Cru Jones Society

One of the worst things about television are those pesky 3 minute breaks during shows. In these 3 minute breaks, we are bombarded with advertisements for all sorts of products, many of which we do not need. For the most part these advertisements are forgettable or obnoxiously unforgettable. There are however a few that are awesome, like this one. But since everyone’s taste is different, we wanted to know what your favorite commercial is. So here are a few words from our sponsors before we return you to your regularly scheduled CJS programming. Continue Reading »

Today is an especially Happy Friday for me. It’s my 28^th birthday, and what better way to celebrate than by blowing off whatever the hell else you had to do today and wasting your company’s time and money by clicking on the assortment of time wasting tomfoolery I’ve prepared for you. Millionaires, marijuana, mac ‘n cheese, and more are just a click away. Continue Reading »

It has been said that good fences make good neighbors. I say good actors and good writers can make good neighbors. Many television shows have a neighbor character who never makes a lasting impression. While other shows include neighbors who add a lot to the story and the show. This article is about those neighbors. So get ready to borrow a cup of sugar and a cup of advice. Continue Reading »

Every Wednesday between now and the end of baseball season the Cru Jones Society brings you a new baseball movie examined for both overall entertainment value and treatment of our favorite game. To suggest a film, email us at staff [at] crujonessociety.com. Otherwise, pour yourself an $8 beer, crack some shells, and let’s play ball.

Date Released: April 28, 2001
Box Office Total: N/A
Team Featured: New York Yankees

“I just can’t figure it out. Why do they only have room in their hearts for one guy?” -Roger Maris

In 1961 Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris were poised to break Babe Ruth’s single season homerun record. This was 37 years before McGwire and Sosa were duking it out for that record. And it was 34 years after Babe Ruth set the record. 61* is the story of Mantle, Maris and the record breaking season many people didn’t want. Continue Reading »

As promised last week, here is the eagerly awaited response from Jennifer Ginsberg’s husband about her oh-so-fun and insightful column “5 Things I Hate About Marriage.” Will Jennifer’s husband set the record straight? Does he get to give up the ghost on Jennifer’s annoying habits? Is he anything more than a mealy-mouthed little manservant to her? All those answers and more are but a click away. Continue Reading »

 It’s almost the end of the summer blockbusters at your local movie theater. But never fear Hollywood is already working on the next batch to fill your summer nights next year. There are talks about making one based on your life. Before these talks can go any further, we have to cast the lead role, and we have left that up to you. So this week we want to know: who would play you in the movie of your life? As always our answers our first, then yours, then next week’s question. Now grab the director and let’s hit the casting couch. Continue Reading »

These adorable yet deadly little guys are only the tip of the ice berg this week. Along with their awesomeness we have a golfer with no arms, Ryan the temp, and politicians doing awesome things. Now before these cats have a chance to attack your socks, check out the links we have for you. Continue Reading »

Time for another installment of the Love Lounge. We’ve got more crap from Your Tango.com inside and this article is truly awful. Your Tango’s tagline is “Smart Talk About Love” which would be the most unintentionally hilarious thing ever written if it didn’t make me boil with anger. They should change their tag line to “bitter hedgehogs write ugly tripe about relationships.” What am I talking about? Come on in! Continue Reading »

Every Wednesday between now and the end of baseball season the Cru Jones Society brings you a new baseball movie examined for both overall entertainment value and treatment of our favorite game. To suggest a film, email us at staff [at] crujonessociety.com. Otherwise, pour yourself an $8 beer, crack some shells, and let’s play ball.

Date Released: July 1, 1994
Box Office Total: $12,267,790
Team Featured: Minnesota Twins

“We’re never gonna win anything with a kid for a manager.” – Spencer Hamilton

“You know it seems to me you didn’t win last year with Jackson. Certainly weren’t winning with O’Farrell. Maybe I’m not the problem. Maybe the problem is you guys forgot how much fun this is. You’re Major Leaguers. I mean, you’re on baseball cards. What could be better?” – Billy Heywood.

In the eyes of CJS, nothing could be better than being a Major Leaguer. Little Big League takes a look at baseball played at the highest level through the eyes of a kid. And what we get is a startingly earnest film filled with outstanding baseball that is also, oh yes, extremely fun. Continue Reading »

I have just started an algebra class. I haven’t taken any kind of math class in 7 years or so. Also numbers and my brain don’t really get along, so I have been working hard at it and have fried a lot of the real information I try to keep up there. I have somehow managed to maintain these random thoughts and have juggled them around all weekend long. Now I will share them you, or annoy you with them. Either way, someone will have fun. Continue Reading »

The CJS Monday Confessional ends its stay on the desert island this week, and now that you’ve decided what you’ve got your tunes and you’ve got your brews, what’s left? Well, both music and beer are best enjoyed in the company of some friends. So we’ve signed a pact with the devil and promised to kidnap celebrities, yank them out of their homes and jobs and deliver them straight to your island. We asked you to tell us: What 3 famous people would you like to hang out with on your desert island? And you responded below. Staff answers first and regulars follow. You’ll find a brand new question at the bottom. Let’s see who the unlucky stars are who have to leave whatever happiness they have to spend their days on an island with your boring asses. Continue Reading »

If we had to break this week down we would say that Monday felt like we were hurling through the air in a house. Tuesday we dealt with mindless, heartless and courage-less people. Wednesday we had to get a monkey off our backs which only lead to a confrontation with a real witch of a woman. Yesterday we met a weirdo who told us all we had to do was believe in our selves. But now it’s Friday and we’re on our way home. It’s not a short trip, but we have plenty of reading material. And like a good traveling companion we want to share it all with you. All you have to do is click your heels together three times and say, “There’s no place like Cru Jones Society. There’s no place like Cru Jones Society. There’s no place like Cru Jones Society.” Continue Reading »

Welcome back to the Cru Jones Love Lounge. It’s been a long, long time since we’ve gotten together, and I must say I’ve missed you all. For those of you new to the party, here’s how the Love Lounge works:

Dating/relationship/love advice is shit. All of it. The only piece of advice you ever need to listen to is “Pay attention.” In the 2^nd edition of the Love Lounge I wrote this:

“The only advice I’ve found works in every situation is to pay attention. If everyone paid closer attention to the needs, likes, dislikes, and favorite sexual positions of their partners, relationships would either be happier and more fulfilling; or would end much more quickly and with less agony – a more fulfilling ending either way.”

