“Why did I feel the need to watch badminton until midnight? Geez!” 

A mea culpa from E Dagger, an excerpt from the article that was, and a link that is neither here nor there, but funny as hell. I’ll explain after the jump.

I started this week feeling fine, but deteriorated somewhere along the line on Monday. Thankfully I had plenty to do at work that day, so I didn’t notice that I was gradually feeling shittier and shittier. I came home and sneezed and sneezed like the loser who can’t handle his first line of coke, forced myself to stay awake while I watched the season finale of “The Mole” (I will never forgive Lady E for getting me into this) and woke up feeling even shittier.

I thought about calling in sick, but since I’m going to the Rockies game Thursday afternoon, I figured that might be a tad suspicious. So, like Bill Gramatica kicking for arena league standouts the Tampa Bay Storm after hilariously tearing his ACL celebrating too much after a 1st quarter field goal during his brief NFL career, I pressed on.

So here I sit on Wednesday night staring at half an article that spends equal time 1) shredding the awful bitch who miserably needles all the divers in a monotone shrew-like manner 2) praising Dan Hicks and Rowdy Gaines for not only managing not to detract from exciting swimming races (like most average announcers would do) and actually enhancing the experience; and 3) standing in awe of the force of nature that is Bela Karolyi. Here’s an excerpt:

“Whereas what’s-her-annoying-voice from the diving meets could find fault with a post-World War II ticker tape parade (“I appreciate the enthusiasm with which the returning sailor kissed his future bride after heroically surviving Normandy Beach, but his arm placement is not what his commanding officers taught him.”), Dan Hicks and Rowdy Gaines bring appropriate patriotic excitement to each event while avoiding irritating jingoist cheerleading. Dan Hicks’ call of the relentlessly exciting Men’s 4X100 freestyle relay should go down as one of the finest sports calls of all time. Dan Hicks is the anti-Joe Buck, who made David Tyree’s unbelievable helmet catch sound like a 2nd and 4 dive play, and I’m just thrilled to pieces we actually have a competent broadcaster calling the sport nearest and dearest to my heart. Bela’s appraisal: ‘YES! YES! ILIKEIT! VERYVERYGOOD! YAH-HAHHAHAHA! (furious double barrel fist pumps above his head)’”

Unfortunately, I’m delirious from allergy medicine, short on sleep due to staying up late every night catching up on the events on Tivo, and still dripping snot like a Garbage Pail Kid or John Kricfalusi cartoon. The forces are conspiring against me to finish this article about announcers – one of my favorite topics (Quick aside: When Hart and I lived together, we used to keep a Bobby “The Brain” Heenan action figure on top of the television in hopes that his mere presence could make television commentators better by osmosis. Worked on Len Kasper and Bob Brenly. George Frazier, not so much.).

Respect The Brain, ham-n-egger.

I hope to revisit this next week, but until then, enjoy Happy Friday and I’ll see you next week when, for fuck’s sake, I may have stopped sneezing. Here’s a hilarious article from Cracked.com (Yeah, Cracked.com. I know, I was surprised too) that I enjoyed this week having nothing to do with anything. With regard to the article, I’d much rather have Syndey Deane than Billy Hoyle on my team, but that’s just me.