Cru Jones Society

Bill Watterson once said, “Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.” So in that vein, we give you another Happy Friday to fill the pointless quota. Enjoy.

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Once again Happy Friday means you have until 6pm tomorrow to send us your responses for Monday Confessional. This week’s question: What are the weird food combinations that you (and it seems like only you) like? Confessions should be sent to staff@crujonessociety.com. Now on with the show!

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Question: If you had the ability to transform into anything and you decided to use this power to commit a crime, what crime would you commit and what would you turn yourself into? If you said steal a Mazda by turning into a goat then you are a top suspect in Nigeria. Once in custody the goat was forced to perform with a magician during the Monte Carlo International Circus, at least that’s what we gathered from the associated photo.

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The nominations for the 81^st Academy Awards were announced, and our predictions proved to be wrong. They also proved we will never be a part of the Academy. Though that should have been obvious when Limon picked last year’s nominees and Hart picked Delgo. Or the fact that this site is named for a character in an 80’s BMX movie not played by Talia Shire. Well that’s fine, we don’t want to be part of their snooty club anyway. They probably wouldn’t our appreciate our collection of movies which include An Innocent Man, Best of the Best, and Masters of the Universe.

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If you can remember back to August, we posted a link to a Cracked article about men who looked like old lesbians. Well, lucky for us, and you as well, they have given us 30 more men who look like old lesbians. Let’s just hope none of them show up in a film adaptation of the L Word.

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We bet if you asked most Phillies fans how they celebrated their team’s World Series win they would have some boring story about going to a bar and getting tore up with the country’s best fans; or popping champagne and lighting off fireworks in their friend’s driveway; maybe they would say they tipped a few cars, started a riot and burned the lower downtown to the ground. But if you ask Lionel Rodia he won’t say any of that. He will tell you that he was on the mound when the trophy was presented, then went to the locker room and doused Ryan Howard with some bubbly. How did he manage that? Well, he had moxy, baby.

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Let’s face facts, if given the option of working or being at home rockin’ the world of our official dude/chick, whichever may apply, most of us would probably choose the rockin’ the world option. Japan has started giving workers that option. The only catch is they have to make children. Gives humpday the all too desired meaning.

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Because misery loves company, hope this gets stuck in your head too.

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We’ve been playing Tony Hawk’s Pro skater since it first popped up on the Nintendo 64. Never once in all those years was there a level in the Middle East. Maybe that will change once Oliver Percovich is done. Percovich is introducing skateboarding to Afghan youths.  Skateboarders are often the ones blamed for causing destruction so it’s nice to hear of one trying to rebuild.

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This article brings to mind a lyric from Handbook for the Sellout by Five Iron Frenzy, “Do you think that they’re too cool now? /Being popular is lame. /You’re the one who made them popular, /all their songs are still the same.” Well, maybe not that last line. Don’t tell extol the awesomeness of a pocket square until it becomes popular then call us dicks for wearing one. This is why we hate fashion magazines.

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This past Tuesday we talked about how we loved living in Colorado. Many of you agreed with us and, according to a survey done by Pew Research Center, 43 percent said Denver was the number one big city to live in. The only down side is this will probably bring more Texans and Californians crowding our wonderful streets, shopping malls, and soviet themed eateries.

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Ever wonder what it takes to join the local police department? We assumed it would be morals, athleticism, and a clean record (or at least a relative on the force). Turns out all you really need is a uniform, desire, and an inept police force. These three things will allow anyone to literally walk onto the squad in Chicago. Residents in the Windy City should feel at ease.

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Normally we are law abiding citizens, but we do appreciate the occasional crime, if it is done as a joke, doesn’t hurt anybody, and does cost us tax dollars. Someone in Austin knows what we’re talking about and pulled this prank. Though uptights at Austin Public Works weren’t too happy, but it is important to be aware of pending Zombie attacks.

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This Sunday is the Super Bowl, if you didn’t know that raise your hand and Tommy Boy will come hit you with a tack hammer because you are a moron. The game will be played in Tampa at the Raymond James Stadium, which looks like a nice enough place, but it ain’t got nothin’ on this one. We would call it the greatest stadium ever. If anyone visits this architectural wet dream and doesn’t suffer a heart attack or develops diabeetus, please tell us about it.

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See ya in the end zone . . .

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com