Cru Jones Society

Last summer I became a fan of the South Carolina Buzz. For those unfamiliar with the Buzz, they are the AAA affiliate of the Minnesota Twins. I know most of you may be thinking ‘WTF, Hart? You were born and raised in Colorado, you’ve been and A’s fan for 20 years, and a Rox fan for 12. Why are you into the Twins AAA team?” Well, loyal CJS reader, it’s all because of a film I saw last summer. The film followed the Buzz through their 1998 season, a season that any minor league player would love to have had. Join me as recount this classic tale of the underdog.

The story begins with Twins owner Roger Dorn attending a minor league game where he watches old friend, and aging pitcher, Gus Cantrell, struggle through the game. Following the game Dorn approaches his long time friend and offers him the position of managing a club in his farm system. A club so bad they make the Tampa Bay Devil Rays of yore look like the Rays of today.

Cantrell accepts.

Cantrell meets his team for the first time after spring training and quickly learns exactly why these men are not on the Twins. Here’s a quick run down of the lineup. You may have heard of one, possibly two players, but that’s doubtful.

The Buzz carry two starting pitchers. There’s Hog Ellis who can’t throw anything but fastballs, and Carlton “Doc” Windgate whose fastball can’t be clocked because the radar gun doesn’t pick up anything under 55mph.

Playing catcher is Rube Baker. Four years prior Rube was in the majors after successfully overcoming a problem he had getting the ball back to the pitcher. Unfortunately that problem has returned and become worse. Now he tends to over throw all the infielders as well.

Frank “Pops” Morgan, a life long outfielder, has been reassigned to first base because he is, and I quote Cantrell, “Too old, too fat, and too slow to play outfield.”

A pair of identical twins, with the same name, Juan Lopez (I’m not making that up. Why would anyone make that up? If that were made up it would be one of the lamest jokes ever) play second base and shortstop. Being siblings the two tend to fight a lot.

The film doesn’t make it clear who plays third. It’s one of two players, Lance Pere, a former ballet dancer, and Billy “Downtown” Anderson. Whichever one doesn’t play third plays outfield. Anderson is the best batter on the team and the film decides to focus on that aspect as opposed to his fielding.

Pedro Cerrano is another outfielder. Pedro use to be in the majors. When I watched this film I couldn’t figure out why he was in the minors. Cerrano used to have difficulty hitting curve balls, but he seems to be hitting everything just fine.

The film never explains it, but Cerrano and Cantrell know each other from years before. The film leaves many holes to be filled in. Cantrell apparently also knows the other outfielder. Though he is not playing the first day.

While on the bus to a road game, they notice a putt-putt place called “Taka’s.” Assuming that the ball player operates it that Cantrell and Cerrano once knew, they stop. Sure enough it is. It’s at this point that I can only assume that the filmmakers took some creative liberties.

Calling all the games is former big league announcer Harry Doyle. Make me wonder which women’s college basketball team he insulted that got him booted down to minor league ball.

Now that the team is complete they can get back to trying to fix the little problems each member of the team has. With a wacky montage we see that the Juans have been tied to a post to stop them from diving and fighting for the same ball. The former ballet dancer is keeping everyone limber with ballet moves. And “Doc” is still throwing under 55mph.

Every protagonist needs an antagonist, that’s where Leonard Huff and the Minnesota Twins come in. Huff manages the Twins, and looks like Jefferson D’Arcy.

The creative liberties come back into play with the Twins. This Twins team consists of more talent and egos than any Yankee lineup ever. I can only recall two recent Twins players that were as talented as this film makes the Twins out to be: Puckett and Hunter.

Of course in this world where Cantrell knows every ball player, he knows Huff. The two of them have that friendly rivalry friendship. And since Cantrell’s Buzz is doing better than Huff’s Twins, Dorn sees a perfect opportunity for a publicity stunt.

The Buzz will play the Twins.

Both managers agree and the game will be played at the Metrodome in Minneapolis. I can see why Cantrell would agree to this. His team is playing well as a team, he believes he has a legitimate shot at winning, and it’ll expose his players to the majors, a place some of them may never get to. Huff on the other hand, he has a team that seems to hate each other and are not playing as a team. Also to spend their day off playing a game that won’t count, I can’t imagine a team with such a high ego would be up for that.

The game goes on and the Buzz come from a three to nothing deficit to tie it up. Then in the bottom of the ninth when it looks as though the Twins aren’t going to pull out the win, Huff has the lights in the Metrodome killed. Ending the game in a tie.

The Buzz set off back to South Carolina with the satisfaction that they kept up with the top dogs. Before they go, Cantrell is informed that Huff has decided to call up Billy “Downtown” Anderson. Anderson believes he is the shit and is ready to play in the majors. Cantrell agrees that “Downtown” can hit the long ball (so it’s not just a clever name) but that he isn’t ready. “Downtown” essentially says screw that, I am that good.

“Downtown” was wrong and come crawling back as the Buzz has become a dominant force in AAA ball. Once “Downtown” admits he was wrong, Cantrell begins to work with him and teach him more. Thus causing the Buzz to rise to first place.

Once atop the league, Cantrell issues a rematch challenge to Huff, only this time they play on Buzz turf.

So the Twins use another day off and travel to South Carolina and play another game that won’t matter to them.

What this film comes down to is two grown men using nine other people for their pissing contest.

SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t figured it out, the Buzz defeat the Twins in the second game proving that a team that plays together can beat a team of battling egos. I know kind of a far-fetched moral.

If you would like to see this film for yourself TBS is airing it Friday, October 3 at 8 am Mtn. time. So set you TiVO, DVR, or VCR if you’re rockin’ it old school.

See ya at the batting cages . . .

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com