Cru Jones Society

Not far to go now. And thank God, given some of these choices! This is the last one, so make sure you’ve voted on each scenario. You have until 6:00 pm MST Monday to get all your votes in. Good luck everyone. See you next week. Continue Reading »

Hey, did you see Grandma yesterday? Has she been with you all week? Is she reading this over your shoulder as we speak? If not, doesn’t she look hot in that nylon jogging suit she seems to wear all the time?

Here’s another round of Food Sex or Cars! Continue Reading »

Thanksgiving is over, and now the mindless masses are taking to the streets in the name of scoring insane after-Thanksgiving deals at the shopping mall.  Here at CJS, we’re half drunk and still playing Food, Sex, or Cars?  So instead of blaming our parents for messing us all up, lets try blaming the Internet for a change.  Memes a plenty from days of yore and today inside Continue Reading »

Its Thanksgiving, be sure to shed a single tear for poor Limon as you stuff your face with Turkey, I’m on my way to work.  So, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I’ve created our third, and possibly final F,S or C? for the Ladies. Continue Reading »

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Here’s another little hypothetical for you as you stuff your craw all day. We all know Thanksgiving is delicious and nearly irresistible, but when presented with options like the ones below, it’s suddenly a bit more resistible.

Let’s play another round of Food, Sex, or Cars! Continue Reading »

So here’s the deal… This is your last scenario for the day. Tomorrow will be an extra-special (Ed. note: extra-weird), super-fun holiday edition. If you can get to a computer tomorrow, great. If not, check it out sometime this weekend. We then have three more choices coming up Friday in what will separate the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possbily Canadian, and the players from the player-haters (or whatever). We’re giving you until  6:00 p.m. MST Monday to finish your voting.

Senor Limon will be back then with a new article as we tally the votes. We’ll announce the winner on Tuesday, see how everyone did, and discuss why the correct answers are indeed correct.  Good luck everyone!

Ladies’ Choice Volume 2! Peek inside for a tasty treat, a bangable hunk of man meat, and going vroom vroom on the street. Continue Reading »

I think you’ve got a good handle on how this works by now. Expect one more this afternoon, as well as an announcement about the rest of the contest. For now…

Let’s play Food, Sex, or Cars! Continue Reading »

Since most women we know aren’t into cars (or sleeping with other women for that matter) Food, Sex, or Cars? is a game that generally doesn’t appeals to the ladies. But we’re progressive lads here at the CJS. Besides if Kathy Ireland, that hot chick who played Icebox, and Goldie Hawn can be passed off as football players then we see no reason why women can’t play this game. So we present to you Food, Sex, or Cars? Ladies Night Edition. To answer your next question, yes, the highest tally of right answers on ALL questions will win the contest. Continue Reading »

We’re loving the responses so far, but oddly enough, no one asked about the contest.

You: Hey Dagger, tell us about the contest.
Me: You got it, faithful reader! And thanks for asking.

The person who scores the highest on Food, Sex, or Cars throughout the week will have the opportunity to pen their very own Cru Jones Society column. That’s right. Want to get your unique views read by an ever expanding oh-shit-we-didn’t-plan-to-grow-this-fast audience? Have your own Pissface Mode and a whimsically amusing tale of mildly anti-social behavior? Is there a Thing You Love/Hate that the rest of the world just has to know about? Well, continue playing along in our Food, Sex, or Cars contest, and you’ll get your chance.

We’re revealing the correct choices for each scenario on Monday along with everyone’s score. The one who scores the highest in appropriately balancing life’s three most basic desires has the opportunity to work with Hart, Limon, and myself to craft their very own CJS-style article. We’ll format it for you and add pictures, links, and a unique signoff line just for you. So, keep on making the correct choices, and you just might get your chance.

In the meantime, here’s today’s first scenario… Continue Reading »

We’re rolling right along. Please feel free to continue debating the surf n’ turf/Angelina Jolie/Corvette proposition. We’ll reveal the correct answers on Friday (Yes, we’re keeping score, and yes, there’s a prize involved), so we’re interested in what as many of you have to say as possible. Here’s the next one, and it’s again cruel. Some decisions just shouldn’t have to be made. But you’ll make it. Make it and like it!

