Cru Jones Society

 

The soft drink business is a multi-billion dollar industry. So it’s no surprise that I can’t go a single day without seeing a can of the stuff. And since the cans tend to be brightly colored, my attention is grabbed and I find myself staring awkwardly until it angrily asks me what I’m staring at and I reply “Oh, uh, um nothing,” as I fidget and look anywhere else. But as soon it looks away, I start staring again.

Sorry, the personification got away from me there for a moment. The last time I looked at a can I was intrigued by it’s name. I wondered where the name came from, and if it really was the best choice for a name. I mean Mello Yello? Do you want to remind consumers that your drink is the same color as pee? What follows are the origins of the names behind 5 of the more popular soft drinks. Now click the button, read on, and put it in your head.

 

Coca-Cola

Coca-Cola is the number one soft drink in the world. Coke has become the standard in the soft drink world. More often than not it’s referred to as rum and coke, or a whiskey and coke, not rum and Pepsi, or a whiskey and Royal Crown. Coke is the soda king.

Where We Think the Name Comes From…

Form its main ingredient, cocaine. Sure I could make the number one soft drink in the world if we added an incredibly addictive substance to it.

How Far Off Are We?

Not too far. The current main ingredient is cocoa, from which cocaine is extracted. Coke was originally invented as a cocawine, popular booze in Europe that combines wine and cocaine. Much like most alcohol producers once prohibition hit, they had to do something else. The wine was removed and Coca-Cola was born. Eventually the cocaine was removed when everyone wised up and realized that cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Random Fun Fact

Three people were issued the Nobel Prize for the discovery that Coca-Cola is an effective spermicide. That’s right, Coca-Cola will stop your swimmers from, well, swimming.

 

Pepsi Cola

Pepsi Cola is the Mets to Coca-Cola’s Yankees: every so often they show signs of becoming the better franchise but then Coke signs a big star and keeps everybody in check. Let’s face the truth here; Pepsi is only drunk when Coca-Cola isn’t available.

Where We Think the Name Comes From…

We don’t have a clue. It sounds as made up as Buzz Cola, a bindery, or the moon landing. The best we got is it kind of sounds like pep, as in the kind of rally before a shitty high school football game.

How Far Off Are We?

PepsiCo’s official web site mentions two options for where the name comes from. The first involves the word “pep.” Look we were on the money there. I, however, enjoy the second option a bit more. It comes from a Greek medical term “pepse.” The term describes the food dissolving process in the stomach. That’s the image you want for, well anything.

Random Fun Fact

In Japan a mascot was created called Pepsiman, one word like he is of Jewish heritage. He even inspired his own video game for the Playstation, which essentially looks like Crash Bandicoot meets Paper Boy. Game looks fun, eh? It’s hard to imagine that even with advertising like this they don’t do Coke numbers.

 

7UP

Ahh… the uncola! This soda is the only one that allows the name 7 and 7 to make sense. 7UP is a clear blend of lemon and lime flavors, a break from the dark syrupy mess from other colas.

Where We Think the Name Comes From…

There are many (at least 8) speculations and rumors as to what the name means. One of my favorites is that the creator came up with the name while playing dice. Ahhh, nothing like gambling origins for an long standing wholesome American brand. My other favorite is that the company previously failed six times. Talk about your “if at first you don’t succeed” stories.

How Far Off Were We?

I have no idea. For the life of me I can’t find the real answer anywhere on the interweb. It’s a mystery. Don’t even try 7up.com. That site needs to make 7up yours, or a clever way to make that funny again.

Random Fun Fact

7UP was initially created as a hangover cure. Odd, since the last time I had 7UP I ended up drunk as hell.

 

Dr Pepper

The only soda on this list that took the extra time to get a PHD. With its 23 flavors, Dr Pepper doesn’t taste like other colas, and it doesn’t have that lemon and lime thing of clear sodas.

Where We Think the Name Comes From…

Named for a lawyer, Dr. William F. Pepper. Pepper is most noted for representing assassins like Sirhan Sirhan who assassinated Robert F. Kennedy, and James Earl Ray convicted killer of Martin Luther King, Jr. Sounds like the type of guy you want to name a soda after.

How Far Off Are We?

Oh so, so far off. If this were a world map pre-1492, we would be falling off the edge and consumed by that sea monster. If the soda were named after the above-mentioned lawyer it would mean that it spent more than half a century without a name. The soda came into existence 52 years before Dr. Pepper, the lawyer, was born, in addition to another 25 years before he became a doctor. The soda was named after Dr. Charles Pepper, a friend of the soda fountain owner where the soda was first served.

Random Fun Fact

The Dr Pepper Company is the oldest major manufacturer of soft drink concentrates and syrups in the United States. Yes, even older than your mom.

 

Mountain Dew

The most extreme soda to make this list. With a taste I can only describe as worse than crab juice, Mountain Dew is the fourth most popular soft drink in the U.S. A feat accomplished by marketing to extreme sports participants, video gamers, and douche bags – i.e. people who have taken many a blow to the head and people who have been zombified by hours of game play.

Where We Think the Name Comes From…

Dew is that moisture that forms on the ground over night caused by science. This over night moisture phenomenon happens in the mountains also; up there the dew is mixed with all sorts of animal urine creating a bright yellow color. Mountain Dew, the soda, is this exact color, also taste, so I’m told.

How Far Off Are We?

Are you kidding? Does any body actually believe the above paragraph to be true? Mountain Dew, like many of the sodas discussed, has its roots in alcohol. It was intended to be a mixer with whiskey, specifically southern moonshine. A slang term for such hooch was Mountain Dew. So why not just use that as the name? I’m not sure if that’s better or worse than getting your name from gambling.

Random Fun Fact

Mountain Dew can decrease your sperm count and shrink your nards. I don’t know if that’s actually true, but I heard it on the school bus like 15 years ago, so you know, it’s probably true.

Whether you call them soft drinks, sodas, or pops at least now you’ll know why certain ones are called what they are. If I omitted your favorite from this list I apologize, but I’m not your high school tutor, I can’t do all the work for you. You have time to waste, explore the net.

See ya at the recycling plant (CJS being green, yo!)…

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com