Cru Jones Society

 

It’s another Friday and we have an Irish weekend ahead of us. By that we don’t mean we’ll be attending the Irish Festival, but that our weekend will be filled with drinkin’, fightin’, and potatoes! Potatoes not guaranteed, but very likely, after all they are potatoes. But before all that we have a glut of links and they’re not going to look at themselves. So get to clickin’ and enjoy another Happy Friday!

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First off we would like to pay tribute to one of our favorite athletes who retired this week. After 20 seasons in the National Hockey League, two Stanley Cups, Olympic Gold, and more individual awards than we can shake a stick at, Joe Sakic is hanging up his skates. The sport is losing one of its best and most humble players. He epitomized what a pro athlete should be; a great player and a great person. We have never heard anyone speak ill of Super Joe. The sport will never be the same. He will be missed, but we wish him all the best in his future endeavors. Thanks for the memories, Joe.

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The A.V. Club takes a stroll down memory lane and gives us a list of 19 (why not reach for one more and make it an even 20 we’ll never know, but since it is a prime number, we’ll let it slide) food and drink items they wish were still around. While Hart didn’t remember anything on the list except for Surge, Coca Cola’s version of Mtn. Dew, which sucked because Mtn. Dew sucks; Dagger got really excited as a flood of memories came back with PB Max Bars and Magic Middles. In his own words, “PB Max bar and Magic Middles! I don’t forget much, but somehow these two logic-defyingly delicious concoctions fell out along the road somewhere. Son of a fucking bastard those two things were good! Fuck!” Does the list hold any profanity inducing junk food for you?

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Recently Rise Against rocked Red Rocks. While this video is no Sunday Bloody Sunday, it is pretty sweet, at least in concept. Several radio contest winners won tickets, backstage passes, and flip cameras. They were then asked to shoot the concert. Rise Against then took their footage and edited it to make a music video for their song Savior. We give kudos to Rise Against for being huge rock stars but still sticking to the D.I.Y. punk rock mentality.

While we are on punk rock, someone compiled a list of what they believe to be the best punk rock band logos. The list is decent but we have some issues. First of all, the Germs logo sucks! It’s a fucking circle for Christ Sake. How is that a clever or interesting logo? We can’t help but be reminded of Mike Birbiglia’s bit about Lincoln being credited for everyday quotes. We didn’t even know it was the Germs logo, and you know why? Because it’s a fucking circle! Our other big problem is the glaring omission of Operation Ivy’s logo. The Op Ivy logo is one we have seen more times than Nirvana has songs about heroin. Excluding it from this list is just ridiculous. It too is better than a fucking circle!

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Do you often find yourself wanting more from your religion? Are you tired of waiting your whole life for eternal life? Do you wish there was some way you could achieve that sooner, and at a more convenient time for you? Do you wish to achieve it with a group of people all at once, maybe while you’re all dressed alike? Well if the reports and past trends are any indication at all, that could be a reality by the holiday season, as we are about due for a massive cult suicide.

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We received a couple of links from some of our readers. We fully encourage this. If you come across a funny or interesting website and would like to share it with numerous people, but want to only type one email address, then by all means send it our way. If we like it, we’ll put it up and only take some of the credit. If we don’t like it, you’ll receive a strongly worded email telling you exactly how we feel. So if you have any you want to share send them to staff@crujonessociety.com.

Our first reader submission comes from Jitterrawks. It shows us all just how accurate the idea posed at the beginning of Idiocracy really is, the idea that only stupid people are breeding. Just remember that no matter how bad your childhood may have been, you were still probably better off than these unlucky bastards.

This next link comes from Flickerbock. Just remember, kiddos, even though you may be miles apart from whoever you communicate with via the internet, they will still fuck with you. Also remember to calm down, relax, and have a sense of humor. In the words of that dude Van Wilder quotes, “Don’t take life so seriously. No one gets out alive.”

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UFC 100 is tomorrow night. You know damn sure we will be watching it intently like Milton watched the cake being cut hoping for his piece. But to get the rest of you as psyched as we are, we offer you Dagger’s piece from yesterday, and this article about the Lesnar/Mir match up.

Hopefully those articles, and the big Pay-Per-View, get your creative juices going and you can answer our Monday Confessional question. It’s a fun one! If you were a fighter, what music would play as you entered the arena? Feel free to apply this to boxing, professional wrestling, a baseball at-bat, or the Monday afternoon staff meeting. We just want to know what your theme music would be. And if you feel like it, tell us what your fight nickname would be too. Don’t tell us you haven’t thought about this before, because you know you have. And we want to hear about it!

We want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Don’t be shy and send us your response, along with your posting name to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll put them up next week.

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Chris Evert, apparently she is some kind of tennis great, thinks the grunting in women’s tennis is getting out of hand. Perhaps it reminds her a little too much of what goes on in her bedroom, we don’t know, we’re only speculating. We think there should be more grunting in other sports. Just imagine Tiger about to tee off, and as his back stroke comes down he lets out a grunt. The ball would probably fly further than it has before, that’s just physics. But why stop there? Let’s hear grunts in volleyball, billiards, and chess even! Let’s Tim Taylor up the whole sports world!

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Very few people know the name of the song used in all those fun scenes from Benny Hill. The song is called Yakety Sax. What most people do know is how Yakety Sax can make any video awesome! Exhibit A: The WoW Freakout Kid. That’s really our only exhibit, but it’s a pretty fucking good one.

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Ah Grand Junction, Colorado; the ex-fiancée pimping capital of Colorado mountain communities (citation needed). This article is ridiculous from the get-go with the headline: Man Guilty as Pimp for Ex-Fiancée’s Prostitution. On the bright side, we got us a cool new phase: Man, you guilty as pimp!

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The economy sucks, that’s old news. But when it gets like this many industries try new things in order to entice people to spend their dough with them. Major League Baseball is no exception. Trying to capture on the popularity of the Kiss-Cam, they have gone to the next step and offer the fans the Fuck-Cam. Look for the NHL and NBA to follow suit. But first be sure to look to the Fuck-Cam for us and your mom! Bazinga!

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“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.” It’s hard to find fault with Henry Hill’s statement when you look at a list like this one. It must really feel good to be a gangster.

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One way to ensure a Friday is indeed happy is to end with Hooters. We fully encourage our female readers and reader’s wives, fiancées, or girlfriends to learn this awesome trick and perform it at the next social function, or Tuesday afternoon. We’ll even supply the beer.

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Stay in school kids.

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com