-hole option. If you made it into one hole you were to add three strokes to your score. If you chose either of the other two you added one. You didn’t know which was which until afterwards. The main problem I had with this was that I felt like I was penalized for getting it in any hole. I felt that even if it were possible to get a hole in one, my score would still have been two. Maybe this group doesn’t fully understand golf, or at least how it’s scored.

But whatever, these weren’t professional golf course designers, and it was all for fun, so I guess I’ll let it slide, this time.

Now that the courses were designed and set up it was time to play them. Tee time was 2 o’clock, Monday afternoon. That’s right the middle of the day on a Monday. We were playing miniature golf instead of doing work. Oh and it gets better. The company not only supplied beers for us, but also encouraged us to drink them. The beers were pushed around on a cart like on a real golf course. There were also pages letting everyone know the location of the beer cart.

I left the office after not having done any real work all afternoon, and I had a nice buzz going. Beats the hell out of my best day in retail. The only downside was that the rest of the week was still ahead, and it would all be work. Oh well, at least I was drinking at work and didn’t get fired.

I now return you to CJS’ coverage of the XXIX Olympia.

Anyone speak or read Czech?

See ya at the podium . . .

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com

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