Cru Jones Society

Welcome to the one-year anniversary of the Cru Jones Society. We officially launched the site on March 30, 2008. Lee S. Hart, Senor Limon and myself began this site with one goal in mind: To make ourselves laugh. Before we started this site, we spent (and still spend) an ordinate amount of time trying to amuse each other and distract ourselves from the arduous day-to-day grind of the workaday world. And we’ve always been this way. Continue Reading »

Commercials for the most part pretty much occupy the space between a 24 minute show and a 30 minute time block. Usually they don’t hit the radar since 99% of the commercials out there are a combination of previews for more shows, products I either don’t need, or already knew I wanted, and some feature people who are just happy that they only have to take one pill to prevent a raging herpes outbreak. Every now and again a commercial comes along that somehow despite millions of dollars of production, endless focus group testing, and what I can only assume is a small army of MBAs, manages to miss the point so completely that I am unable to even consider what product is being advertised through my blood curtling disdain over what transpires within a 30 second advertisement. Here are four that are currently chapping my ass. Continue Reading »

It’s anniversary week here at CJS. That’s right, this week we’re celebrating one year on the net and one year of wasting your time. We have some fun surprises this week so be sure to check in. But right now we’re going to start the celebrating the one way we know how, with alcohol! Though we may not want to celebrate with theses drinks since we asked you what your alcohol kryptonite is? What can you no longer drink? What did you O.D. on in college/high school/grade school that makes you want to ralph just thinking about it?

We’ll start with the CJS staff because we fear change. Then your responses will follow. And by the time it’s over, nobody will want to drink again. Bottoms up! Continue Reading »

Welcome to Friday. We’ve got a fresh batch of time-killing goodness baked up inside (it smells like cookies in there!) for you to waste away the last day of the working week. If you’re where we are as we write this, it’s snowing like a bastard and you’re dreading the prospect of brushing off your car when you go back outside because someone stole your fucking good snow brush and left you with the cheap, wooden piece of shit that doesn’t fucking work. Goddammit. Continue Reading »

The foam dome will be the last of the three new drinking products we test drove during the annual CJS Rendezvous in Tucson, Arizona. The concept of the foam dome is a simple one: take one hat, attach cup holders to the sides, and add two straws that come together in a “T” shape whose business end goes to your waiting thirsty mouth. The flabongo, and pool pong racks both earned praise from CJS, will the foam dome fare as well? Continue Reading »

I remember a time where playing Beirut in a pool involved lugging a table into the pool. In our experience, we haven’t found a place that doesn’t frown upon this idea. Since we spend all of our time working or writing about cartoon villains, fast food places, and comedy club jerks; we were unable to think of a better option than bringing a table into the pool. Fortunately somebody did have the time to figure out a solution, and they came up with the Pool Pong Rack.

So we took a break from complaining about and praising things out of our control, threw on our swim trunks, grabbed a 24 pack of beer, and put the Pool Pong Rack to the test. So I now present to you the next piece in the CJS product review series: The Pool Pong Rack. Continue Reading »

Since the CJS Crew doesn’t get together all that often (living in two different states will sadly cause that), we thought we’d take our opportunity to summon our collective goodwill and provide our readers with an important community service. Namely, we used our time together to try out products we know are important to our readership.

Today, and in the two days to follow, we’re providing you with vital product reviews of the novelty drinking goods you can utilize during your next tailgate, pool party, or boring Sunday afternoon. The timing is perfect considering next week’s Confessional covers alcohol too! We tested these products extensively and are here to give you the insight you crave. Look for Lee S. Hart tomorrow and Senor Limon on Thursday with reviews of the products they purchased. Today, we’ll start with a product that made its first appearance on the Cru Jones Society in Happy Friday #6. I’m talking of course about the incomparable Flabongo. Continue Reading »

This week CJS is fresh off of our annual meet in sunny Tucson, AZ. In preparation for our quick vacation, we’d asked you to tell us about your weird, wild, and just plain silly travel stories. This week is quality over quantity, as we’ve only received submissions from regular contributers Deuce and Augie.Maestas.

Fortunately for us, both stories are nothing short of excellent. Augie nearly had to start a new life for himself South of the Border, and Deuce explains how the fantasy of every single male traveling alone on an airplane, can become horribly awkward and wrong. But first, Dagger reminds us that even in the 21st Century, traveling halfway across the world is a pain in the ass, and Hart tells us what we all already knew: a 7 A.M. Return flight from Las Vegas is never a good idea. Limon completes the CJS staff trifecta of boozing and flying stories with a cautionary tale about spending the night out in Alaska boozing at one of the greatest bars in America the night before your early morning flight home on your first ever business trip. Continue Reading »

The beers were tasty, the sun was pleasant, and the company was stupendous. But with the good also comes the bad. So here are a few of my Cheers and Jeers from Tucson. I equaled them out, but don’t let that fool you there were way more cheers, mostly while sitting around drinking (see what I did there?). Continue Reading »

We just returned from our annual CJS Rendezvous in Tucson. We covered some CJS business, drank a shitload of Coors Light, smoked about a hundred cigarettes, and marveled at how spring training baseball games eerily resemble a retirement community field trip. Here are a few random thoughts from our travels in no particular order. Continue Reading »

This is part three of our three-part series “How It Feels.” Today, our own walking accident, Senor Limon, gives you the skinny how what it’s like to have your schnozz busted up and to have your father summarily dismiss your concerns about it.