This advice still works and will always work because just like fucking snowflakes, we’re all different. And only by paying attention do we even make a good faith to connect with another person. Yet dating advice continues to spring up all over the web. And that’s why I’m here to help you navigate the sea of idiotic tripe designed to “help” your relationship. Continue Reading »

Every Wednesday between now and the end of baseball season the Cru Jones Society brings you a new baseball movie examined for both overall entertainment value and treatment of our favorite game. To suggest a film, email us at staff [at] crujonessociety.com. Otherwise, pour yourself an $8 beer, crack some shells, and let’s play ball.

Date Released: October 2, 1992
Box Office Total: $20,883,046
Team Featured: Chunichi Dragons

“Baseball…baseball is grown men getting’ paid to play a game. I bet when you were a kid you didn’t pick up a bat and ball because you were dying to work. A player’s career is short enough. Let ‘em enjoy it.” – Jack Elliot

The Transplants once asked, “Where do you go when your money’s all gone? When your friends all gone? When your love is all gone? No right turns all seem to be wrong.” Jack Elliot’s manager decided Japan is where you go. And for Jack, that has made all the difference. Continue Reading »

Now I am not sure if I am maturing or the cartoons these days just flat out suck. But I find that I hate them all. Between that, the Scooby Doo marathon last weekend and the drunken night I passed out at a friend’s with the TV on Boomerang I have felt nostalgic for some of the cartoons I used to love so much. Luckily for me there is Youtube.

There are two possibilities of what will happen if I re-watch some of these cartoons. I will either feel giddy with joy as I remember a life less frightening, or I my memories will be better than the cartoon actually is. In which case I will blame the sugary haze I spent my youth in. Continue Reading »

Welcome back to the CJS Monday Confessional Desert Island. Our regulars and staff have all become stranded on a desert island for some reason, and we’re finding out how everyone’s handling it. Last week we found out which 5 albums everyone would have for their listening pleasure. And really, what are some good tunes without a good brew? So with that in mind, we asked the following question: What one beer are you drinking for the rest of your days on this island?

We received many excellent confessions this week, and we’re excited to share them with you below. As always, CJS Staff answers first, and our Regulars follow. Our final Desert Island question will come at the end. If you’re in position to do so, feel free to crack a beer as you read the responses. Although, our website analytics tell us our readership peaks at about 8 a.m., so maybe the beer should wait. Unless you work graveyard shift or have raging alcoholism to feed, of course. Regardless, let’s dig in. Continue Reading »

Science has yet to design a computer that can bring a super hot girl to life which then leads to a series of wacky adventures. But we have for you the thing after the next best thing, Happy Friday. We have for you this week Ricky Henderson, cocktails, cloned animals, and Japanese ska. It’s like our own little version of Weird Science wackiness, sans the asshole older brother. So before you spend the evening with bras on your head, spend your day with us, wasting time on the internet. Continue Reading »

With the Dagger wedding almost fully planned and looming on the horizon, and since the wedding I’ll actually have differs drastically from the wedding I envisioned in college, I thought it appropriate to share with the CJS faithful the wedding I dreamt up there.

So, if you’re female, be prepared to be horrified and sit in wonderment at what crazy voodoo spell I put on Lady E to convince her to marry my goofy ass. And if you’re male, be prepared for a fantasy thrill ride putting every wedding you’ve ever been to to shame and sit in jealousy wondering, “Fuck, that’s great. Why didn’t I think of that?” If you’re not married, there’s still time. Feel free to poach any one of these ideas, run them by your lady, and if she says yes to any of them, propose on the spot. Trust me. If a woman agrees to any of the ridiculous bullshit I’ve concocted here, stop your search for a soul mate because you’ve found her. The odds of a woman liking anything I’ve written below hover somewhere between 1,000-1 and 8 zillion-1. In other words, Vegas no longer has these odds on the board. Continue Reading »

Every Wednesday between now and the end of baseball season the Cru Jones Society brings you a new baseball movie examined for both overall entertainment value and treatment of our favorite game. To suggest a film, email us at staff [at] crujonessociety.com. Otherwise, pour yourself an $8 beer, crack some shells, and let’s play ball.

Date Released: July 17, 1988
Box Office Total: $50,888,729
Team Featured: Durham Bulls

“I’ve tried ‘em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.” – Annie Savoy

If Field of Dreams is baseball heaven, Bull Durham is baseball earth – flawed, foul-mouthed, unfair, glorious game-a-day reality. Bull Durham tackles life as a minor league ballplayer as we peek in at two players intersecting at opposite points of their careers and the local vampy sexpot who tries to seduce them both. Continue Reading »

Do you guys know a fella by the name of Bill Brasky?

Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!

Best damn salesman in the office!

They say he’s 6 foot 9, 380 lbs! Continue Reading »