Cru Jones Society

 

It’s tempting to say this week’s Confessional topic bombed spectacularly (we got one response, from Gutter), but we think it’s a bit more complicated than that. The simple question of whether or not you’d forsake life on earth for eternal life and health on a space ship is a relatively unassuming question requiring a simple yes or no answer and an explanation, but as you begin to ponder the implications of either answer, you have to mine your innermost thoughts, feelings, and deeply held spiritual beliefs to fully accept whatever answer you’ve given. Based on all the above we were forced to make this Monday Confessional a little different. We will hopefully be back to the classic format next week. Until then we offer our insights into the movie Cocoon.

Dagger: Above all else, Cocoon is basically light, broad comedy. Old guys talk about getting boners, Steve Guttenberg acts like Steve Guttenberg (i.e. hilarious – am I right?) and Don Ameche out-disco dances a bunch of greasy goomba whippersnappers.

Hart: I remember watching this as a kid and loving all the above, except the boner jokes. I didn’t understand those at the time.

Dagger: But when you stop and think about the movie’s larger message: Facing and fearing death, whether or not you’ll live forever, and losing the people you love to sickness and old age – the movie takes on some heady themes. In a weird way, the movie is a referendum on Judeo-Christian philosophy because presumably the characters depicted have lived lives of faith (to whatever extent) when all of a sudden some aliens come to earth, promise immortality, and probably without knowing it, undermine the entire basic belief in God. The alien characters in this movie either disprove the existence of God, or are God. Whatever the case, they certainly don’t resemble God in any traditional Christian sense.

Hart: They resemble God more so than Trey and Matt’s version.

Dagger: So with that in mind, it’s easy to understand why everyone is hesitant to answer this question. Hell, even if you’re an atheist, the basic question of this movie castrates your belief too because atheism predicates itself on the life cycle confined only to earth. Again, everything you believed prelude to meeting these aliens has been thrown out the window and you now have an opportunity to leave your earthly body and travel the heavens as an otherworldly creature (or a freaky, glowing apparition in this case). Not an easy thing to wrap your mind around.

When we initially conceived this question, none of this occurred to me, and I didn’t think about it in such broad terms. If you’re a devout Christian (or Jew, for that matter), getting on the spaceship is essentially like taking the banker’s offer on “Deal or No Deal” instead of keeping your faith that the $1 million (in this case, heaven) is in your briefcase. The characters in this movie are nearing the end of the game and instead of seeing it all the way through, they’re taking the banker’s offer and living comfortably on what is almost certainly an inferior offer to what is promised by God in the Kingdom of Heaven.

Hart: In the latest Happy Friday, Dagger linked to Adam Carolla’s podcast and I spent all weekend listening to Adam and a plethora of celebrities talk about various topics. During the podcast with Seth MacFarlane religion was brought up. They mention an idea that becoming aware of our own mortality is what may have lead to the idea of God and religion and all that. This struck me as an interesting perspective. This larger message in Cocoon, in a sense relates back to that. If mortality was the basis of religion, then immortality, in a sense, means there is no need for religion. This could be viewed as us attempting to shit on your faith and beliefs, which is something we are not about here at CJS, unless of course you’re into Scientology.

Dagger: Exactly! Do you undermine whatever level of faith you have to answer a stupid question on a comedy website? Do you serve yourself a heaping helping of cognitive dissonance by letting us all know you’ll be on the ship and spit in God’s eye, or do you risk ridicule by reasserting your faith for everyone to see? Basically all of you have said,

“No.”

And we get that, so we’ll do our best to keep these questions a little bit lighter and not so unintentionally rooted in theocratic debate.

Hart: When Dagger and I discussed this the first time, as he said none of the religious aspects occurred to us. Though even if it had, the two of us are close enough in our friendship that it wouldn’t be a big deal. But by posing the question to many folks that we aren’t as close with we unintentionally broke one of the cardinal rules of conversation: don’t talk about religion.

