Again, no Corona chosen in here, but the ads are apropos. 

Welcome back to the CJS Monday Confessional Desert Island. Our regulars and staff have all become stranded on a desert island for some reason, and we’re finding out how everyone’s handling it. Last week we found out which 5 albums everyone would have for their listening pleasure. And really, what are some good tunes without a good brew? So with that in mind, we asked the following question: What one beer are you drinking for the rest of your days on this island?

We received many excellent confessions this week, and we’re excited to share them with you below. As always, CJS Staff answers first, and our Regulars follow. Our final Desert Island question will come at the end. If you’re in position to do so, feel free to crack a beer as you read the responses. Although, our website analytics tell us our readership peaks at about 8 a.m., so maybe the beer should wait. Unless you work graveyard shift or have raging alcoholism to feed, of course. Regardless, let’s dig in.

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E Dagger’s brewskis

E Dagger: It’s odd. I agonized the entire week over the last question, have re-read it several times and felt dissatisfied every time. I’ve absurdly over-analyzed my answer because picking music for the rest of your life is a damned impossible task fraught with landmines and potholes everywhere. Remarkably, when I thought about this beer question, a question possibly even more weighty than the previous because you only get one as opposed to five, my brain called up its answer as if recalling my phone number, and I felt great about it. There’s one beer that easily stands above the rest for me, and that beer is Amstel Light.

The tag line on Amstel Light says it’s “the beer drinker’s light beer.” That’s absolutely true. Light beer often doesn’t pack enough oomph in the flavor department. I don’t need barrels and barrels of hoppy flavor, but I like to know that what I’m drinking is undoubtedly beer which doesn’t always happen with the domestic lights. Amstel has nice light hoppy bitterness, always finishes clean, and is a beer I can drink no matter the season. It’s refreshing in the summertime, and tastes great in the winter too.

On a semi-related note, Amstel Light is also the only beer I’ve ever had an intense craving for. I was drinking Crown Royal at V-Bar in Las Vegas one time and was suddenly hit with the intense and unyielding desire to drink Amstel Light and eat Special K cereal (don’t ask me why – and no, I wasn’t high either). Luckily, the bar had it so I proceeded to drink about 6 of them and went on a huge two month kick of drinking it. I also went home and ate nothing but Special K for 7 straight meals, but that’s really neither here nor there.

Amstel Light is the easy choice for me.

Hart’s Canadian goodness

Lee S. Hart: Since I spend way too much time in front of the beer coolers choosing the beer I will drink for the upcoming week, I found it really difficult to answer which one beer I would want on a desert island for God knows how long.

But after a few days of taste testing I have made my decision. I would choose Molson Canadian. Molson is one beer, or biere, that I can drink a lot of. It is light but not like a light beer. It is crisp, tasty, and refreshing.

The added bonus to choosing a Canadian brew is the way it always makes me think of the cold white north. One more way I can help myself keep chilled on the warm island. But in the end I choose drinkability. I can drink Molson after Molson and not grow tired of the taste. So bottoms up, eh!

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We turn it over to our readers, and you’re not going to see a hell of Guinness or similarly dark beer on this list. As it turns out, the provision that this is a desert island has informed basically everyone’s choice and you’ll see a running theme of refreshment through these responses. Although, like Hart, many would like to be reminded of colder times, and we start with one such response.

Corriander drinking from the glacier

Corriander: My desert island beer of choice would be Kokanee and there are multiple reasons I’m choosing this awesome Canadian beer as my refreshment.  First, I think it would kind of ironic to have a beer from the Great White North on a desert island.  Second, it’s light and refreshing which would be even more refreshing in the heat of a desert island.  It’s a light beer that I have yet to get sick of after more than just a few.  Third, it will serve a second purpose other than just refreshment, it will remind me of my home in Montana (almost the Great White North).  I used to drink dollar Kokanee drafts in college every Sunday night and play pool.  I was very sad to find out that Denver doesn’t have Kokanee on draft until I happened upon a little pizza joint that had it a few months ago.  A few days ago, we went back anxious for a delicious Kokanee after a long day of work, only to find that they no longer have it.  It was a very sad day, which has made my longing for an icy cold, straight from the tap Kokanee even more.  So, if I’m going to have an endless supply I request that it be in keg form and not just bottles, thank you.

F-U-Natalie says “F-U-Alcoholic Beer”

F-U-Natalie: I thought a lot about this and have decided my answer is Root. Yes, Root Beer. As you know I don’t like beer so this seems the best answer. If you were asking alcoholic drink it would be margarita or champagne.

Lady E with the glowing light of Dutch refreshment, ftw.

Lady E: I am so excited that we get to bring beer with us on the island! I was worried about being trapped and drinking only weird spring water… The beer I would choose to bring with me is Heineken Light. I will be lounging on the beach, turning myself into a human colored tomato, listening to Bitter:Sweet and drinking some Hiney-Light. That sounds like heaven, actually.

