Cru Jones Society

 

Whether you’re hanging’ out, drinking in the back of the El Camino, or at work, it’s time to enjoy another cavalcade of comedic and captivating computer enjoyment. We have plenty more alteration with this week’s batch of links. So, without further delay, storm through the party like your name is El Nino.

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The party we referenced several time in the opening is a birthday party for none other than the Mini Cooper. Yes the tiny little car we make fun of Senor Limon for owning turned 50. In car years that’s, well, still 50, but it’s still a long time. Aside from the parry, we’re celebrating with a brief look back at the history of this goofy little car. The picture of Ringo (Starr) in his tricked out Mini solidifies that this is an awesome party!

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Working at CJS doesn’t yield the kind of benefits or perks found at other jobs. Things like health insurance, stock options, or even pay checks. So when we read this article about companies giving their executives expensive as fuck renovations, retirement packages, even paying them after they died; we got a little depressed. We want golden offices, golden retirements, and golden showers, er, wait, not that last one. In order to achieve these things, we ask that you give us five dollars every day.

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It’s time now for our first of two links to some chuckle inducing pictures. This first set comes from funkjelly.com, which is one of the better domain names on the net. These pictures are of rock legend Mick Jagger and help back up this urban legend.

Regardless of how gay Mick looks in those pictures, it doesn’t take away the awesomeness of the song “Paint it Black.” Why would we bring that up? Could it be our way to segue to the Monday Confessional question? Let’s see, we mention a kick ass song, and this week’s question is: What is your ONE all time favorite song? Why yes, that was our way to segue. So pick out ONE song you hold above all other, not a list of songs, not the top two, just your one favorite. Send your response to staff@crujonessociety.com and look for all the answers on Monday.

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Frivolous lawsuit of the week. A woman in Florida is suing a pet cemetery. We really could leave it at that, but it gets better. She claims the owner of the cemetery failed to properly upkeep the gravesite of her pet. Also the pet was a monkey, who died 15 years ago. She’s only asking for $500. The judge finds this so ridiculous he’s mailing in the verdict. Be sure too look for this soon on Judge Judy, or Judge Joe Brown, or any the other million judge shows found on during the day. Dagger has a preference for the ones on the Spanish language channels.

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Cru Jones Society is heavily influenced by stand up comics. One of our all time favorites is Mitch Hedberg. Hedberg’s comic style is similar to another comedian’s, Steven Wright. So similar at times that it can be hard to decipher whose joke is whose when they are written down. Other’s have noticed this and created a quiz out of it.

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One warm summer afternoon a few summers back, the two of us, along with another friend, hit a local bar for some big screen Cubs baseball action and dollar Old Style beers. It was a pleasant day until the token fat, alcoholic; Chicago expert started talking to us, mainly Dagger as he made the mistake of letting this sloppy excuse for a human being know he had ties to Chicago. This rotund bastard told us if we ever make it out to Chicago to visit a bar called the Piano Man. So when we say this article about how to properly visit Wrigley Field and they mentioned the Piano Man we realized Chubby McSloppyton’s drunken diatribe wasn’t complete shit. But if you can deal with Cub fans, then this sounds like a pretty good trip.

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Because you don’t know us at all, we laugh when old people fall. 

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Have you seen the new Wolverine movie yet? How about Star Trek? You had better be ready to take in as many of the summer movies as you can. If not, Hollywood will be forced to retaliate in the only many they know how, that’s right, sequels to shitty movies. They are already preparing one just in case you don’t start going. We personally would chew our own arms off to get out of seeing this one.

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Wayne Campbell once declared, “Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.” Seems like an unusual law, but it is not the only bizarre law applying to marriage. Here are a few more from the good old U.S.A.

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What? You want more humorous photos? O.K.

Do you remember the family portraits your parents made you take? You had to dress nice, your hair would be combed in some fashion you would never ever wear again, head on down to the local Sears and stand in front of a phony back drop while some just out of college photo journalist major wastes his degree taking your picture. It was a whole ordeal you hated but your mother absolutely had to have it done. But no matter how bad you thought yours was, you can rest assured it has nothing on these folk.

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With the Nuggets defeating the Mavericks and heading into the Western Conference finals for the first time in 15 years, our last story this week is this incredibly captivating piece about the key to the Nuggets success. A home town kid returning home to be the new sports hero of the city. We’re talking about the new John Elway of Denver, Chauncey Billups. To quote Dagger, “This is an absolutely fucking fantastic read.” It made us both a bigger fan of the guy. Still we can’t help to say “Chauncey” like the fat kid in Old School imitating his mother say “Weensie,” and threatening to kill him up if he screws up college.

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Between these guys, House, and Dr. Lightman your world will be protected. Enjoy the weekend.

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com