Cru Jones Society

Yesterday I was awakened by a grumble in my stomach. This was not the usual grumble that was trying to tell me that it was time for cereal. No this grumble was telling me that there was something that decided it wanted to come back up. After spending more time than I would have liked slumped over the toilet I decided that going to work wasn’t an option. So I took a sick day and realized that it sucks.

As miserable as the 9 to 5 job may be, laying around in misery and rushing to the bathroom every half an hour is pure wretchedness. But that should be obvious to anyone who has ever been sick. It’s also very upsetting when the vomiting is not caused by alcohol consumption. At least then I know I had some fun before hand.

So I curled up on the couch with a blanket and turned on “The Price is Right,” the standard sick day procedure. That sucks now too. Bob Barker has retired and Drew Carey has become the new host, but that’s old news. While I have occasionally enjoyed Drew Carey, I don’t think he is a good fit for the show. Barker had that certain charm and charisma that worked for the show. Drew seems nervous, like the head cheerleader asked his dorky ass to the prom. He expects the pig’s blood at any moment.

That’s only the latest problem with TPIR. My main qualm with the show is the prizes. Sure they are extravagant and would be nice to own, unless you’re a college kid (“You won this grandfather clock! Good luck keeping your drunk friends from fucking it up!”) or live in an apartment (“A brand new hot tub! This tub seats twelve, has ten high-powered jets, and comes fully assembled. Just try finding room in that one bedroom you rent and enjoy your new life as Cosmo Kramer.)

The lack of Carey’s charisma and the cease of vomiting were enough to allow me to fall asleep. When I woke up there was some soap opera on, I had a headache, and I was pretty confused. After figuring out that it was Dr. Drake Ramoray’s twin brother and not Dr. Drake I found my bearings and wondered to the kitchen. I poured a glass of ginger ale and took some Nuprin then I remember somebody once told me that when you’re sick watching children’s programming was helpful. I guess it is sort of like what Nyquil does and shuts your brain down so that you don’t focus on the sick and allow your body to heal it’s self. I’m guessing. I’m no doctor.

I searched the channels for some cartoon that I could watch and I found out children these days have no good cartoons. It makes me sad for them. Nickelodeon used to be my favorite channel. I would watch any cartoon that it would air: Ren & Stimpy, Doug, Rocko’s Modern Life, hell I even watched Rugrats for a bit. Now they have some cartoon about a couple of fairies and Sponge Bob Square Pants. Do you have any idea how much worse that show is when you have a headache? The Cartoon Network isn’t any better. That network used to play cartoons that I grew up on, and older ones as well. Now it’s filled with new ones that I guess appeal to kids. They have one that is a reality show. Didn’t Comedy Central try that and it failed? So I ended up watching the History Channel as they talked about World War II.

As a side note, Dirty Jobs is a bad choice when your stomach is fucked up.

I spent most of the day sleeping, vomiting, and praying for death. Eventually I made my way to the computer to do homework and type this for you. As I finish up here, because I feel I am being summoned again, I want to leave this obvious advice: stay healthy! Your job may suck, but lying at home in pain sucks more. Save those sick days for when you have something fun to do. Also if anyone can draw well and is funny, make a damn cartoon so the next generation of children doesn’t wind up like the ones now.

See ya in the medicine aisle…