Cru Jones Society

Over six months ago I lazily threw together a few links and offered a half-assed explanation about why Fridays here at CJS wouldn’t follow the same format as the rest of the days. Since then while I was largely away from the site, Hart and Dagger have developed Happy Friday into the institution that you all now know and love. I’m happy to be taking back the reins as part of the regular rotation on Happy Friday.

I’d also like to add that the preceding paragraph was my first using this wobbly piece of shit from Staples.  Before continuing with Happy Friday, I’d like to point out that while this thing reaches a grand maximum height of 47” or more for those occasions when you just have to use your laptop from a second story balcony, it fails to lower to the point that it is usable while sitting on my couch.  It also has a maddening 4-5” of back and forth wobblyness due to a poorly designed main mast making it almost impossible to use as it constantly moves around while you try to type.  This thing is going back to the store the first chance I get. I was better off giving myself scoliosis hunching over my coffee table trying to write. Anyway, read on…

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Yo, Monday Confessional is rapidly approaching. Hit up staff@crujonessociety.com and tell us which infomercial product you want to buy and why. We’ll publish ‘em on Monday.

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I’d like to start out this week with a link supplied by CJS reader Tron in response to our 2009 predictions article, just in case anyone was keeping score, its Limon: 1, everyone else: 0. Porn Moguls Larry Flynt, and that dirtbag from Girls Gone Wild didn’t waste any time in the early days of 2009 in asking Congress for a bailout. The entire thing was soon revealed to be a joke, and is probably the least offensive thing either of them have ever done with their lives.

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Whether Nintendo fan, James Bond aficionado, or both we think you’ll appreciate the next two videos from the folks over at Black 20. The first is a fictional adaptation of a movie by crappy director Uwe Boll of the Popular Nintendo game Contra, which Dagger can beat in like 20 minutes without even using a game genie.  All in all, if it were made into an actual movie, it probably would be an improvement on the consistently unwatchable movies Uwe has made a career of making. The second is a fictional showdown between former James Bond Pierce Brosnan, and current 007 Daniel Craig. called Quantum of Bonds If you’re anything like us, you’ll be eagerly awaiting the opportunity to use the line: “That shirt makes you look like a dickhead. Oh no wait, that’s your face.” in real life as soon as possible.

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This week I was made aware of an entirely new class of exercise. While I’m still not sure if I’m better off flexing my taint or crushing an imaginary walnut in my asshole, I’m convinced taint related fitness is the wave of the future. If its good enough for the president of france, its good enough to grace my coffee table. I look forward to ridding my body of some bad stickiness as soon as the book arrives to tell me how.

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Noted sexy scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson has a few words to say about Pluto, and we found them to be pretty interesting. The debate about whether or not to demote pluto from planet status raged on for nearly 6 years, which is interesting considering there was overwhelming scientific evidence suggesting that Pluto really shouldn’t be considered a planet. Tyson suggests that American’s love afair with the little ball of ice is probably largely due to the fact that it shares a name with Mickey Mouse’s dog. It’s also pretty interesting to hear a little about how Neil deGrasse Tyson became the go-to guy for the media when it comes to matters concerning Astronomy and Astrophysics.

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Speaking of Sexy: Jesus Mary and f’ing wow Eliza Dushku is hot.

We here at CJS are noted fans of the underrated hotness of Eliza Dushku, and we’d like to add our names to the list of people hoping that the one, two combo of Joss Whedon and Eliza in Fox’s upcoming new show Dollhouse doesn’t go the way of Firefly and is around for us to enjoy for years to come.

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This article was originally sent to me with the title: Origins of Spices. For some reason when I read that my mind filled in Origins of Species. Imagine my surprise in encountering an article about Cinnamon, Salt, Pepper and other spices. I was expecting to read something about turtles in the Galapagos islands, what do you suppose a turtle’s favorie spice would be?

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And, for those of you upset that this week’s edition of Happy friday was devoid of Sports related articles:

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We’ll finish up this week with a few words about what was easily the biggest story of the week. The inauguration of the 44^th President of the United States of America: Barack Hussein Obama. The AV Club put together of a list of no less than 70 songs written about presidents of the United States of America. Some you know, some you don’t, and one by weierdos in red energy domes that you thought was just about kinky sex. Chris Rock also shared a few thoughts about Obama and jokes. It will be interesting to see what comedians can come up with over the next four years when it comes to making fun of Obama. At least one things is for sure:

See ya next time…

Senor.Limon@crujonessociety.com