Cru Jones Society

 

Good morning true believers! Welcome to another wonderful week at Cru Jones Society. As we have been doing for the past several months, we start the week with Monday Confessional. This week we had a super and powerful question for you. In fact it was a question about super powers. With so many options, and because we are comic book nerds and have considered this question since we first saw Superman leap a tall building in a single bound, we wanted to know what super power you would have? We got so many responses and if we all some how get these powers, we will be ready to start our own Avengers (or Super Friends if DC is more your speed. Or X-Men, since we nerded it up and don’t want to exclude our casual fans). Now read on and let us stop monologuing.

Lee S. Hart: With more comic related stuff in my life than I’d like to admit (apparently chicks aren’t into that kind of stuff, except the weirdos) I have a monthly thought about what super power I would like to have. When I was younger I wanted to be Spider Man in every conceivable way. Then I learned about other awesome powers and so it was constantly changing.

Then I made the mistake of reading a Cracked.com article about why having certain powers would suck. Once again science and reading ruined my life. Things like flying wouldn’t be that great as you would run into birds and shit, or get lost due to the inability of being able to tell what the hell stuff is from a bird’s eye point of view.

Then I thought ok well there’s still laser eyes, or super strength that I could use to thwart my enemies. But I found out I don’t have any enemies. So I looked toward a power that would allow me easily travel or come in handy more often than not. That’s when I came up with having the powers of Iceman.

I could make that ice path to slide around on to get from place to place, no more staying to conventional pathways for me. Temperature is apparently no concern. I can keep myself cool in the summer, and I’d be in my natural element in the winter. Then there’s the awesomeness of always having ice, literally on hand. No more worrying about having a beer cozy; forgot ice for you’re summer bar-b-que? Not a problem. Never having to drink warm Jager, ever!

If I ever do develop an enemy, I can just put them freeze them like Disney’s head. I would, however, have to fight the urge to make awful puns least I come across like Arnold in the worst Batman movie.

E Dagger:  This has been a tougher question than I anticipated. How does one weigh the various attributes of superpowers against each other? Do you choose a quality based solely on its utility and ability to accomplish tasks both good and evil? Do you seek financial gain? Or do you seek ultimate universal power?

Having been inundated with responsibility lately, I decided I didn’t need more dilemmas to tackle and instead sought something I could have just for the fun of it. Therefore, my chosen superpower is flight.

The ability to fly is my ideal power because I ultimately have no ability to affect anyone but myself. I’d love to have the ability to just up and take off whenever the mood struck me right. Flying free through the sky sounds like the ultimate way to clear your mind, and depending on how you move, better than any thrill ride you could ever dream up. I have no desire to dick with people’s minds, change the outcome of the world, or manipulate my surroundings in any way. I just want to launch into the sky and cruise. Besides, that’d be the ultimate way to make an entrance, wouldn’t it?

Everyone’d be like, “Hey, where’s Dagger?” And then I just float down in front of everyone and land gracefully at their feet. How freaking awesome would that be?

And just to clarify, I’d be able to fly like Superman or Neo. No wings, no capes, no stupid Rocketeer-style jetpack. I’d just… fly. In fact, I’d love to go for a fly right now. Considering that’s as impossible today as it has been every other day of my life, I’ll probably just go have some lemonade instead.

Hart and Dagger (that sounds like a super hero duo or an 80’s new wave duo) are ready to use their super powers to fight evil doers, though most likely they’ll use them to make parties better. Let’s see what some of our reader’s have in store to probably use for ill gains.

Many of our readers chose similar powers to those of the X-Men.

Gutter: If you would have asked me this question in the 7th grade I probably would have answered with X-Ray vision to see through people’s clothes. And although my maturity level my not have changed since the 7th grade my marital status has and therefore so has my wish for a superpower. Now I would wish to have the power of telepathy, much like Professor X in X-Men, unless that means that I am paralyzed and must spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair, then I will take the power of walking over telepathy. Anyway, being able to read and control people’s minds would be great, I could see what Alex Trebek is thinking when talking to the contestants on Jeopardy, although even without telepathy I am pretty sure I know by his mocking comments and his overall smugness towards them. It would also be great to know what baseball players and other athletes were really thinking while on the field. I can just picture Ian Stewart looking into the stands from 3rd base and seeing a hot chick right above the dugout and thinking, “Hot damn when this game is over I am calling her onto the field and taking her home tonight” all right before Albert Pujols hits a line drive right at him at 120MPH. I am sure I could use my power for good reasons, but in reality that is probably the two major things I would use it for.

