Cru Jones Society

 

Regulators.

We regulate any stealing of his property, and we’re damn good, too! But you can’t be any geek off the street; you gotta be handy with steel, if you know what I mean, earn your keep!

REGULATORS! MOUNT UP!

It’s that time of year where hockey hasn’t begun, and my baseball teams have missed their chance for the post season. Leaving me with two options: a) cheer on the Cubs, or b) watch football.

Hold on I’m thinking. Here’s some football related links to check out while I ponder my inquery.

Every year Colorado State University plays football against The University of Colorado and the Air Force Academy. Apparently that’s not enough Colorado teams for CSU to face. And since engineers don’t use their smarts to play football like Kid in “Class Act,” that means Colorado School of Mines was out, leaving only the University of Northern Colorado. Check the article and tell me you didn’t do a double take like I did after reading that the first game ended in a 5-5 tie. 5-5? Maybe somebody was point shaving.

While I do enjoy the occasional game I am inclined to agree with The Assimilated Negro about football.

Sigh, the Cubs it is, I guess.

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A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Boba Fett made bounty hunting awesome. Two days ago, in a county not too terribly far from here, Dog has carried on the tradition of bounty hunting bad assery. Although he didn’t capture Dr. Richard Kimble before being waylayed with constant ramblings about a one-armed man, Dog did round up several meth heads and check frauders (frauders?) in or around Grand Junction. Which I am all right with. And, judging from the comments section, his fans are as crazy about him as “Star Wars” (it’s George Lucas’s vision) fans are about Boba Fett.

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Every fan of the Colorado Rockies knows the date April 9, 1993. That was the day of the inaugural game at Mile High Stadium. Ask anybody what stands out most about that game and they will tell you it was Eric Young’s lead off homer in the first inning. With continued excellence on the field, E.Y. became a fan favorite and still remains a fan favorite despite only being a Rockie for four out of his fourteen-year career. It has been announced that E.Y. will retire as a Colorado Rockie today. There will be a huge celebration prior to tonight’s game. I guess they gotta do something to distract us from the five games the Rox just lost.

Sigh, go Cubbies.

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Grand Master B was the rap alter ego of Bud Bundy. Even though this was an obvious parody on the newly popular rap scene, you have to admit that the name wasn’t that bad. Compared to this list, Grand Master B sounds like Busta Rhymes.

A name I feel is missing from that list is Skee-Lo. Maybe if he hadn’t wasted a wish on a rabbit in a hat with a bat, he could have wished for a better name. Of course, Skee-Lo is the same man who wants to name his kids ghetto names, so he probably just doesn’t know any better.

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In a hearty fuck you to Antonio Alfonseca, here’s this article. You have an extra finger on each hand, Antonio, and yet a man with only one hand pitches a no-hitter and uses his celebrity to advance the cause of disabled people all across America. Eat shit, you twelve fingered son of a bitch.

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Since everyone loves lists and I love starting arguments over stupid things (Lord Palmerston), and since Billboard creates lists of idiotic stuff that change weekly, I give you a bunch of “All Time Top Whatever” lists that are sure to start many an argument. Irrelevant to any list is my stance of fuck The Beatles!

Since we’re on the subject of bands that are overrated, I found this article both awesome and helpful. If you like Oasis, because you’re in some kind of cult that forces you to like them (I assume that the only way anyone likes Oasis is if they are required to in order to be accepted onto an imaginary space ship) and don’t want to punch them in the face, the tactics in which to do so can be applied to almost any celebrity.

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Many spices were first used to preserve food, like sausage. Then, as technology advanced spices were used to flavor food, like sausages. And in this day and age spices are used as a weapon when burglarizing homes, and so are sausages. At least by this mad man.

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Now that you’re thinking about 8 inches of meat to the face, I give you this week’s demotivator:

See ya in the pit, where rhythm is life and life is rhythm . . .

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com