We’ve documented the fact that I’m basically a walking accident waiting to happen (Ed. note: See?), and considering all the things that have happened to me, breaking my nose when I was 13 really doesn’t rank all that highly on my list of painful experiences. But the event and the activities immediately surrounding it were really pretty strange. It was also the only occasion in my life that something I’ve done has actually resulted in a broken bone. Continue Reading »

Today is part two of our three-part series “How It Feels.” Lee S. Hart tackles the uncomfortable topic of ulcerative colitis. Many of you have no idea how this feels, and after reading this, we’d be willing to bet, most of you will be thanking your lucky stars that you haven’t.

Most medical experts agree that men should have a colonoscopy around age 40, just so the doctor can have a look around in there and make sure everything is ok. I had my first one a whole 17 years early at age 23, and needless to say, I wish I could have waited. They did not find cancer, and regardless of what you may think, my head was not up there either. What the doctor did find was Ulcerative Colitis. It’s not cancer, but still, FML. Continue Reading »

Welcome to “How It Feels” where the Cru Jones Society lets you experience, well, how it feels. To kick off this feature, we take on how some different surgical procedures and bodily ailments feel.  Look for Lee S. Hart tomorrow, hopefully Senor Limon on Thursday (if not him, we’ll have a special guest poster), and possibly some thoughts on Tucson by Friday. But for now, let’s talk Lasik.

Two years ago I attended an Avalanche game where a bunch of cute brunettes in the main lobby handed out flyers that read, “$1000 off Lasik surgery if the Avs score in the 1^st period!” I wondered who would actually participate in such an activity. Ten months later I gripped the flyer anxiously in my hand praying the Avs were able to ram one home so I could get a fat discount on my impending eye surgery. Continue Reading »

Before we take a much needed vacation from our jobs, from school, and from the weird lady who smells like carrots that occupies the office across the hall from the CJS offices, we decided to leave you with a fresh crop of links to hold you over for the weekend. Check back in on Tuesday as we begin a series entitled “How it Feels.” So we hope enjoy this week’s Happy Friday, as for us, we’ve got a plane to catch. Continue Reading »

We here at CJS are fans of many things, Movies, music, Cartoons and breakfast cereal all among them, today I’ll be exploring one of everyone’s favorite mainstay items of American life.  The simple, the flagrantly unhealthy, and the delicious fast food hamburger, lets have a look at a few of my favorites, and why I like them.

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When I was growing up as a gigantic pro wrestling fan, I was never as interested in the main event as I was in the guys who fought on the undercard. Sure, I loved Hulk Hogan as much as any five year-old, but if you asked me who my favorite wrestler was, I would have told you straight up that it was either Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat or Shawn Michaels of The Rockers. I always felt special rooting for the guy most others overlooked. That’s why I’m dedicating today’s post to the actors who don’t get the love they deserve. Come on inside and celebrate unappreciated genius. Continue Reading »

This past weekend I attended a University of Denver (DU) hockey game against their bitter rivals Colorado College (CC). I was in the student section even though I am not a student (my somewhat ill-gotten I.D. says otherwise). Sitting in the section made me realize I need to recant some of my statements from a previous post. In Stadium Fun I told of my distaste of joining in chants, this one night in the DU student section convinced me that it is a whole lotta fun and much better than chanting at other events. Continue Reading »

Welcome back to the Monday Confessional, sinners and saints. This week’s topic was music, and we received several interesting responses. Our question: “What song sends you into a blind rage more than any other and might cause you to drift into oncoming traffic if you were unable to change your radio station?” generated some of the funniest emails to date. We’re going to break form temporarily to let one of our readers take the top spot, but only because it ties into one of the staff responses. So come on in, and let’s hope none of these shitty songs implant themselves in your brain for the rest of the day. Continue Reading »

This week we have a startling number of Denver and Colorado-centric articles, and why not? As we’ll find out, despite being home to a whiny quarterback, Denver has been scientifically proven to be one of the country’s most manly cities, so smooth down your manly lumberjack beard, and roll up those red flannel sleeves, its time for some Happy Friday! Continue Reading »

Recently I’ve been watching reruns of That 70’s Show on the cable network The N, which is billed as “TV. for teens.” Really nothing like watching a station whose main demographic is 10 to 14 years younger than me, and thus every commercial break I am inundated with more ads for acne treatment than Nirvana has songs about heroin. But that’s beside the point here. There are also ads for That 70’s Show where the narrator informs us that the characters are, “like my friends, only funnier.” I call shenanigans on that as those Wisconsin dope heads are not as funny as my friend who busted his head open on the ceiling while jumping down the stairs, or my other friend who inquired about anal beads from the Las Vegas convenient store clerk, or even the kid who referred to a proctologist as an “assamatronamist.” But I did start to imagine what it would be like to be friends with those kids. Then I thought about what it would be like to hang out with other sitcom characters. The results after these messages, er, after the jump. Continue Reading »