Cru Jones Society

 

Science has yet to design a computer that can bring a super hot girl to life which then leads to a series of wacky adventures. But we have for you the thing after the next best thing, Happy Friday. We have for you this week Ricky Henderson, cocktails, cloned animals, and Japanese ska. It’s like our own little version of Weird Science wackiness, sans the asshole older brother. So before you spend the evening with bras on your head, spend your day with us, wasting time on the internet.

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Let’s get this week’s sad news story out of the way. This story makes us feel not only like our families forgot our birthday, but we also have detention, on a Saturday. Writer/director/producer John Hughes passed away. Best known for the 80’s classics Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, and The Breakfast Club; Hughes is also responsible for Vacation and Home Alone. Hughes was the voice of a generation and helped make the 80’s the best decade for movies. Although he has not done anything of note since Home Alone, he will still be missed, but never forgotten, especially since at any given moment there’s bound to be a movie on that he had a hand in. We hope he’s making a giant pancake with John Candy up in heaven. Thanks for the laughs.

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Now for the good news. A little while back we mentioned how Comedy Central renewed Futurama, and the nerds rejoiced. Then two weeks ago we informed you Comedy Central was being a cheap bastard, like Uncle Lou who gave me one roll, from our dinner spread, every year as a Christmas present, and was looking to replace the voice actors we have all grown and loved, and the nerds booed. The nerds booed so loudly, via the inertnets, that Comedy Central had no choice but to renew everyone’s contract. So to recap: Comedy Central will be airing new episodes of Futurama complete with the original cast. The nerds may rejoice again.

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In a story that could be ripped from the pages of Futurama, or you know, the plot to Jurassic Park, science is being awesome again and has cloned an extinct animal. The Pyrenean ibex became extinct in 2000, but not before scientist were able to preserve skin samples. Nine years later they made a new one. We are one step closer to being able to go to a dive in and order ribs so big they tip over our cars.

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We show up here week after week talking about how much we love the UFC and how great it is. But no matter how many times we say it, or how many different ways we say it, we can never match the eloquence and passion Dan Wetzel and Dana White put into just this one article, depicting why it truly is great to be a fight fan. We were already pumped for tomorrow’s Pay-Per-View, but when the article quoted Forrest Griffin as saying, “I’ll fight whoever they put in front of me,” we were pushed over the edge and can’t wait for him to go toe to toe with Silva. This week’s required viewing: UFC 101!

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We’re sure by now you’re all well aware of Twitter. While many view it as nothing more than naval gazing, it can be used for productive reasons. Take for example that whole Iran thing. But if you’re looking for a less hot button topic example then there is this article from The Denver Post showing how the NCAA is taking advantage of Twitter.

But as we have come to learn first hand, what works in college does not necessarily work in the real world. Also the NFL is full of whiney little cry babies. Our favorite part is the new Broncos’ coach showing his age and calling the social networking sites by the wrong name. At least it appears he is focused on football, maybe the season won’t be that bad. I think I bite my tongue, it was too far in my cheek.

One last Twitter related link before we shameless promoter our own Twitter ( @CruJonesSociety). This one offers some sage-like advice from non other than the good folks at Cracked.com, 6 Places You Should Never Twitter From. Informative and entertaining, what Homer would call infotainment. And we promise you that if you’re following us on Twitter, @CruJonesSociety, we will not Tweet from these locales. Ok, well maybe Guatemala.

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One of the biggest stories this week was North Korea setting free and pardoning two American journalists. In college Dagger worked at the college radio station with a girl who went on to work at Current TV with the two journalists. It’s our six degree of separation thing. We’re happy this story has a happy ending. Also kudos to Bill Clinton for getting shit done. Let’s re-elect that man. There’s no law against a third term is there? What? There is? Since when? Really, that long, huh? Well…shit.

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Old news: Phil Spector is in jail. Older news: Charles Manson is in jail. New news: Charles Manson wants to collaborate on an album with Spector. Manson has apparently made several albums while incarcerated and regards Spector as one of the greatest producers in music history and would love to work with him. The best part is Manson told him this in a note he handed him like they’re in middle school. Manson also said he only wants to do covers of The Beatles’ song “Helter Skelter.”

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JAPANESE SKA BREAK!

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That would have been a great opportunity to go to the restroom and not miss anything. Don’t you hate that when you’re at the theater and you make the mistake of the large soda, or you got drunk in the parking lot like you’re 17 again, and you try to gauge when to get up to piss in hopes of not missing anything crucial? Well you’re not alone and you are in luck because the folks at Runpee.com have created a site that picks several spots during recent movies that would be ideal for a piss break. They’ll even tell what you’ll miss, but don’t worry that info is scrambled to avoid spoiling it. This site is a God send, especially to the side of us that still enjoys the occasional flick enhanced by booze.

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CJS regular Gutter sent us this next story. If you come across an interesting story or a fun website and want to win some Karma points (points not guaranteed) by sharing, go ahead and send the link our way to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll be more than happy to toss it up for all CJS faithful to read.

In efforts to fight H1N1 swine flu, the Russians have resorted to a medical practice CJS used throughout college: drink more whiskey! “That should cure all symptoms of the disease,” head of the VOB (which is the Russian WHO, we’re assuming) said. We’re going to do some checking around, but we are going to make damn sure these doctors are covered by the CJS health plan.

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In a world so enthralled with Jack and Cokes, vodka cranberries, and hard lemonades the classic cocktail has almost gone the way of the Dodo. But with the AmeriCAN-do attitude, some patience, and the words of Robert Messenger the cocktail can rise again like the mighty Pyrenean ibex. So let’s get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini, dammit!

Since we’ve opened the liquor cabinet and have begun our drinking, it only fitting we keep that party going. This week’s confessional revolves around beer. In the second question involving our very own Lost island that doesn’t make a lick of sense, but we’re all playing along anyway, we want to know which one brand of beer, or alcohol for those who don’t like beer, you would have on the island. This is the only beer you’ll be allowed to consume until you die or are rescued. Choose wisely and send your answers to staff@crujonessociety.com by noon on Sunday.

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Last weekend, around the MLB trade deadline, the Oakland A’s made only one move that was not completely bat-shit crazy or rip-my-own-hair-from-my-scalp frustrating. That move was to retire Rickey Henderson’s number. This followed Henderson’s induction into the Hall of Fame. Upon first announcement of Henderson’s induction we couldn’t wait to hear the over the top speech he would give. Well, here’s the full story on his induction speech.

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I recently asked Senor Limon if next year he wanted get costumes and attend Comic-Con. He quickly pointed out that that was one of the stupidest ideas since Laser Discs. He was right. Then during the daily Cracked.com read he was vindicated. I am lucky to have a friend like that to save me from my dumb ideas.

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Some people collect baseball cards, some collect comic books. Both of which can warrant a high resale value. What we never would have guessed someone would collect, let alone turn a profit is internet domain names. Apparently there is a whole culture for this. We also never would have guessed a pro basketball player would be such an active participant in this culture. In what we have decided is Happy Friday’s “WTF!?! Article of the Week,” we offer you this tasty morsel which defies word.

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Now to cleanse our minds, another 80’s great mocked for demotivational fun.

Where’s Srimer?

Enjoy the weekend everyone.

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com