Deuce: My super power would be like Magneto on X-Men. Controlling metal seems like it would be the most useful in everyday life. If I sit down for dinner and forget my fork, no problem, I’ll just fly one over. Some jerk parked his tiny car poorly and is on the line so I can’t park my truck? I’ll just throw that Kia into some ditch and park without issue. The possibilities are endless.

Lady E: This is such a hard decision! I used to think I wanted to read minds, but watching True Blood has changed my mind. Then I thought about flying like Superman or leaping from building to building per Spiderman, but I am afraid of heights…
So, I am choosing the power of Wolverine and Hayden Panetierre on Heroes. I would have the power to heal myself. How cool would that be? Never have to worry about getting hurt! I would love that power.

Corriander: After 2 days of driving 12 hours in the car in the past 10 days, I’m going to choose to have the superpower of teleportation.  It’s not that I didn’t enjoy the company I had along the drive or the fact that he did most of the driving (which was much safer), but when going on vacation I just want to get there and when it’s time to come home, I’m just ready to be there also.  I know, I know…it’s the journey, not the destination right?  F that, you spend 8-10 hours driving through Wyoming and tell me if you really want to do that again.  I just want to tap my ruby red slippers and get where I want to go.   Plus, think about all the places you could visit if you didn’t have to worry about the expense of a stupid plane ticket and the time it takes to get there.

It became clear that Twodogszk already has the power to ask questions like a kid grilling his uncle about his life. Guess with great powers, comes a line of mediocre questions.

Twodogszk: I have always wanted to have Super Speed like the Flash. I always liked the Flash and wondered what it would be like to move super fast. If I moved super fast, then would it be difficult to move slowly? If I moved super fast, then would I move so fast I could achieve invisibility? Could I go so fast I would go back in time? Could I move so fast I could fly or steal money without anyone knowing. Could I fart and move so fast that no one would know it was me? Obviously, I would struggle with the good vs. evil problem. The other dilemma is what happened in the Flash the TV series from the early 90s. If anyone remembers that show the main character, can’t remember his actual name, would have to eat the amount of calories he burned. So he would pass out after gorging on tons of calories, like 20 pizzas after he ran like 20 miles in 20 seconds. While it would be cool to be able to burn off a pizza in seconds, I wouldn’t want to have to deal with that.

Some people just want to keep rude people in check.

CassieB: I would be able to shoot spaghetti out of my fingertips. Idea courtesy of Dane Cook

Surprisingly there was only one power that came up more tahan once.

Flickerbock: After some pondering and a short discussion with the wife, I have decided that the best superpower for me would be the ability to stop time. It would be tough for my nemesis to beat me when I can just stop time, kill him, and start it up again. Pretty much the most dominant superpower you can have.

R: Since I grew up kind of a comic book nerd, and cannot help but be one of the 1st in line at most (not every…Daredevil…f u Ben Affleck) comic book movie that comes out, it should not be surprising that I’ve spent most of my life pondering this question. There are so many good options out there, but after years of analysis, I cannot think of anything more powerful than the ability to manipulate time. Sure, invisibility, lighting speed, incredible strength, or the power of flight are nice attributes, but nothing compares to being able to stop, reverse, or jump ahead in time. End of the world imminent? I don’t think so. A quick snap of the fingers and I have all the time in the world to solve the problem. That fireball you just conjured and shot at me? How bout I just take a quick break, step out the way and replace you where I was standing, Roadrunner/Coyote style? And imagine all of the gambling bets I could win! The possibilities are glorious and endless when you are able to twist and bend time in your own favor.

With all our powers combined we should be able to summon Captain Planet in no time. Wait, that’s not what we meant. With these powers combined we can stop any evil that comes across our path. Or take over the world by next weekend.

Taking over the world is something many people have tried throughout history. With that in mind, we want you tell us: If you could be any historical tyrant, who would it be? Would you like to be Mussolini, and be second fiddle to Hitler? Maybe you worked retail and Stalin’s ideas don’t seem so crazy. No need to write your response with the blood of the innocent, just type it up and pending government approval, we’ll get those answers up next week.

We want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile, or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Don’t be shy and send us your response, along with your posting name to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll put them up next week.

Hart & Dagger