Cru Jones Society

 

A few weeks ago Limon mentioned a few television commercials that annoyed the shit out of him. While he did list some awful ones that bother me, he didn’t touch on the few that make me almost not want to view television at all, unless it’s at a later date at Tivo is involved. So what follows here are the four advertisements that I hate above all other obnoxious shit on TV, that includes Dr. Phil.

Boost Mobile – Bicycle, Unwronged

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT89qfDx3yM

Boost Mobile was for a long time know for their slogan, “Where you at?” Even had a fun ad campaign showing what would have happened if celebrities had chosen a different career path, my favorite was punk rock drum superstar Travis Barker as a weight lifter. Now Boost Mobile has gone with the phrase and idea that paying too much for mobile service is wrong. It is so wrong that by comparison other actual wrong things seemed just fine in civilized society. I will give a pardon to the one with the pigs eating a ham dinner because it lead to the CJS office joke, “Soylent ham is pig.” Then I would picture a pig version of Charlton Heston running around trying to warn other pigs.

The one I can not give any kind of support to is the one with the chick and dude on the tandem bike. At first viewing it appears that the chick’s hair is blowing into the dude’s face. But as you look closer you realize that it is actually her armpit hair. Armpit hair that is longer then her damned arms. I threw up a little in my mouth just thinking about. You know what, Boost Mobile? That shit is wrong. We have to move on before I make a real mess at my desk.

TheTruth.com – Ratman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiwWz5RJ8zE

I have major issues with the entire Truth ad campaign. These pushy mother fuckers try so hard to convince people who aren’t doing something to not do that same thing. I am also offended by their tactics of using television and radio to attack an industry that isn’t allowed to use television or radio to promote their product. I don’t smoke. I don’t nag people who smoke. That is their choice. This country is founded on the basis of people being allowed to choose how they live. If they want to smoke who are we to say they can’t or shouldn’t?

After recently taking a class that discussed, in depth, rhetoric and fallacies, I have come to hate these commercials even further. I see these underhanded tactics that Truth uses to make their points. The one with the giant rat is a prime example of this. The rat is used to let people know that cigarette smoke contains cyanide, the main lethal ingredient used in rat poison. What they fail to mention is that cyanide is also found in apple seeds, mangoes, and bitter almonds. Truth, like many other media sources, prey on the fear and ignorance of the public and I don’t agree with that kind of marketing. The Truth ads have always made me want to smoke more than they make me not want to smoke.

Sobe Life Water -Lizard Lake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg-p5Xsct4Y

I’m not sure if I should call it dancing lizards or brawling lizards or what exactly. This commercial first aired during the Super Bowl, in 3d. I didn’t have glasses so that aspect was wasted on me. But watching this commercial several times since, I am convinced that the Sobe folks didn’t realized when the Super Bowl was. This commercial looks like it was half assly slapped together, much like the word “assly.” There are men with the appearance of football players wearing leotards doing ballet. At least I assume that is supposed to ballet. None of them seem to be in sync with each other and it looks like something I would have choreographed. Meanwhile there are several lizards wandering around the area as well. Suddenly a football game breaks out between the ballet dancers and lizards which turns into weird random dancing and ends with one of the humans morphing into a lizard. Seriously what the fuck is going on and what does it have to do with flavored water? It’s a commercial full of half realized half ideas. The Sobe commercial from the previous Super Bowl annoyed the hell out of me as well. The lizards were doing the Thriller Dance, that part was fine. What pissed me off was there was one lone human woman dancing. She was the size of a real human while the lizards were the size normal lizards. My only assumption is that Fry was right in his assessment that girls like swarms of things.

Freecreditreport.com – Free Credit Report Band

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZkLj8oo8CM

I have a list of things I hate about these commercials. First, of all I haven’t wanted to punch a singer of a band as hard as I can in the face since Scott Stapp. Second, this band has 6 songs and they are all about how bad their credit is. And each is of a different genre. Very few talented bands can get away with varying genres. What makes you think you can do it? Maybe if you wrote songs that people actually wanted to hear then you could be a popular and successful band and fix you credit. Baring that maybe quit your shitty music job and get real ones that will allow you to fix your credit. Third, you’re pissed because your supposed dream girl fucked your credit. Maybe you shouldn’t have waited for her to tell you how her credit and asked her about it before you married her. She seems to be pretty cool to let your stupid ass band play their shitty music, which contains a song where you rag on her, in you cramped quarters. There are other people in your band, play at one of their homes for fuck sake. Maybe think about someone else for once, dick. Finally, they end up getting a gig playing a Renaissance Festival where they play punk rock. I really don’t think that would fly at a Renaissance Festival where more or less they shoot for historical accuracy, at least for things like music and costumes.

I wish ad execs would bring back fun commercials. You know, the ones with bikini clad babes showing how fun it is to drink frosty cold beer. Hell, I’ll even settle for an old lady being upset at the size of her meat patty. Even if these advertisers just put a little more thought into their ideas and not push out ones just to meat a deadline.

Maybe sometime soon Dagger will chime in with a few more that he hates. God knows there are plenty of them out there and they are fairly unavoidable at this point.

See ya in the comments…

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com