Cru Jones Society

What’s Snoop Dogg’s favorite weather?

Drizzle.

God that joke’s old, but we still like it. The weather report here at CJS calls for a steady drizzle of links. So let’s waste another Friday together with a steady smattering of links to quench your healthy knowledge thirst. Because it’s drizzling, son. And it’s time to fend up and get yo’ internet on. Continue Reading »

The Cru Jones Society is proud to present the second of our two winners of the 1st Annual Food, Sex or Cars? Thanksgiving Challenge. As promised, here’s Keithage with his very own CJS style article. The opinions expressed herein solely belong to Keithage and do not necessarily reflect those of the Cru Jones Society, its managers, operators, or parent company (Globex Worldwide Enterprises).  

Like everyone, I have my fair share of gripes about the world –  politics, the bailout, or douchebags  named “Todd, Tucker or Kyle” (Thank you, George Carlin) who think that a ponytail with a sportcoat is hip.  I sometimes even have a strong desire to punch some people I’ve seen walking down the street just for looking at me funny.  But my biggest problem, and the one I’m here to discuss today, is with people and their cars. Continue Reading »

The Cru Jones Society is proud to present the first of our two winners of the 1st Annual Food, Sex or Cars? Thanksgiving Challenge. As promised, here’s R with his very own CJS style article. The opinions expressed herein solely belong to R and do not necessarily reflect those of the Cru Jones Society, its managers, operators, or parent company (Globex Worldwide Enterprises).

If you’ve ever been a part of, or simply found yourself in close proximity to, a testosterone-frenzied, drunken group of guys at a bar aggressively arguing about sports, you’ve no doubt overheard things like “Dude, blank is not a sport! There’s no contact in it!” or “You’re totally a douche if you think blank is a sport, asshole.” or the occasional “You’re mom plays blank!” I have been a part of way too many of these inane conversations, so I’m here to put an end to it, at least for some of the more heavily debated games. Continue Reading »

This weeks confessional is a topic very dear to many of our reader’s hearts: The movie. Everyone out there has favorites, and as we’ve already visited, many of us have sat through some of the worst piles of excrement ever committed to celluloid. This time around, we’ll be visiting movies that everyone seems to like, but you just can’t stand.   So, on with the show.  As always CJS staff is up first followed by responses by our loyal readers. Continue Reading »

Welcome to the CJS Live Blog coverage of the 81^st Academy Awards! We’re live from CJS Headquarters in lovely downtown Denver accompanied by Lady E, our two cats Buttfor and Bumhug, and the Chinese food that took fucking forever to get here. We had planned on covering some of the red carpet festivities, but since I’ve never watched red carpet coverage before, I didn’t realize that nothing actually happens on these things. Plus, there are only so many “Hey, look how short that guy is!” jokes you can make before everyone gets sick of them. Continue Reading »

It’s Friday, we don’t want to be working, you don’t want to be working, so let’s waste company time with a brand new batch of links, some pictures, a couple of videos, and of course your Demotivator for the week. Chewbacca throws out the first pitch and we are underway! Continue Reading »

The Cru Jones Society wraps up this week’s “25 Things” feature we totally stole from Facebook with the things you may not know about E Dagger. Time to delve into more weirdness courtesy of the CJS! Continue Reading »

Today we’ll be exploring some little known, and some possibly made up facts about Sr. Limon. Up tomorrow, 25 things you may not know about E Dagger. So, without further ado, or adieu. Here’s the list. Continue Reading »

It has been almost a year and you know about things we love, like Troy Tulowitzki and cereal. You know about things we hate, monkeys and faux hawks. You have also learned of some of the odd DVDs in our collections and that Limon does in fact drive a Mini. But there are a few things you may not know about us. So in an attempt to keep up with Facebook.com (check our Cru Jones Society group there) and other such sites, we will spend the next three post informing you of 25 Things You May Know About the CJS Staff. First off we give you 25 Things You May Not Know About Lee S. Hart*. Continue Reading »

What happened, dear CJS readers? Did our question cut a little too close to home for everyone? A bit too personal? Or are all of our readers such Lotharios that there are no bad dates to be had among the lot of you? I’m guessing your dates were either so bad you’re ashamed to share them with the worldwide web where it will reside in perpetuity, or they were so painfully banal, you could barely muster up the creative energy required to re-tell the tale.

Whatever. We have 6 hilarious god-awful male/female courtship tales to tell you, so what we lack in volume, we make up for in depth. Next week’s Confessional topic should be much easier to answer and a lot more fun for most of you. One more announcement before we jump into this week’s Confessions.

