Happy Friday #19: Aaaaaaay!
Life at CJS Headquarters is generally good. I’m gainfully employed in an industry I find interesting. I’m well-liked and respected at work. Lady E and I have re-upped on our apartment for another year which means we not only have another summer of poolside fun to look forward to, we still like each other enough to want to live together for yet another year. So huzzah for that! And despite the persistent wandering around all over the bed all the livelong night, I can’t help but smile at the retarded antics of Buttfore and Bumhug. In short, things ain’t bad. Not bad at all.
So why am I so fucking angry? I can’t recall ever being just more generally pissed off all the time. Between dealing with election nonsense, this seemingly never-ending coverage of the financial crisis, the shitass Cubs, and getting ready in the dark every morning, I’m borderline Pissface Mode roughly 90% of the time now. Whereas usually it hovers somewhere around 60, now it’s up in a zone that’s completely unhealthy.
So with that said, this week’s links are nothing but fun. I didn’t plan it this way, but when I began gathering articles for this week’s Happy Friday, everything I chose had an upbeat tenor to it. So rather than argue with the universe, I’m taking a cue and changing my perspective. Enjoy this week’s links – guaranteed to make you feel at least a little better. It is HAPPY Friday, afterall.
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Let’s start with an answer to a question no one realized they had asked. I suspect this will become part of a larger post, but here’s a brief version. I grow increasingly frustrated with the growing political divide in this country. People actively seek out arguments with which they agree to corroborate what they already believe. There are those I know that believe Barack Obama is an isolationist, racist, anti-American outcast who hangs out with criminals, terrorists, and scumbags. I have a copy of “National Review” dedicated entirely to this premise. And then there are those I know that believe John McCain is an incompetent, double-talking, frightfully unbalanced, lying maniac. I have a copy of “Rolling Stone” dedicated almost entirely to this premise.
The point is this, if all you read was “National Review,” I could see why you’d think Barack Obama is a scary guy. If all you read was “Rolling Stone,” I could see why you’d intensely dislike John McCain. But fewer and fewer people read both of these rags, if they read at all. I whole-heartedly believe people don’t spend enough time discussing things with those they disagree with and seeking out opposing viewpoints. If everyone did, I think we’d all be much better off.
Cass Sustein and Samantha Power (no relation to Max) recognize this and spend the majority of their time trying to advance this theory. Based solely on this article (which refers to them as “Fun Couple of the 21st Century), I have my early favorite for fantasy presidential ticket in 2012. And if you disagree… well, let’s talk about that. We’ll both be better off for it.
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Speaking of Rolling Stone, they still allegedly review and discuss music when not covering politics. I know! I had no idea either!
Here’s a feature on “Appeal to Reason,” the latest full length album from Rise Against. Considering Rise Against just continues to bring the awesome by the trailerful on each successive album, it’s safe to say I’ve been saving my pennies for quite some time awaiting this new album. Rolling Stone says “Rise Against may be nervous about leaving the underground behind, but with sharp songs like these, they’re ready for the rest of the world.” Ordinarily I’d be upset about one of my bands going mainstream, but Rise Against is already there and still kicking your ass with awesome music, so I say bring it on!
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Burger King invites you to write your own Meat Haiku. You heard me. Former WWE Diva Trish Stratus wrote one. I wrote this one about their Steakhouse Burger:
Steakhouse Burger gooooooood!
Need meat! Like Steak! Need meat! Need…
ANGIOPLASTY!!!
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More health stuff. This one is for all you winos and barely functioning alcoholics out there. Esquire encourages you once a week to have a glass of red wine with breakfast. Considering how much I generally despise the morning, the offer and endorsement of alcohol once in a while is not without its appeal. However, red wine is among the least appealing things I can think of to drink in the morning. Does the author fail to take into account how gallingly disgusting red wine would taste after vigorously brushing your teeth? Or how quickly you’d likely have to attend a special seminar courtesy of your boss when she notices the unmistakable chianti stains on your teeth at 7:45 in the morning? Get real.
