Cru Jones Society

 Halloween is on Friday. We here at CJS enjoy the holiday and will be bringing Halloween themed post to you all week. So carve the pumpkin, set out the candy bowl, and get your costume. Oh and if you’re in Colorado be sure to bundle up.

Most of us celebrate Halloween once a year, maybe twice if it’s on a weekday. There are some people who try to celebrate it all year. For the most part they are goth kids who have nothing better to do because they don’t have any friends.  However there are few who not only dress like it is Halloween all year, but also have found a way to get paid for it.

As you may have guess these people are musicians, well kind of. Here are five of the biggest acts to milk Halloween all year round, because to some a suit and tie is a costume.

Insane Clown Posse, or ICP

Members: Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope

Connection to Halloween: For the non-Juggalos and Juggalettes that may visit our site, the members of ICP dress as scary ass clowns in thug clothing. Imagine the clown Pennywise taking fashion advice from Eminem.

To make the costumes scarier, ICP proceeds to rap violently and poorly with horror themes. Much like Pennywise taking career advice from Eminem.

Sample Lyrics: “Every Halloween”

I paint my face every year all day/
the 31st aint nothin to me, another holiday/                           All of a sudden face paintin’s in style/
And I’ve been doin ever since Gilligan’s Island was on.

My Problems With the Lyrics: First, they rhymed day with holiday that’s just lazy. Second, the last two lines don’t rhyme and the rhythm is weird or non-existent. Finally, the 31^st ain’t nothin to me, another holiday, if it “ain’t nothing to you” then shouldn’t it be just another day?

If They Trick or Treat at My House: I’d give them candy in hopes to not get egged.

Rob Zombie/White Zombie

Members: Rob Zombie, J, Sean Yseult, John Tempesta.

Connection to Halloween: Rob Zombie has written more horror themed songs then anybody, ever. Brian Wilson is a runner up.

Every music video from Rob Zombie or White Zombie looks like a horror flick. Those cool old horror flicks, not the lame slasher ones that seem to be the modern standard. With a history of such cool looking horror style music videos I thought when Rob Zombie decided to make actual horror movies they would be awesome. Sadly I was wrong and I found myself wishing I were watching that Halloween episode of Roseanne where she is visited by three ghost, like a Halloween version of A Christmas Carol.

Sample Lyrics:“More Human Than Human”

Yeah I am the jigsaw man/                                                   I turn the world around with a skeleton hand say/
I am electric head a cannibal galore/                                           A Television said/
Yeah do not victimize/
Read the mother fucker-psychoholic lies yeah/
Into a psychic war/                                                                        I Tear my soul apart/                                                              And I want it some more yeah/
Yeah

My Problem With the Lyrics: Separately I understand the words used, but the way Zombie has combined them confuses me.

If They Trick or Treat at My House: I’d hide my DVD player to avoid any chance of having to watch Zombie’s remake of Halloween.

KISS

Members: Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehly, Peter Criss

Connection to Halloween: The members of KISS paint their faces and wear the most elaborate costumes this list has seen, thus far. Oh plus that whole Knights In Satan’s Service thing.

Sample Lyrics: “I Was Made For Loving You”

Tonight I wanna see it in your eyes/
Feel the magic/
There’s something that drives me wild/
And tonight we’re gonna make it all come true/
‘Cause girl, you were made for me/
And girl I was made for you

My Problem With the Lyrics: Way to sappy for a band with ties to Satan. Also it is a very disco sounding song. A band that looks like they’re offspring would be Road Warriors Hawk and Animal should not make disco music.

If They Trick or Treat at My House: I would pray that they wouldn’t steal my blood to make a comic book.

GWAR

Members: Oderus Urungus, Beefcake the Mighty, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Jizmak Da Gusha, Sleazy P. Martini

Connection to Halloween: Are you kidding me? Just look at that picture. These guy’s dicks are more costumed than KISS. Also they have been known to cover their audiences in blood.

Sample Lyrics: “Penguin Attack”

They are on a rampage/
Unleashed from ancient time/
Stumbling from the ice age/
Marching side by side/
Beaks of steel are flaming/
Women are enraged/
Sky of death is flaming/
Women get engaged

My Problem With the Lyrics: Nothing! First of all Gwar is all around awesome. Secondly, this song is about attacking penguins. I think there’s a global warming joke in that, but I’ll you figure it out.

If They Trick or Treat at My House: I’m sure I would crap my pants then wait for the pending death.

The Village People

Members: G. Jeff Olson, Eric Anzalone, Ray Simpson, Felipe Rose, Alex Briley, David “Scar” Hodo  (The nickname “Scar” could be tough for anyone not in the Village People)

Connection to Halloween: These gentlemen wear costumes every day. Granted their costumes resemble stripper costumes more than Halloween costumes. Never the less, I challenge you to find a scarier band.

Sample Lyrics: “In The Navy”

In the navy/
Yes, you can sail the seven seas/
In the navy/
Yes, you can put your mind at ease/
In the navy/
Come on now, people, make a stand/
In the navy, in the navy/
Can’t you see we need a hand/
In the navy/
Come on, protect the motherland/
In the navy/
Come on and join your fellow man/
In the navy/
Come on people, and make a stand/
In the navy, in the navy, in the navy

My Problem With the Lyrics: Blatant homosexuality aside, I’m not thrilled with pop songs used to promote the military. Though it’s disco and the Navy so don’t think it’s too big of a deal.

If They Trick or Treat at my House: I’d turn out the lights and not answer the door less I be forced to do the YMCA dance.

So when April rolls around and you feel that you can’t wait six more months for Halloween you can always get on bored with on of these bands. There’s a good chance you can catch The Village People, or close facsimile, every other month at certain bars. Or you can be normal and celebrate the holiday once a year.

Good luck getting “YMCA” out of your head.

See ya in the pit…

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com