Cru Jones Society

Getting angry is something we all do. Generally it is justified, like catching your best gal (or guy) in bed with another guy, walking out to the car only to find some dickless piece of shit keyed it, or being an overrated goalie and letting a game winning puck get by you with 0.2 second left in the game. This list is not about those things. No, this list is about the little things that cause no serious repercussions or affect your life for more then a few brief minutes but these things still get the blood boiling for those few brief moments.

1. Answering Machines in Modern Movies

Over the past few years, ten or so I wasn’t really paying attention, someone created voice mail (citation needed) and that revolutionized the way humans received messages. We suddenly had a message at the push of a button on our phones. No need to buy a separate device that uses the outdated technology of cassette tapes, a special smaller tape no less; you couldn’t just use that crappy mix tape made for you by that whore who broke your heart.

Even with this great new message storing technology there are still two places to find the answering machine: in the home of old people who don’t understand new things, and in movies written or directed by lazy, untalented writers or directors.

In a world where voice mail exists people are still making movies, which take place in modern times, where an answering machine is used by a character under the age of 45. It becomes apparent that the answering machine only as a plot device. The machine serves to inform the audience the main character has a strained relationship with a father/wife/friend. If the writer or director were more talented they would find a way to convey this relationship way in a less archaic way.

This minor little moment, literally the message we hear last about a minute, upsets me as I began to focus only on why there is a machine and I am taken completely out of the movie for at least ten minutes, longer if the movie is utter crap. There’s no reason for me to get this angry and worked up after all, it’s just a movie.

2. Being on the Highway Behind a Toyota Prius

I  don’t have too much of  a problem with the Prius, aside from it’s stupid look, and it’s attempt to make the industry I work in obsolete, and the smugness of those who own a Prius. I don’t have a problem with them when I’m doing city driving and I’m all for breathing cleaner air, I know I’m a weirdo.

But as soon as I get stuck behind one of these smug sumbitches on the freeway I turn into an obscenity spewing ball of rage, kind of like Eminem sans the rhyming and the beats. I have never been on the freeway behind one of these so called cars that was doing more than 10 under the speed limit. I end up behind these ass-hats going ass slow and pissing my ass off. The rest of my drive is spent in a pissy mood and I’m only behind this douche for a minute at the most.

3. Nitro Circus’ Choice for a Theme Song

One of MTV’s latest shows, Nitro Circus has chosen to use “State of Massachusetts” by Dropkick Murphys for its theme song. Now you may think that this angers me because it is punk rock used in a mainstream fashion. Well, you’d be wrong. Since a shampoo commercial has used a song by the Transplants, a band where two thirds of the band members don’t have hair, I understand that punk rock is part of the mainstream culture.

What bothers me about this song choice is that this is one of those songs with a social conscience. The song is about abused and neglected children who have been put into the custody of the state of Massachusetts. Not exactly the sort of thing I would relate to a show about a bunch of extreme sports athletes doing back flips on big wheels, base jumping, or racing sitting lawn mowers.

I really shouldn’t get angry over this one at all. The part of the song they use is the open riff. There are no lyrics and the music itself fits with the whole concept of the show. It really is one of those times when ignorance would be bliss.

4. Getting the Answer Wrong at Trivia When it’s Something You Know

Here’s the scenario: you’re at trivia night at the local bar, there is a $25 gift card on the line. The quizmaster reads of the question. Without hesitation you jot down an answer, totally confident that you nailed it. You walk up to turn in your sheet like you’re the cock of the walk. The quizmaster then reads off the correct answers to the questions. So far you’re sitting pretty and there’s one last one to read off, the one you were so confident about. As the first sounds leave the quizmaster’s mouth you realize you were wrong.

Despite the number of times you have watched the movie, or the number of action figures from the movie you have, or the giant fucking poster that hangs in your living room and you look at on a daily basis you still wrote down the wrong Tarantino movie. Upon hearing the correct answer it all comes flooding in, “Dammit! That’s from the commode story. Fuckin hell! How could I have been so dumb?”

For some reason I dwell on this thing longer than I probably should. This actually happened to me on Tuesday night and I was still fuming about it yesterday. About a month ago I had a similar situation where I mixed up the films “Network” and “Broadcast News,” and I dwelled on that well into the next day. On the grand scheme I had a good time and it was only point. Wait, in both of those occasions I tied with another team. So that means that one point would have put my team ahead of them and there wouldn’t have been a dance off my team would ultimately lose.

Dammit!

I guess in the end letting out these little bursts of anger is ok. They don’t hurt anybody and it stops it from building up and causing me to explode in a very harmful ways. Seriously that one point would have made a difference. Dammit!

See ya in anger management classes…

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com