Cru Jones Society

Last summer I became a fan of the South Carolina Buzz. For those unfamiliar with the Buzz, they are the AAA affiliate of the Minnesota Twins. I know most of you may be thinking ‘WTF, Hart? You were born and raised in Colorado, you’ve been and A’s fan for 20 years, and a Rox fan for 12. Why are you into the Twins AAA team?” Well, loyal CJS reader, it’s all because of a film I saw last summer. The film followed the Buzz through their 1998 season, a season that any minor league player would love to have had. Join me as recount this classic tale of the underdog. Continue Reading »

Another season of baseball is in the books, and I must say, it was a weird one. Perennial doormats the Tampa Bay Rays won the American League East, the Brewers returned to the playoffs for the first time since many of our CJS readers were born, and the National League West went from the best division in baseball to unflinchingly sucking the meat missile. We have lots to talk about, so come on inside.

(One note: I realize the picture above is of the 2007 Ryan Spilborghs celebrating an NLCS victory, but why can’t we re-visit that glory once in a while? Plus, it gives me an opportunity to mention how much I love Spilly on Rockies All Access. Instead of having five idiotic, unfunny reality show hosts bringing us the Emmys, why couldn’t Spilly do it? He’s fantastic! Can we have him do the Oscars? Would Billy Crystal mind? Can we make sure Spilly stays in Colorado if for no other reason (good defense, .300 average, terrific speed aside) than to have him answer emails on Rockies All Access? How many rhetorical questions can I ask in this intro? Five? Six? Apparently seven. Ok, I’m done. On with the article…) Continue Reading »

Won’t you be my neighbor? No? Really? I’m quiet, and I keep to myself. I promise not to lower your property value. Why don’t you think about it? Maybe by the end of the article you’ll change your mind. Continue Reading »

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you  on behalf of the Garmin Corporation for your purchase of the Garmin Forerunner^® 305; the Pinnacle in mobilized GPS-enabled wrist mounted fitness technology.  Continue Reading »

I ride the bus everyday to and from work. I enjoy not having to deal with the traffic myself, or search for reasonable parking day after day, or the wear and tear on my car. It also gives me the opportunity to catch up on my reading. What I could do without are all the other people who ride the bus. Continue Reading »

What happens when you’ve got a bunch of nonsense rattling around in your brain - none of which merits its own column? Why, you slap it all together in one haphazard collection and call it Random Musings, of course! C’mon in! Continue Reading »

This weekend I walked passed several Goth kids. I could only assume they were heading to the graveyard to write poems about death and how pointless life is. I didn’t judge since I was on my way to spoil my liver and destroy myself one internal organ at a time.

The image of those kids dressed all in black, hanging out at a cemetery kept haunting my head. I soon began to think about death myself. I wasn’t thinking about it a morbid way, well not completely morbid; it is death after all, there’s bound to be some morbidity. I was thinking about it more in a fun way. I was considering the coolest ways to go. Ways that would make someone look twice when they read it in the obituaries. So here they are: The top 5 ways I’d like to die. Continue Reading »

Welcome back to Happy Friday. Lots of good stuff awaits a click away, so don’t be shy. And nevermind Gordon Gekko there. He’s just enjoying one last smoke before the villagers come with pitchforks and torches to burn him and the rest of the assholes putting us on the hook for billions of dollars to bail out private industry down. He won’t bother you. Although his white collar and cuff on a colored shirt look seems to be coming back into vogue, which is possibly even worse. If you have the urge to buy a shirt like this, just watch Office Space, and see why you shouldn’t.

Mmm kay? I’m gonna have to go ahead and ask you to click that link to the right. Continue Reading »

It’s that time of the year when the weather begins to cool, the leaves are on the brink of changing colors, and television is gearing up for new episodes and new series. I can’t say I’m looking forward to any new series, despite NBC’s best efforts to promote them. You watched the Olympics; you know what I’m talking about. Christian Slater is his own worst enemy! Molly Shannon plays plans to annoy the piss out of you… AGAIN!

