Cru Jones Society

This week we have a startling number of Denver and Colorado-centric articles, and why not? As we’ll find out, despite being home to a whiny quarterback, Denver has been scientifically proven to be one of the country’s most manly cities, so smooth down your manly lumberjack beard, and roll up those red flannel sleeves, its time for some Happy Friday!I’d like to do us all a favor and get a few sports articles out of the way.  Theres a new fad sweeping the ranks of College Baseball faster than Randy Johnson throwing a fastball at a seagull.  More than a few teams are scrapping traditional baseball signs for number combinations yelled out by the third base coach, which are then decoded by players when they look at a wristband.   I’m sure some purists are crying about how baseball is losing out on a grand tradition of a sweaty smelly old man third base coach grabbing his sweaty old man balls 78 times an inning while attempting to signaling to base runners, or possibly ease that severe burning case of crabs he’s had since an interlude with a french hooker in a Milwaukee Motel Room back in 1974 when he was a middle reliever for a some minor league outfit, but the new numbers trend its all in the name of efficiency and playing the game more effectively, and when it comes down to it tradition is nothing compared to winning games.

Switching gears from Baseball to a real sport:  Broncos QB Cutler squirting a few over how the Broncos discussed trading him in an effort to snap up hot commodity Matt Cassel from New England. Cutler is aghast that the Broncos would consider trading him any more than the Giants would consider trading Eli Manning, or the Colts trade Peyton. Well, guess what, they’ve both won a hell of a lot more games, and a super bowl or two more than you, Cutler. Perhaps you should just shut up and worry about earning the right to keep from being traded instead of just complaining about something that didn’t even happen, hmm?

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In an effort to segue from the world of sports to the world of entertainment, CJS reader Flickerbock submitted this 14 question quiz about Wrestlemainia. I got 5 out of 14 right, which I don’t think is bad at all considering I didn’t know the answer to a single one of them.

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Our friends at IGN continue their grand tradition of publishing poorly researched, mediocre, and largely pointless and juvenile articles about the world of entertainment with this article about 10 Great Punk Rock drummers. I do enjoy how they’ve attempted to dodge potential criticism about glaring oversights by simply stating that the article is about 10 great drummers, instead of being so conclusive as to name the 10 greatest Punk Drummers, or other such forays into the realm of concrete declarations like the 10 greatest Living Punk Drummers, or the 10 Greatest Punk drummers that we know about. Really though, we’re just jealous that those guys over at IGN get paid to write about the same stuff we have to sneak away from our bosses at work to write about.

 

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In other entertainment news Bon Jovi has a book and a documentary due out in the fall. We at CJS all look forward to volumes of the finer points on mullets and leather pants. In fact, once both the book and documentary are out, our lives may just finally be complete. Its also worth mentioning that Former Happy Friday Linkee Kanye West is back making headlines saying some seriously facepalm worthy shit:

 ”My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live”…

Bravo sir, our greatest pain in life is that you’ll probably never realize how stupid you sound, since you’ve clearly surrounded your entire existence with yes men who are clearly too dependent on you for easy income to ever tell you that you aren’t shit.

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 Speaking of shitty music, this week’s Confessional wants to know: Which song, if played on the radio in your car, would make you drift into oncoming traffic were you unable to change the station? In other words, which song is so bad, you go blind with rage every time you hear it? Send your answers to staff@crujonessociety.com, and join the fun on Monday.

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This week saw the passing of an occasion so rare it only occurs Nine times every century. 03/03/2009 brought us Sqare Root day. Here at CJS we’re really more gung Ho about Pi Day, which is just around the corner on March 14^th, which like any real man’s holiday is celebrated annually.

Speaking of real men,  Denver has been named one of America’s top 5 manliest cities, based on such scientific criterium as the frequency of monster truck rallies and the popularity of tools (such as the sawsall) in the area. Those scarf wearing sissies over in New York City finished last. Apparently everyone who lives there hates tools, and never gets to go to a monster truck rally, that is, if you can consider that living.

 

We’d also like to call attention to an interesting article from frequent Happy Friday denizen the AV club, who communicates a shockingly bitter portrayal of Snickers’ new ad campaign centering around a made up language called “snacklish.” CJS would probably have a stronger opinion on the whole issue, but we pretty much just found out it was going on, so we’re not really fed up with the whole thing just yet.

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And, Finally, CJS favorite Cracked.com is back to ruin your day with an article about 6 of your favorite things that are inevitably making you fatter. We don’t have much to say about this article, other than to admit that we’re guilty of all six, and probably before noon.

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Last and certainly not least, we’ve got your demotivator for the week.

 

senor.limon@crujonessociety.com