Cru Jones Society

I remember a time where playing Beirut in a pool involved lugging a table into the pool. In our experience, we haven’t found a place that doesn’t frown upon this idea. Since we spend all of our time working or writing about cartoon villains, fast food places, and comedy club jerks; we were unable to think of a better option than bringing a table into the pool. Fortunately somebody did have the time to figure out a solution, and they came up with the Pool Pong Rack.

So we took a break from complaining about and praising things out of our control, threw on our swim trunks, grabbed a 24 pack of beer, and put the Pool Pong Rack to the test. So I now present to you the next piece in the CJS product review series: The Pool Pong Rack.

Dagger sent me a link to a website showing two bikini clad hotties playing Beirut in the pool with cups floating on two blue triangles. That site gave me problems in the ordering department, as did about three other websites. Finally, at poolpongrack.com, I was able to order these ingenious contributions to social drinking.

The first step to floating Beirut is inflating the racks. Since the racks are like breasts after plastic surgery (bigger than I expected) and I didn’t have any kind of pump, this task sucked. Though I did become light headed, much in the same way as sniffing glue, so that was a bonus.

The racks are designed to hold six cups a piece. This is four less than I was used to, but oh well, I got over it. Since most pools forbid glass and alcohol, I recommend filling the cups before heading to the pool. Unless heading to the pool involves operating an automobile, then I would wait. CJS doesn’t approve of drinking and driving and follows all open container laws to the “T”.

The natural idea is to set up much like pool volleyball, where one team is in the deeper end than the other team. If you’re looking for a real game, or as close to a real game as you’ll get from this, I recommend setting up and playing across the width of the pool. Playing across the length will cause one team to have the racks at eye level. Think about any time you have played Beirut, have you ever shot with the cups at eye level? To our vertically challenged readers, I apologize if that is the only way you have played. It becomes much harder to properly aim and adjust for distance.

The team in the shallow end will be able to play above the cups, granted the water and air is at a warm enough temperature (see: Reflections From Tucson). Playing width-wise puts both teams at an even playing field, at least for this variable.

The racks hold the cups tightly, so there’s no spillage. And they’re able to stay afloat even with 24 fluid ounces of beer. The drawback is that they are not anchored and if the opposing team doesn’t hold on to the rack for you, it will wander wherever it damn well pleases. This also gives the option of being a complete dick and moving the rack when the ball is thrown. It can also aid in speeding up a game where some just doesn’t have his throw and sucks worse than a white NBA player not named Bird, Nash, or Stockton.

Another factor to be wary of is the wind. Unlike the indoors, there is a slight breeze that exists near swimming pools. It is usually strong enough to carry a ping pong ball and can come with out warning.

Additional downfalls include a small amount of chlorine getting into the beers and having nowhere nearby to set the empty cups – neither of which is enough to ruin the game for me. And if you’re one to play Beirut in the water, it’s not going to be enough to ruin the game for you.

The Pool Pong Rack found a way to combine my favorite drinking game with my favorite place to be during the summer. It is a stroke of pure genius akin to the discovery that chocolate and peanut butter are awesome together. At $19.95 (plus S&H) it is a hell of a lot less expensive than swim up black jack and just as fun, if not more so.

CJS Product Review Rating: Beertacular!

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com