Cru Jones Society

 

Welcome to yet another Friday. The phrase in the title refers to how Lady E recently responded to an Evite for a Halloween bar crawl and translates to “I’ll be there, beer in hand.” Which she will be. Dressed as above. Awesome. As for me, well, click on the “Continue Reading” link, and not only will you find out what E Dagger’s wearing this Halloween, you’ll find tasty morsels about Eminem, Madonna, Kimbo Slice, Rupert the Tiny Deer and much, much more. I know you’re thirsty (my friends) for the links, so get to clickin’!

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Even though we’re already two games deep in this World Series (We were going to write something interesting about the series, but we’ll be honest, we wrote this on Wednesday and don’t feel like changing it. So, uhh, fuck off, I guess.), it seem superfluous to post a World Series preview here, but we’re going to anyway. Why? Four reasons:

1) It’s written by Jayson Stark, currently America’s finest baseball writer. Fuck Peter Gammons in his stupid Red Sox-loving ass.
2) It’s got all the justification you’ll ever need to refute the assholes who tell you this series should have featured the Dodgers and Red Sox.
3) Photos of managers Joe Maddon and Charlie Manuel in all their glorious goofiness. And;
4) Baseball season is coming to an end which not only means a temporary end to baseball-related links and the need to cram another one in there before the inevitable end, but also less continued alienation of our female readers. You should have seen our numbers for baseball week… yikes.

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We normally don’t post celebrity gossip in our Friday links mostly because we don’t read any celebrity gossip. However, in reading the Denver Post recently, I came across this gem about Madonna forcing hers and Guy Ritchie’s mutual friends to choose sides after the divorce. First of all, how fucking petty. What is this, middle school? And secondly, it slays me that Madonna wants to have Alex Rodriguez’s baby because he’s “physically a great specimen.” Is she a supervillain? Is she collecting samples for her home planet to study? My guess is that she needs to get pregnant and is scouting dudes like that hot bitch from “Species” that rejected the diabetic guy and stuck her tongue through the back of his head.

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I think hilarious web comic “Married to the Sea” has figured out how we got into this financial crisis. Along with Garfield Minus Garfield, Straight Cash Homey, and Sporcle, Married to the Sea has become an everyday stop on the internet for me continuing to tilt the ratio of “work” and “shit I read that wastes my company’s time” ever more in the direction of the latter. Bookmark that first link for more gems like this.

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Rupert the Tiny Deer was born recently (last month apparently – sorry, I got an email about this only on Monday, you pushy fuckers) and immediately became only the most adorable creature on the face of God’s green earth. It’s not enough that this article features no less than six pictures guaranteed to make even the hardest, whiskey drunk redneck on the planet quit chewing tobacco long enough to say, “Awwwww! Wook at da cute wittle guy!” He has to be born at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital too. Are you kidding me? Tiggywinkles?! I’m amazed this story wasn’t broken by Cute Overload.com. 

(Update: After writing this on Tuesday, and looking for a picture of it on Thursday, I found out the poor little fella died only 4 days later. I’m a schmuck. You can still bask in his cuteness, though. I think that’s okay. And maybe send the link to your mom. She’d appreciate hearing from you, you ungrateful prick.)

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To completely change gears, here’s the opening credits to 80s sitcom “What’s Happenin’ Now!!” for no particular reason.

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We’ll be honest with you, Society readers, between Hart on vacation and me being not only up to my eyeballs in real work, but also getting completely engrossed in my buddy Ryan’s travel blog, you almost only got half a Happy Friday this week. Ryan and I used to ride the same bus in elementary, middle, and high school and hung out sporadically throughout college and after. He’s got a real dry wit, a curious and intellectual mind, and writes the most thoroughly captivating tales of his travels throughout Asia and Europe. If you’re curious about traveling through the Third World (and even if you’re not), I whole-heartedly recommend this site. Consider it this week’s CJS required reading.

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Making his triumphant return soon is Eminem. Rap music has never been very good, but the years since Em’s last record have been remarkably atrocious. It’ll be nice to hear some fresh jams about homosexuals and Vicodin for a change. Here’s an exclusive interview with Eminem from the UK. Glad to see Em’s recovered from his eating-filet-mingon-getting-fat-covered-in-acne-and-sitting-like-a-recluse-in-his-mansion-every-night phase and returned as a normal-looking dude.

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One returning, one saying goodbye. Sports Illustrated broke a story this week about EliteXC shutting its doors amidst losing shitloads of money and controversy surrounding whether or not the Kimbo Slice fight on CBS was fixed. I’m all for more MMA exposure, but when it comes from scumbag boxing promoters and borderline criminals like Gary and Jared Shaw, I say good riddance. Get the fuck out of my life, and take that glass-jawed farce, Kimbo Slice, with you. I think it’s safe to start referring to him by his given name: Kevin Ferguson. The only loss here is not getting to see Gina Carano fail to make weight anymore.

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Speaking of organizations that failed epically, The Sports Guy revisits an old column of his espousing why the XFL would succeed. I’m a big Sports Guy fan, but there’s no need to pimp his ESPN columns here. You know where they are. And if you don’t, just type it into Google. The Worldwide Leader needs very little help from the likes of little old Cru Jones. This one links to his personal blog where he puts up old columns simply for the sake of his own amusement. That’s definitely something I can get onboard with – and a nice thumb to the eye of his corporate masters.

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Many commenters here at the CJS will remember a specific spring birthday where we stood on the back porch of Limon and I’s college house drunkenly singing along to Reel Big Fish’s cover of “Take on Me” causing all the neighborhood dogs to howl uncontrollably during each final falsetto line of the chorus. High times, my man. High times. You’ll be pleased to know Reel Big Fish is releasing an album of all cover tunes due out in January ’09. The patio awaits, comrades. I’m personally most excited for Poison’s “Talk Dirty to Me” so someone can embarrassingly say before the bridge, “C.C., pick up that guitar and talk to me!” while someone else air guitars like a fuckin’ idiot and everyone else laughs uncontrollably.

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Since Hart’s handling Happy Friday next week, here’s a video of what I’m going as for Halloween. Can’t get access to YouTube from work due to a Nazi IT policy? Here’s a photo. Stay thirsty, my friends.

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Hey, and speaking of beer…

Happy Friday, beer fans! See you next week.

edagger@crujonessociety.com