Cru Jones Society

 

Tomorrow is America’s birthday, which means beers, grilled meat, and blowing shit up. For those reasons, we love the 4^th of July and cannot wait! But we do have to wait, fortunately we have a slew of links to helps us pass the time. Before you lose your finger to Black Cats and sparklers, use it to click away and check out all the fun we have delivered to your desktop.

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By now I am sure you’re aware of Michael Jackson’s passing. He had a heart attack last Thursday, and when he went, he managed to take the whole internet with him. As knowledge of his demise spread, internet site after internet site crashed as people flooded each one looking for information. We can’t think of any other person who has had this effect on the internet. This is just another testament to what MJ meant to the world.

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We here at CJS like list, movies, and sports, so when this came across our desks we’re intrigued. But as we read it, we only found ourselves getting angry. If you are a dude and you cried at any of these movies, save Brian’s Song, please hand over your man card to the nearest guy wearing girl’s pants, for he is now manlier than you. And if you cried at Rudy or Any Given Sunday, do not expect to get back said man card for anything short of carrying your wounded buddy out of the Viet Cong jungle.

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Last weekend CJS partook in the 2oth annual Colorado’s Brewers Festival in Fort Collins. Hart has attended this event every year since he’s been of legal drinking age. And every year he has managed to stay a part of the group who is able to control themselves and handle their shit. What this means is he, Dagger and the friends of CJS who attended were able to drink in public without acting like a buffoon. No tickets, trips to the hospital, or pissing in the beer line. We raise our glasses to those who were able to avoid these things. To the rest you, get a hold of your life.

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July is a big month for the UFC. A new season of the Ultimate Fighter is set to begin. Here’s a sweet trailer for that. Then there’s UFC 100, an event that sold out its 12,000 seats in a single day. Other sports could use lessons from the man in charge, Dana White. He has become the exact opposite of what we have come to expect from sports commissioners, and we have no choice but to agree with him when he replies to ESPN with a “fuck you!” when they question if he is the right man to help the sport continue to grow.

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Remember not too long ago when Dagger ventured off and did a podcast about the movie Just One Of The Guys for Natsukashi? Well they were so thrilled with him that he was asked back to do another podcast. This time it’s for the awesome Michael Keaton vehicle Gung Ho. Those who have seen this movie know of its awesomeness. Those who haven’t seen it, well you’re missing out. Either way you should check out what Dagger, Rob and Rodney Kageyama have to say about it.

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We love seeing people get hit in the face with pies. Hart wrote a whole article about it. Apparently some people aren’t a fan, and are calling for its end after baseball games. To theses people we say fuck you and let the players do it if they want. Maybe you should go back to your failed dreams, and not piss on the fun of people who were able to make the majors. Take your jealousy else where and let the players decided whether how to celebrate their win.

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From the world of technology we bring you this advancement. Toyota is developing a wheelchair that is able to move based solely on brain waves. No more using your hands or sucking through a straw like a sucker to move your ass. They are still working on a brain wave activated cattle prod to poke those insensitive jerks who still make fun of people in a wheelchair.

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Here’s some hometown sports news. Brandon Marshall says he hates Denver. Guess what, we hate you, so get the fuck out of our town. You want so desperately to be T.O. or even Ocho Cinco, but so far you’re only getting the diva part down, and that is not something we tolerate at altitude. So pack your bags and go be some other city’s problem.

One of our favorite baseball quotes comes from Jeff Francis, when asked how he feels about being a “strike out pitcher,” he replied as humbly Canadian as he could by saying, “it’s not up to me if they strike out.” So when he talks about his rehab, as well as his love of physics we were all ears, or whatever the reading equivalent of that is, all eyes? It is always a pleasure to read something about a pro athlete who doesn’t sound like a giant tool, and Jeff Francis will never let us down on that front.

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Do you ever think about how filthy your keyboard is? How about your mouse? How about the pen you borrowed from a co-worker? You probably don’t, because thinking about how gross and germ filled everything is would be enough to drive you absolutely batty. But here our good friends at Cracked.com give us 6 items you touch everyday that are filthier than a toilet seat. Just remember these next time you worry about wrapping your hand in toilet paper to put the seat up.

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It’s no secret this country is filled with fatty-fat-fat-fats. Don’t take our word on it, the annual obesity report has come out and the nation is still fat. Mississippi ranked as the most overweight and home sweet home Colorado ranked as the slimmest. I’m sure we have the thin air to partially thank. Maybe what the country needs is another fitness program set forth by Schwarzenegger.

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Earlier this season Jacoby Ellsbury stole home. Then this past Sunday two different players accomplished the feat. This is really an incredible and ballsy play. Sports Illustrated’s Ted Keith takes a look at it in more depth in what is an interesting read. We especially enjoy the story of Rod Carew stealing home while trying to avoid getting hit by Harmon Killebrew’s (sweet name) swing.

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Now that you have thoroughly wasted your time, as well as company time, might as well waste the rest of the day. But use this list to make the time wasting some what productive. Although since you’re being productive it’s not technically time wasting, but whatever. Just be sure to never show us that you know how to count binary on your hand.

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One last important piece: The Confessional is coming up on Monday and we want to hear from you. This week we want you to tell us a reason you’re happy to live in America. We want you to go beyond the standard Lee Greenwood response of “because at least I know I’m free” or some such shit, give us something a little deeper and more specific. To celebrate our country’s independence, we hope to have a good collection of reasons for next week, so send ‘em in to staff@crujonessociety.com.

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Have a nice weekend everyone, but remember, the Bear Cavalry will not always be there to bail you out.

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com