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I normally appreciate seeing discussions of all things pro wrestling-related (apart from any mention of Chris Benoit) outside the realm of the IWC (Internet Wrestling Community, to you normal folk). But when a countdown of the “10 Greatest WWE matches” is put together by the alarmingly stupid writers of AskMen.com, only dismay follows. There are so many things wrong with this list – indeterminate criteria for inclusion, glaringly obvious omissions, too many Undertaker matches – that I could go on for pages and pages ranting about it, which I suspect says more about me than them. Instead of doing that, I’ll thank them for their effort and politely ask that they consult me next time they seek to create a wrestling-related list that’s actually, you know, good.
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Give me all the shit you want. This is not only hilarious, it’s downright adorable too.
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The Ellen Show is one of television’s most pleasant diversions. Regardless of how you feel about Ellen Degeneres personally and irrespective of whether or not the show is even aimed at you, few will disagree that The Ellen Show’s general aesthetic exudes warmth, friendliness, and gentle comedy, which makes it difficult to change the channel once you get sucked in. You want to, but everyone’s just in such a darned good mood, it’s tough to leave its temporary warm embrace. But it’s not pants-pissing hilarious, either. More like amiably charming…
That’s why I was as shocked as anyone to find myself laughing my ass off at this clip from the show my mom sent me. Ellen can barely contain herself while talking to 88 year-old Gladys, and it’s not hard to understand why. This clip is 7 minutes, but trust me, stick with it. It’s totally worth it.
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This story combines three of my favorite things: 1) Public urination; 2) People from other countries acting hilariously; and 3) Celebrities who get too big for their britches and start shouting egomaniacally while intoxicated. For instance: “I am the famous Wang Hao! I am the world champion! Does it matter if I beat you?” Classic.
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Crap your pants in Spring 2009 on Saw: The Ride, based on the popular horror movie franchise. The rollercoaster sounds heart-stopping enough (a “beyond vertical” drop of 100-degree from a height of 100ft!), but what they don’t tell you is that when the rollercoaster comes to a stop you have to saw your own foot off and kill the guy sitting next to you before you can exit. Should be a morbid good time!
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I don’t watch most reality shows, but somehow I got inexplicably sucked into “Dog the Bounty Hunter” during my second year of grad school. I love everything about this cornball show except its, in the words of Maxim, “crappy buttrock intro.” That’s why South Park’s spot-on parody of it is so satisfying. Feel free to check out any of the other brilliant seven songs from South Park highlighted in this article. My other favorite from this list is Butters’ happy-go-lucky ditty about his robot friend. God, I love Butters.
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Hey, remember about four months ago when I had this guy at the top of the main page?
You: No.
Me: Well, whatever. I did.
Anyway, Lady E used that photo to indicate her approval at work a while back with one of her colleagues from a different department. Apparently, unbeknownst to her, that photo got circulated around that department every time someone did something good. Earlier this week Lady E sat in an internal meeting that ended with, you guessed it, thumbs up guy! The Cru Jones Society’s reach continues to grow, friends. And that makes me feel…
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Lee S. Hart, Lady E, and I created the table that now proudly sits in my kitchen by spending four hours a night for seven straight nights individually gluing down hundreds of beer caps to make not only one of the finest Beirut playing surfaces in modern history, but what will soon be a collector’s item with its collection of caps no longer in production. I feel great accomplishment when I look at this table.
Think of how Craig Thompson must feel. He essentially built the Mountain West Conference from scratch and has it knocking on the door of an automatic BCS berth merely 10 years after its inception. This guy has taken a lot of shit over the years (most notably for shunning ESPN and its Gestapo scheduling policies in favor of creating the conference’s own network), but he’s made an otherwise mid-level conference matter. More power to him! Here’s to another 10 years, Craig! Do the home of my Rammies proud!
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This is old as hell, but never stops being funny. I was prompted to revisit it after that recent Family Guy episode where Cleveland is banging Brian’s girlfriend and concludes by saying, “And, boom goes the dynamite.”
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Hopefully this guy doesn’t make the mcdynamite go boom in Ronald’s mouth:
That’s it for this week. Happy Friday, gangstas!
17 Oct 2008 E Dagger