Cru Jones Society

It’s Friday, tomorrow night is the most unashamedly commercial holiday of the year, the dreaded VD. Whether you’re planning to get all cuddly with that special someone, or throwing Irish car bombs down your neck hole until you can’t feel feelings, you’re welcome around here. That is, unless you’re a Brett Favre fan, in which case you can get the fuck out.

First up this week is the latest evidence that the Internet is becoming self-aware. Google has been sporting a fancy new search term prediction algorithm lately that helps predict what you’re about to be looking for based on your first few keystrokes. Overall it works surprisingly well, will save the time strapped searcher at least a few keystrokes and spelling related frustration from time to time. The system apparently makes suggestions depending on the relative number of web pages out there that appear relevant. This week, someone with too much time on his hands discovered that if you type “I am extremely” into the Google search bar, the tenth result down is “I am extremely terrified of Chinese People.” A fact that steadily becomes less funny as you attempt to write a paragraph describing it. Trust me.

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Quentin Tarantino has a new flick scheduled to hit theaters in August of this year titled Inglourious Basterds(they spelled it wrong, not me). As you may expect, it promises to be both star studded, and packed with gory action. This go around he’ll be tackling history’s favorite villains; the Nazis.

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This guy is speaking out against Valentine’s Day.  In fact he’s calling for a boycott against the insanity that is February 14^th of every year. Much as you’d expect from any good curmudgeon, or any other overly-bitter, under-thinking jerk bag who is too lazy to get his girl something on Valentines Day, he claims the day shouldn’t be necessary because he appreciates his significant other SO MUCH the other 364 days of the year. Maybe you should quit complaining and just be happy that you have someone to take for granted this year.

Should you not be quite so bitter about VD, as that guy, or even Senor Limon, you might be interested in the AV Club’s list of 29 Romantic movies, save the cheese, well they used the term Schmaltz, but if you’re anything like me you’d need wikipedia to figure out what Schmaltz means exactly. You’ll be shocked to see that nothing with Hugh Grant in it made the cut…

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Thank God. Goodbye and good riddance you selfish, crying, interception throwing piece of trash. Get out and stay out. And don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way.

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As we posted in an earlier edition of Happy Friday, nothing says solution to the Illegal Immigration problem like a shitty economy. Poor Pedro Pablo is tucking his tail between his legs and boarding a one way bus back to Guatemala (ticket courtesy of the Guatemalan Consulate, god forbid he pay for something himself) because he just can’t scratch out a living in this country either. Don’t bother feeling sorry for Illegal Immigrants, they’re doing one hell of a job of feeling sorry for themselves already.

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We’re probably a little more excited than we should be, but after a long hiatus, Juvenile pop-punk sensation Blink 182 is getting back together. Blink 182 is one of the bands that introduced us to punk rock way back in the day, and because of that, CJS is interested to see what they’ll have to offer.

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A-Rod, apparently along with everyone else in the league at the time was juicing.  Just who are kids supposed to look up to these days?  Our Money is on Buzz Aldrin

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Here’s a list of the top ten infomercials of all time. It reminds us of a recent edition of Monday Confessional about your favorite infomercial products, which was unfortunately missing a little gem we didn’t even know existed. The Tiddy bear.

“The tiddy bear moves up and down to relieve pressure wherever you need it.” We never thought the day would come that we’d be jealous of a Teddy bear, or a vehicle accessory, or a vehicle accessory that looks like a teddy bear, but there you have it.  Which reminds us dear readers, be sure to craft those responses for next Week’s Monday Confessional: CJS wants to hear about your worst date experience. Did you spill shit on her? Drag him to some weepy arthouse borefest? Try the popcorn trick? Get drug against your will to a Monster Truck Rally? Let’s hear it. Because nothing gets you pumped for Valentine’s Day like reliving old shitty dates!

senor.limon@crujonessociety.com