Also… Ladies, don’t feel left out. We’ve got choices for you as well coming later this week, so feel free to think like a dude for a few minutes and weigh in here. Continue Reading »

Even though we’re taking the week off here at the CJS, that doesn’t mean you should have to as well. During our weekly team meeting at CJS Headquarters (read: drunkenly quoting Long Duk Dong and other offensive Asian stereotypes at each other), Senor Limon had the brilliant idea to play Food, Sex or Cars? right here on the site. So we’ve spent the weekend compiling oodles of these little scenarios to keep you entertained the whole week. We’ll return on Monday with regular content leading off with words that annoy the ever-loving piss out of Senor Limon. Check back throughout the day for continued debate and new choices.

But for now, here’s the basic premise for Food Sex or Cars. We’ll present you with three options – something to eat, someone to have sex with, and something to drive – and you have to choose one of the three options. Trash talk is encouraged, debate is key, and yes, there is a right answer to each of these. Much love to SNL for hosting the original and spawning this idea.

It’s time to play: Food, Sex or Cars! Continue Reading »

This man above is known as Johnny Canuck. He is Canada’s answer to the United States’ Uncle Sam. Remember when the cast of Saved By The Bell worked at the Malibu Sands and Screech was asked to play Uncle Sam for the 4^th of July bash and he showed up dressed as his uncle Sam? It’s nothing like that. What were we talking about? Ah forget it. Read on for the usual Friday links. Continue Reading »

Like all good things, even Ridiculous Movie Competitions must come to an end. It’s been a hell of a ride filled with mediocre and subpar movies over the last two weeks, so I thought we’d end with one nearly everyone I know likes. You may be wondering how this one fits the criteria, but that’s easily answered by clicking the little link to your right. Come on inside as we wrap up this 8-part feature. Continue Reading »

Of all the entries on the list, I’m willing to bet these two films have the lowest combined viewing total. Don’t let that deter you from reading though – these movies settle their respective scores with a climactic race! That’s right, if you’re pissed off at someone, don’t settle things violently. Settle it with either a good old fashioned foot race or strap on your skates on brave the most daunting hill in town! What could be better? Continue Reading »

Ahh youth. I generally try not to make fun of kids in this space (except Averman from The Mighty Ducks – God, how I hate Averman) since that’s incredibly unfair and just plain shitty, so this’ll be a tricky post. We’ve got two youth movies on deck, one featuring the dorky kids you used to shame with a dodgeball to the glasses on P.E. days and one about kids at fat camp. Fortunately, the kids in these movies are incredibly pleasant. It’s the writers that deserve the ridicule, and of course, the bizarre competitions and wagers that give these movies their climaxes. Time to dive in to Round 6 of Ridiculous Movie Competitions. Continue Reading »

I watched Rocky Balboa recently on Showtime and had mixed feelings about it. On one hand, the fights looked terrific, I was stoked Duke was still alive to train Rocky, and the inclusion of little Marie was a nice nod to the past. On the other hand, Burt Young looks like he’s approximately 95 years old, the story is absolutely preposterous, and his son is still a whiny pain in the ass. But the best thing about Rocky Balboa? The filmmakers basically ignore Rocky V ever existed.

Rocky V is such an upsetting movie, it’s only natural that I’ve seen it about 50 times. And if you’re talking Rocky V, you might as well throw in Over the Top as well to really embarrass ol’ Sly. Let’s get to it, shall we? Continue Reading »

It’s 4:50 p.m. MST as I type this and I’m watching the Brock Lesnar/Randy Couture countdown show hyping UFC 91 tonight. I have no doubt in my mind that Brock Lesnar will positively beat the hell out of Randy Couture tonight and win the UFC Heavyweight Title. Continue Reading »

Thank God this week is over. We’ve had one of those weeks where the goddamn cats are playing Dance Dance Revolution on your body while you sleep, your boss shows you once again what a juvenile asshole he is, and nothing seems to be going your way. But none of that shit matters because it’s Friday, and next week begins anew. But not without some fresh links to help you down the homestretch of what has turned out to be a very long week. Continue Reading »

D2: The Mighty Ducks

Where to even start with this one? And yes, this one deserves its own post. It’s that friggin’ screwy. Continue Reading »

I’ll bet when David Mamet wrote this play, and then wrote the movie, he hoped and anticipated for stimulating discussions about it. I’ll bet he never thought he’d see his movie sitting side-by-side with the Bobcat Goldthwait laugh riot Hot To Trot, though. You’re welcome, Mr. Mamet. I’m taking your film places it’s never been before! Strap in, because we got more ridiculousness to unpack! Continue Reading »