Remember Food, Sex or Cars? last November and how we promised our winners the chance to write their own CJS column? Well, it’s two and a half months later, and they’re finally ready to go! That’s right, Keithage and R have penned their columns and they’ll debut next week. So look alive for that! But now, onto matters at hand. We asked you last week: In honor of the red and pink Valentine menace, what was your worst date experience of all-time? As always, staff responses ahead, reader confessions below. Enjoy the free schadenfreude. Continue Reading »

It’s Friday, tomorrow night is the most unashamedly commercial holiday of the year, the dreaded VD. Whether you’re planning to get all cuddly with that special someone, or throwing Irish car bombs down your neck hole until you can’t feel feelings, you’re welcome around here. That is, unless you’re a Brett Favre fan, in which case you can get the fuck out. Continue Reading »

Generally I like drinking only in good times and good health. Times like the weekend before a birthday and you hit happy hour before a movie, or beer while playing poker and not folding with the low straight, or a tasty margarita with your shrimp adventure dinner, or relaxing in the evening with a glass of whiskey and a cigar as you put another birthday behind you.

But sometimes a wrench is thrown in the sprockets and you end up drinking because you’re pissed, upset, or just plain sad. What follows is the reason Tuesday and Wednesday were spent drinking because I was pissed, upset and just plain sad. Continue Reading »

I’m not too sure how many House fans we have out there, but as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been enjoying the episodes on DVD via Netflix for quite some time now.   Somewhere along the way I realized that certain elements of the writing on the show lends itself pretty well to a drinking game. Being the young upstart/problem drinker that I am, I’ve decided to create one.   Since I’m pretty much making this up as I go along, I have no idea if you’d just be a little tipsy or full on hammered after playing along, but that’s really all part of the fun, isn’t it? Continue Reading »

It’s been over four years, but I finally figured out how to use my Tivo properly. You see, and I know this will be a shock of the highest order, you don’t have to be a slave to the network scheduler anymore. You can program your Tivo to record shows while you’re not there and then watch them at your leisure! I know! Mind-blowing, right? Apparently you can also record shows that look interesting that you’re uncertain about and then give ‘em a test drive without wasting your entire night sitting through the original broadcast! Amazing!

With your mind thoroughly blown, let’s take a look at two more shows I’ve tried on in the last two weeks, shall we? Continue Reading »

Welcome to Monday Confessional where we have the windows down, the system up and we’re screaming out, “We don’t give a Fuck!” We wanted to know what song causes you to turn the dial up to 11 in your car.  Assuming we all still have volume dials in our cars. We got a lot of responses, which proves that everybody does in fact want to be a rock star. So without further ado, let’s check out the drive time playlist. Continue Reading »

No, we haven’t gone gay here in this edition of Happy Friday (unless you’re offering), but our links this week are as diverse as any of the works of the esteemed and highly acclaimed Roy G Biv. So pack your umbrella because it’s about to start raining internet links everywhere! Be on the lookout for cats, dogs, bears, lingerie-clad models, and… Gloppy the Molasses Monster? Continue Reading »

There is something that’s been in the back of my mind for a long time, I just don’t understand pop culture’s fascination with monkeys, especially chimpanzees.  Yes, they have big eyes and expressive human like faces.  They can open bananas with their feet, and those Japanese white ones even hang around in hot springs like old men at my health club.  Which incidentally includes being stark ass naked, which is probably why I stopped going there, but I digress.   With apologies to Dane Cook,  does anyone really want to have a monkey around?

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Last September Dagger posted the Ten Oddest DVDs in his collection. At the end of the article he mentioned some of the lesser quality movies I own, or have owned. So I thought I would drop some knowledge and inform every one of the 10 oddest videos in my collection.

I will be the first to admit these films do not come any where near the cinematic excellence set by Dagger’s picks of An Innocent Man or Gung Ho, but dammit, I enjoy them. Maybe these will make you feel better about some of the movies taking up space in your home. Ok let’s get in focus and roll film. Continue Reading »

Never being ones for convention, here we are only four weeks into the Monday Confessional and we’ve already moved it to Tuesday for just this week. We’re iconoclasts, I tell ya’! And judging by the responses to this week’s question, most of you all are too. We received many excellent/stomach churning food combinations in response to last week’s question: What are the weird food combinations that you (and it seems like only you) like? As always, CJS Staff answers lead us off and yours are below. Next week’s question is at the bottom. Let’s do it. Continue Reading »

Welcome the first ever Cru Jones Live Blog! We’re live  from CJS Headquarters in lovely downtown Denver accompanied by Lady E, our two cats Buttfor and Bumhug who are way more interested in kneading the fleece blanket next to me than the game, a fridge full of a delightful assortment of beer (New Belgium mix pack, Smithwick’s, and Grolsch), and yours truly, E Dagger. We’ve got an hour of pre-game coverage followed by the game itself with all the oh-so-hilarious commercials mixed in. So come on inside and check out what transpired.

(Note: The Monday Confessional will appear on Tuesday this week, but will return at its regularly scheduled time next week.)

(Follow-up note: This is extremely long – over 5,300 words and 10 Word pages – so if you’re at work, maybe wait ’til lunch to read this. But don’t let that deter you because I talk commercials, announcers, and our gay cats. Enough foreplay, let’s get to it.) Continue Reading »