Dagger: When Hart and I debated this the first time, I said I wouldn’t get on the ship. Despite how it may seem, I’m generally an extremely happy guy by nature. There is so much in this world I have yet to see, and like the Bernie character at the end of the movie, I feel like “This is my home. This is where I belong.” Sometimes when I’m out with friends, I try to see the city I live in like I’ve never looked at it before. I call it “being a tourist in my own city” and it’s wonderful. I was on the 16^th Street Mall looking at the city last summer after a friend’s wedding like I’d never ever set foot in it, and I was overcome with happiness and amazement. And I knew at that moment I wanted to marry Lady E.

While it’s tempting to get on the spaceship with all of my friends and cruise around the universe with them forever, I get tired of people quickly, and “forever” is a long fucking time. The very idea of forever is often too much for me to handle – the guarantee of it is even worse. While I’m about as change resistant as they come, absolute cognitive permanence is way too little change for me. Plus, every good story has a beginning, middle and end. That’s true of literature, television shows, and movies, but it’s especially true of life.

Hart: You have a good point there. Hell, even The Never Ending Story had a fucking ending. However, I said that I would get on the spaceship. For me it’s more about seeing and exploring something completely new. The way you look at your hometown as though you’re seeing it for the first time is fine and even going places here on earth you haven’t seen is great, you still have the ability to know what you’re going to see. But traveling through space, specifically on the Cocoon ship, is new. To me it’s like being a little kid and going exploring down by the creek near your house. It’s all so new. That excites me. That is until I run into that face hugger thing from Alien.

Dagger: The alien characters have a detached confidence and cold-eyed stare throughout the film knowing they’ll never get sick and they’ll never die. By joining them in their invincibility, you give up what makes you human. I can’t believe I’m coming back to this again, but life is defined through pain. But pain and sadness are the result of previous happiness. Like Butters says after the chick from Raisins dumps him, “Yeah… And I’m sad! But at the same time I’m really happy that something can make me feel that sad… It’s like… It makes me feel alive, y’know? It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now, is if I felt somethin’ really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I’m feelin’ is, like a beautiful sadness…”

Hart: I agree with Dagger and Butters. But the not getting or being sick really appeals to me. As mentioned before on the site, I am living with a chronic disease, one that puts me at higher risk for another disease. Not living with this disease would be something I am all for. My life is somewhat controlled by this disease and that makes me feel like I’m not totally living.

I will admit I would miss those close to me. But since this movie was made, even since Dagger and I first discussed this there have been many advancements in technology. I’m pretty sure that I would be able to use WiFi and twitter my life and get other people’s tweets and still contribute this site. I could give articles on the difference between McDonald’s on earth and McDonald’s on Omicron Persei 8.

Dagger: I like who I am and I like life on earth. I’m not getting on that spaceship. It’s easy to say because I’m young (like the Steve Guttenberg character), but there’s too much life to live here. Besides, I know I can be an insufferable prick, but that’s who I am and were I to lose the ability to feel pain/guilt/remorse/sadness/joy, well, eternal life is no reward at all, just a different way to die.

Hart: I am younger than Dagger, but I think due to my ulcerative colitis (like Wilfred Brimley and his diabeetus) I am more aware or concerned of my own mortality. I think this affects my decision more than anything else. Besides if I wanted to be like a Steve Guttenberg character I would choose Mahoney or even Newton Crosby. Yeah definitely Newton Crosby and build me some robots.

Ok, the last few Monday Confessional questions have been a bit heavier than we had hoped. We’re going to attempt to lighten it back up. Over a year ago Dagger wrote a piece about annoying famous people, all which he wanted to punch in the face. We’re pretty sure you have a similar list. This week we want you to tell us the ONE famous person you want to punch in the face. Maybe it’s a musician, athlete, actor, historical figure, maybe it’s Steve Guttenberg. Who ever it is we want to know about it. But remember you only get one punch, so make it count. Send your response to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll throw ‘em next week.

Dagger and Hart