Realistic depiction.

The foam dome will be the last of the three new drinking products we test drove during the annual CJS Rendezvous in Tucson, Arizona. The concept of the foam dome is a simple one: take one hat, attach cup holders to the sides, and add two straws that come together in a “T” shape whose business end goes to your waiting thirsty mouth. The flabongo, and pool pong racks both earned praise from CJS, will the foam dome fare as well?

Few drinking products resonate an aura of pure white trash like the Foam Dome. Someone, somewhere decided that only suckers hold beer in their hands and that you should be able to get drunk in a much lazier manner by attaching two beers to the side of a hat, and drinking them through a connected straw. This way its possible to not only look silly while you drink, but free up both hands for whatever activity you find necessary while you’re drinking, such as whittlin’ or brandishin’ your shotgun.

We first ran into trouble with the Foam Dome, ours a green plastic baseball helmet with a white shamrock on the front, purchased at a Spencer’s Gifts a week before St Patty’s Day, when we tried to set it up for Hart who would be first to test out our third and most disappointing drinking product of the weekend. It turns out two full cans of beer are kind of heavy when you’re trying to balance them on your head, and the rubber straws are just cantankerous enough to mean that you’ll need assistance from a friend or two to get yourself set up to enjoy 24oz of hands-free beer. On the plus side, our model came with a handy lapel clip so you won’t have to walk around like a goofball with your straw swinging all over the place as you go about your business drinking hands free. Unfortunately we would have to re-task this little clip before long.

In retrospect, we should have had a better idea what it is we were getting in to. Drinking beer through a straw isn’t something commonly done for good reason. Beer is foamy, and traveling two feet through the inside of a narrow plastic straw is more than enough to transform delicious golden beer into repugnant foam by the time it reaches your mouth. To compound the issue, your first couple sips of beer cause a siphoning effect, meaning if you choose to wear the foam dome, you’re doomed to choke down a steady stream of beer foam until both cans are gone. We were able to maintain some measure of sanity by pinching off the straw with the lapel clip for a break from the beer.

Soon everyone gave the foam dome a shot, and between all of us we were able to finish off the two cans of beer that we had started. After that, the foam dome went back in my suitcase where it came from, and nobody really looked back. The foam dome offers about 15 minutes of novelty entertainment, but after that proves to be way more trouble than it’s worth. Its a heck of a lot less trouble to just hold your beer like a normal person, and since there’s not a game involved like with the pool pong rack, and you’re not enjoying a novel way to ingest an entire beer in a matter of seconds, there really isn’t much that makes the foam dome worth all the trouble.

Acutal foam dome tested.

We also learned that it looks pretty darn ridiculous when you’re wearing a bright green foam dome complete with two cans of beer, but not quite as ridiculous as it looks when you’re wearing the foam dome with a can of beer on one side and a bottle on the other. Especially since the loss of balance means the person wearing it inevitably cocks his or her head to the side just a little. After less than an hour of messing around with the foam dome, we had learned why the concept never really caught on. I suppose we here at CJS will have to rethink our lifelong dream of sitting on our front porch in a lawn chair on a beautiful summer day splashing our feet in kiddie pool while enjoying cold ones two at a time without all the hassle of lifting our hands to our face.

Oh well, live and learn. CJS Product Review Rating: Wo-Beer-rthless

senor.limon@crujonessociety.com