R recognizes the brilliance of the Motherland’s signature brew.

R: When I think of islands, I immediately think of being outdoors, and usually of being very hot. When I think of being hot, I think of only 1 thing that will really quench my thirst…a good old fashioned American-style lager. I waver every several months on which particular brand I prefer, but as of right now my preference would be Coors Light, so that’s what I want on the island with me. Wait, scratch that…I’m probably going to need the calories. Make it Coors Original. America’s domestic beers are by no means my favorite. I only drink them in specific situations, i.e. – I’m already shitfaced or am really hot and trying to re-hydrate while also wanting to get my BAC up to a suitable level. They are certainly watered down and flavorless for the most part, but I think that’s exactly what I want in this case. Something to cool me down and taste like I’m hydrating myself, but also ease the sorrow of being alone and hopeless. It’s probably not the best idea to be drinking at all, considering the dangers of dehydration on a deserted island, but what the hell, right? You only live once.

Easy Street with a lemon, as requested.

Gutter: The first thing I thought of was to put my favorite beer, Mass Transit from Bristol Brewery, but I decided against that because it is a little darker and doesn’t sound all that refreshing on a desert island. So I went with a beer that would taste great while sitting in the warms sands of this desert island and that beer is Easy Street Wheat from Odell’s Brewery. It is a great summer beer so I assume the transition to the desert island would be easy, the only condition is that there is either lemons growing on this island or I have lemon seeds which I can plant and grow, because Easy Street is so much better with a lemon wedge.

Augie gets a beer with an added bonus

Augie.Maestas: Forgive me Cru Jones, for I have sinned. It has been over a month since my last confession.

This week is pretty easy for me as one has to think about which beer is always in their refrigerator. When you are just hanging out, the first beer that comes to mind is Coors Light. After a hard day’s work and you want to get home and relax in front of the tube, Coors Light. When you work your butt off outside mowing the lawn, trimming the tree, etc. what better beer to have with you in the shower than an ice cold Coors Light. When going out to hang out with friends at a local pub, what do you order? Who knows, depends on what is on tap, what the deal of the hour is, etc. But when the options are Budweiser, Bud Light, PBR or Coors Light like at my dad’s favorite bar – Coors Light is the way to go.

Coors Light, ice cold, on the beach on your own island that you are supposedly stranded on – I would say, I just ran away from the world and found this cozy island with everything I want – music and Coors Light.

Beer from Ireland by way of the Motherland.

Keithage: George Killians Lett.  For me it is the perfect beer.  I have never had a Killians and wanted another beer.  It is light and refreshing but still has a malty goodness for flavor.  But it’s not heavy enough where I can’t drink my life away because Gilligan broke the coconut radio again.  I can always drink this anywhere any time.

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And finally, here’s our favorite response from the week. CJS is raising our respective Molson Canadians and Amstel Lights to you, Deuce.

He doesn’t always drink beer, but when he’s alone on a desert island, Deuce prefers Dos Equis.

Deuce: Choosing a single beer to drink for the rest of your life is difficult. The fact that I am stuck on a desert island actually makes this a little more complex because I’m inclined to stay away from beers that are too dark and heavy because I’m already going to have dry mouth, I don’t need to have dry mouth with overly heavy beer aftertaste especially with how much I’ll be drinking it. (Adios Shiner Bock and Fat Tire)  Light beers fit that bill, but they don’t have enough calories for all the activities associated with desert island living. i.e. Climbing trees, building rafts, chasing wild boars, etc. (So long Coors Light) Another thing to consider is a beer that comes in bottles because said bottles can be used to send out help messages. No one’s ever found a “message in a can” washed up on some beach. That’s just silly. So, it has to not have heavy aftertaste, not be a light beer and come in bottles. Well luckily that leaves me with one of my all time favorites, Dos Equis Lager. (The one in the green bottle) I have always felt that Dos Equis Lager was a beer full of tasty front end flavor but without the heavy aftertaste of so many flavorful beers and that is a big reason why I like it so much. Plus, maybe if I have Dos Equis there, the Most Interesting Man in the World would show up with a slew of women and/or jet skis for some beach time fun.

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Alright, so you’ve got your beer and some tunes. But that’s not much of a party, so we’re getting you some mates. Next week we wrap up Desert Island, and we want to close this up on the happiest of notes, so CJS is wrangling you some homeys. Assuming your wife/husband/best friend/mistress/ass cream applier is allowed there with you already (because that’s what everyone would say anyway), and since none of us know exactly the same people and don’t want any long-winded explanations justifying your relationship with a bunch of people we don’t know or care about, we’re getting you some well-known company. You’re allowed three famous people living or dead to hang out with. Who are the three famous people you’re living with on the desert island?

We want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile, or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Don’t be shy and send us your response, along with your posting name to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll put them up next week.

Dagger & Hart

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