A row of pink ladies for all the pink ladies of the CJS 

If you’re Catholic, in any way devoted, you likely spent part of your weekend in the Confessional. Well, the Cru Jones Society likes to take weekends off and aren’t in the mood to hear any of your shit. That’s what Mondays are for. And this week we have a fine collection of confessions from CJS readers and staff answering the question: What is your guilty pleasure drink? Stay tuned until the end as we reveal our final guilty pleasure question, which is likely the guiltiest pleasure there is. For now, have a drink on CJS.

E Dagger: Before we get to my favorite guilty pleasure drink, a story about a drink I fixed for someone I still feel a tad guilty about…

Hart and I used to be roommates and one of our favorite pastimes was drinking. Hell, it still is. We got together last Sunday and put away a few Gin Rickeys (the official drink of summer, you know) and several Heinekens before trudging off to another week at the quarry (work) the next day. Nice way to spend a Sunday. When we lived together, with our fairly broad network of friends, we could always find a party on the weekends and most weekdays too. One time we drove home from a concert in Estes Park and hit up some lame underage party our neighbors were throwing. Not content to hang out there all night and listen to all their drama queen bullshit, and seeing as it was after midnight, we ended up stealing a bunch of their booze, calling some friends, and throwing an impromptu party at our house. I have no guilt about this.

No, one time we were at some chick’s going away party that had an outstanding bar, which was surprising considering I was the oldest one there at the ripe old age of 24. Several belts in, I fashioned myself a cocktail when from the kitchen table and an intense game of King’s Cup, Hart asked me to fix him a vodka tonic. I said sure, but in my drunken state, got distracted and bored halfway through looking for the tonic and began pouring whatever was within arm’s reach of me into this “vodka tonic.” Jagermeister, Rose’s Lime Juice, scotch, Angostura bitters, crème de menthe and god knows what else (I think some vodka and tonic did make it in there) – all in the glass. I garnished it with a lime and gave it to my good buddy. He says, “I don’t remember any vodka tonic I’ve ever had being brown.” So I said, “That’s because I put a special kick in it. Just try it.” He did and remarked that it tasted like shit. I needed verification and under the guise of having tried it myself and assuring them that I thought it was good, I made everyone at the party take a swig. They all agreed – yes, this in fact tastes like shit. But I didn’t care. I just made everyone take an adult version of the suicide. E Dagger = Win at Partying.

Orangy, creamy, fruity, girly, Daggerrific!

I suppose my guilty pleasure drink is the Orange Dreamsicle Martini. I have bitter hatred for olives and vermouth tastes like some hellish combination of gasoline and what I imagine Martha Stewart’s vagina tastes like, so traditional martinis are out for me. And I normally abhor sweet drinks, but the creamy, orangey delight of the dreamsicle is like a unicorn circus in your mouth. With fireworks. And booze! I could drink these all day if the sugar mixed with alcohol didn’t give me what feels like migraine diabetes, the cream didn’t make the calorie content of this roughly the same as a McDonald’s value meal, and the dreadful emasculation of ordering what is essentially a popsicle in drink form didn’t send me crying to the corner of my closet in shame. 

But every once in a while you’ll find yourself out at some tragically hip martini bar you don’t even want to be at that’s blasting shitty techno music, and the timing’s just perfect to indulge yourself a dreamsicle. Even if the place you’re at sucks, your drink doesn’t have to and it’s time for that special treat…

Lee S. Hart: While enjoying a delicious hangover breakfast this weekend I was able to partake in my guilty pleasure drink. Everyone else ordered a Bloody Mary, but I don’t care for those. I got a Vodka Greyhound, vodka and grapefruit juice. When made with pink grapefruit juice, this drink is about as masculine as Adam Lambert.

Hart’s favorite color

This was the first time I ordered one in public. I was a bit nervous and I felt a little like Dennis Finch ordering a Sea Breeze. Luckily this one came with white grapefruit juice, and didn’t have an umbrella nor was it garnished with a fruit wedge. My manhood was held in check a little bit longer.

What it ultimately comes down to is this: I like vodka, and I like grapefruit juice so combining them only seems natural. It tastes good and will get you drunk. Those are really my only two criteria for drinks. This is also a good change from the usual breakfast drinks.

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And now we turn it over to our readers. The bar at CJS is always open fully stocked with all your favorite embarrassing concoctions. Liqueurs, alco-sodas, fru-fru beach cocktails, you name it, CJS has it. And based on the responses of our readers, it’s a good thing.

Is that smell almonds or gangrene? Ask Deuce, we don’t know.

Deuce: I feel embarrassed typing this but I guess that is the point. My guilty pleasure drink is Amaretto neat. I was first turned on to this by my mom and aunt who love amaretto. I realize this is girly liqueur (most commercials have women ordering it at the bar) but I really enjoy the almond aroma and flavor. If it is on the rocks, it’s okay, but I think when it’s room temperature it is really soothing and calming and a nice drink to sip and enjoy on a relaxing evening.

I don’t always drink liqueurs; but when I do, I prefer amaretto.

Augie also likes getting caught in the rain. Ba-dum-ching!

Augie.Maestas: As a male, it is hard to like a drink that is meant for the female counterpart because you can never order it in front of your friends. If you want this drink, you will have to make it at home by yourself or on vacation. These are the only two places where ordering a tasty drink is acceptable. My favorite drink is a Pina Colada, made by my mom. included in it is ice cream, Cream de Coco(nut), rum, pineapple, topped with two maraschino cherries. Delicious.

At the bar, I have beer, rum and coke, or Vodka tonic. Then you can always order me a shot of tequila!

Instructions: 1) Don’t shave. 2) Buy neon t-shirts and white jackets. 3) Wear wicker shoes. 4) Drink cocktail.

Keithage: I know Deuce said it was his favorite summer time drink, but Miami Vice might just be my indulgence.  The next weakest thing might be Captain’s and Diet Dr. Pepper.  I use diet because unless you are drinking just one, the sugar from drinking this all night will edge you ever so much closer to the curse of diabeetus.

Lady E: I am always conflicted over my guilty pleasure drink. It shouldn’t be a guilty pleasure because I am a girl, and this beverage was designed with a female demographic in mind. But I am also a girl who has a lot of guy friends, who love to make fun of me and any other person who likes this delicious, slightly sweet, slightly bitter, bottled concoction. 

This is the drink that high school girls drink because they don’t yet like beer. Or this is also the drink that the annoying bitches at the bar drink because they are too good for beer. Well, I like beer, damnit! This is why I hate that I LOVE Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Lady E makes it Mike’s.

It makes me feel like that annoying girl at the bar ordering a white wine spritzer, but when it is 80+ degrees out and you are laying out in the sun, basking in the warmth, a Mike’s is refreshing in a way that sometimes beer isn’t. It gets you girly drunk, and you don’t feel bad drinking at 9am, because frankly, all it is, is lemonade.

So next time I whip one out while you all are at my pool at a party I am hosting, laugh if you want, but there will be consequences for your actions…

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Whatever your guilty pleasure drink is, pour yourself a nice big vat of it before answering this week’s question. This will wrap up our Guilty Pleasure series, and with Pridefest coming up next weekend, there’s no better time to pose this question. So, in the spirit of tolerance, curiosity, and embarrassing yourself in front of an ever-growing internet audience. Here’s our Priderrific question: Who would you go gay for and why? Simple as that. Hart and Dagger may or may not have had this conversation in college with both guys choosing a celebrity named Jason. Weird times. With that hold up again? We’ll see next week.

We want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile, or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Don’t be shy and send us your response, along with your posting name to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll put them up next week. Thanks.

Hart & Dagger

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