Sure I’m looking forward to “The Office” and “30 Rock,” but who isn’t? What follows are the four other shows that I’m really looking forward to. Don’t touch that dial, or wait, um touch that mouse and read on? Continue Reading »

You can blame the Wal-Mart $5 bin for this one. Or you can blame my collection of weird-to-awful VHS tapes (Species, Over the Top, Best of the Best 2, Demon Knight, anyone?). Hell, you can blame my parents for making me an only child causing me to spend an ungodly amount of time watching pay cable and an inordinate number of shitty movies during adolescence.

Whatever the reason, I have some weird shit in my DVD collection. And it’s not like I have one of those giant DVD collections either where there’s bound to be some bizarre crap that sneaks in by osmosis. Nope, between Lady E and myself, we have approximately 70, which sounds like a lot at first blush, but pales in comparison to the astonishing treasure troves kept by most Americans. By contrast, I only buy discs that rarely get shown on television and discs that have peculiar re-watchability. Are any of these movies on your list? Click on and find out. Continue Reading »

I have no problem with films that have obvious lies. Like an alien eating candy off the ground, a family living with Bigfoot, or that all it takes to convince people that your dead boss is still alive is a pair of sunglasses and clever movement. Those are all fine. It’s the small, subtle lies that I have grown to loathe. What follows are the lies that I found to be the most irritating. Continue Reading »

Everyday the people around you say things that get under your skin. Chances are excellent they say them repeatedly and every time they do, your rage pool bubbles a little more violently deep in the pit of your stomach causing you to both resist the urge to shout “Stop saying that, you fuckin’ idiot!” right in their face, and making that burgeoning ulcer just a little bigger.

If you don’t have any phrases that inspire this reaction within you, congratulations on not paying attention your whole life. I’ll wake you when the cartoons come back on.

For the rest of you, here are seven of mine. Come on in. These are in no particular order. Continue Reading »

Regulators.

We regulate any stealing of his property, and we’re damn good, too! But you can’t be any geek off the street; you gotta be handy with steel, if you know what I mean, earn your keep!

REGULATORS! MOUNT UP! Continue Reading »

Movies have been made since the beginning of time about people’s professions and places of business. This is no surprise considering how much of our lives is dominated by work. This is the only reasonable explanation for people finding Dilbert funny.

No matter your place of business, you add the word “bikini” to it, you’ve not only increased your sales 300% (provided you sell goods marketed at middle school aged boys), you’ve got yourself a staple of mid-90s softcore porn movies! Come on inside as we count down the 6 greatest bikini professions in cinema history. Continue Reading »

Some how I ended up reading an interview with Yuri from MxPx. I’m not sure which is more tragic, me reading the interview, or the fact that his name is Yuri. He mentioned that the band was just putting the final touches on a cover album. He said it was going to be an all 80’s cover album, but that it wouldn’t be the same old 80’s covers. Whatever Yuri, you go back to being the most unlikely chick magnet since this guy. The mention of the cover album got me thinking about my favorite cover songs. Now I thought I would share with everyone my five favorites. So if you’re tired of listening to the versions of songs with the “you fucked up” noise that Guitar Hero brings, give one of these ones a shot. Continue Reading »

Monday, August 11: That was my last cigarette. I was driving home from work, smoked the last one in the pack, and haven’t had one since. That was just over four weeks ago, two days shy of a month. I hadn’t planned on quitting that evening, it just sort of happened. I think that’s better than building up to it since I didn’t have time to worry about it. My mom tells me when I was growing up that she would never tell me anything in advance because I’d just worry myself to death about it. That’s why the spontaneous quit worked so well. I never saw it coming.

I didn’t use gum. I didn’t use a patch. I didn’t join a support group. I just up and quit. After 8 years, just dropped it like that. I had help from this book, but that just confirmed what I always subconsciously knew. Quitting smoking has been surprisingly easy, but it hasn’t been without its surprises. Let me explain… Continue Reading »

The recent Democratic and Republican conventions as well as the impending election have me reflecting upon this current administration. I’ll admit, there are scant few things that I will miss about the Bush administration, but White House Press Secretary Dana Perino’s regular press briefings aired on CNBC at completely random times in the middle of the day is probably at the top of my list. Continue Reading »