Cru Jones Society

 

Now I am not sure if I am maturing or the cartoons these days just flat out suck. But I find that I hate them all. Between that, the Scooby Doo marathon last weekend and the drunken night I passed out at a friend’s with the TV on Boomerang I have felt nostalgic for some of the cartoons I used to love so much. Luckily for me there is Youtube.

There are two possibilities of what will happen if I re-watch some of these cartoons. I will either feel giddy with joy as I remember a life less frightening, or I my memories will be better than the cartoon actually is. In which case I will blame the sugary haze I spent my youth in.

My idea here is to approach this the way Natsukashi approaches their movies. First a little blurb about my memories of the cartoon. Then I will watch an episode and write about my post viewing thoughts. Natsukashi is a great site and this method works well so I will rip it off.

Centurions

Pre-Screening Memories

The Centurions were a team of cyborgs. There was a blue one who could fly. I think his name was Ace. There was an orange-ish brown one who represented the land, and the green one who was the water cyborg of the group. I can’t recall the names of the other two, but the water one looked like Tom Selleck.

Each Centurion had a multitude of accessories that would connect to various areas of their body and help them in their specific area to defend against the evil cyborgs. Because where there is a good of something, there is a bad of that something as well.

What I remember most of all about this cartoon are the toys. For our birthdays, which are days apart, my cousin and I got Ace and the green Centurion, respectively. We played with the hell out of those toys. They had the little guns that actually fired little missiles, and we both swore at the time we got one to shoot out my cousin’s room, turn two corners and go the length of the house. There is also the possibility I sometimes made mine be Magnum P.I. Oh to be young again.

Post Screening Thoughts

Ok the opening tells me right away that my memory was shit. Only the bad guys were cyborgs. The good guys only had exoskeleton suits that made them half man and half machine but all awesome. For those keeping score at home, please tell me your scoring system, but their names are Ace McCloud – air operations expert; Max Ray – sea operations commander; and Jake Rockwell – land operator specialist. Their names are associated with their specialty; I should have been able to remember that.

All of their awesome ass kicking accessories are in a space station manned by a woman and an orangutan. And like all good action cartoons of the 80′s and early 90′s, our heroes have a catch phrase to yell in order to suit up. You know, “By the power of Grayskull…” or, “Thunder, thunder, thunder, THUNDERCATS HO!” In this case it’s, “Power Extreme!”

Centurions is your standard 80′s action cartoon. The bad guys have some contrived plot to destroy/rule the world and the good guys use lots of explosions and puns to stop them. In the end the world is saved and back to the way it once was, but the bad guys get away so their plan the following week can fail again. And like all good action cartoons there is a learning segment at the end. The episode I watched taught me about the rings of Saturn, mainly how they may be some sight to see, but they pose a hazard to space navigation.

Final Thoughts

I can see why I watched this show when I was younger. I miss my old toys, and playing with them with my cousin. Since every episode is ever so predictable I will pass on the DVD of this cartoon. But I will probably watch more episodes on Youtube. I will also hope everyday that I can get me one of those exoskeleton suits.

Eek! The Cat

Pre-Screening Memories

Eek was a fat purple cat. It took me awhile to come around on this show as I found Eek’s nervous tendencies made me uncomfortable. This was also why I never liked Telly monster on Sesame Street. But eventually I found the jokes to be funny, but mostly I watched for the Terrible Thunder Lizards. A cartoon they would throw in between Eek stories, like U.S. Acres on Garfield and Friends. Also I remember the shark dog Sharky. A dog that resembles a shark is not often forgotten.

Post Screening

The show was created, directed, and co-written by Savage Steve Holland, who directed a lot of awesome 80′s movies. So it’s got that going for it, which is nice. Now that I know that too I see a similarity between these drawings and the ones done in One Crazy Summer.

I watched the Terrible Thunder Lizards first and this episode had a character called Mr. T Rex and was actually voiced by Mr. T. And the lizards’ commander is none other than Red Foreman, and Booger, from Revenge of the Nerds, also does a voice. The Thunder Lizards abide by the classic cartoon code of Murphy’s Law, wherein their attempts to destroy the humans is foiled by their own ineptness, much in the vein of Willie E. Coyote.

The Eek cartoon was not as fun. It involved Eek trying to reach a goal only to be stopped by Sharky and Eek’s own ineptness. I feel this is the standard plot for every episode. Something I never would have picked up on in my younger watching days is the subtle jokes that show how the cartoon is self aware. For instance Eek uses a giant cartoon type sling shot which arrives in a box labeled, “One Giant Cartoon Type Sling Shot.” Then as he is flying through the house, after using said sling shot, in a scene that should not take very long, he mentions how big the house is. It’s things like those types of jokes that make me glad I am re-watching these.

But the best joke is at the end when the boys who own Eek turn on the TV to watch something called Massacre at Mayberry. Yes, that Mayberry.

Final Thoughts

After twenty minutes of classic comedy crashes and burns I am burnt out on this kind of cartoon. If I am going to watch that kind of mayhem I’m going to get it from Loony Tunes or Tom and Jerry. Not this overstressed cat. I found Eek to be like Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents; I never found a real reason to like the guy or feel anything for him and thus could never relate to him or enjoy what I am watching despite what comedy is present. I am good with not watching Eek! The Cat for ten plus years.

Dinosaucers

Pre-Screening Memories

This one comes way back from my youth. It involved two sects of brightly colored dinosaurs, from outer space, who took up their war on Earth. The good dinosaurs befriended some humans because that is what all good guy space travelers do. What stands out the most about this cartoon is one time the bad guy leader asked for three cheers and one of his less than smart lackeys shows up with three chairs.

Post Screening Thoughts

The ship they travel in is shaped like a dinosaur. That doesn’t seem like the best shape for inter planetary travel, but what do I know, I’m no rocket scientist. There is a whole lot of nothing going on in this cartoon. The Dinosaucers spend a lot of time walking from place to place. It’s like watching Lord of the Rings.

The dialog is just too unbearable in this cartoon. The bad guys talk in a lot of bad jokes and puns and the good guys talk in a very matter-of-factly manner. And there is a lot of over narration. They have every one just telling what is going on and how they feel. That makes me feel angry.

This cartoon is not sure if it wants to be an action cartoon or a comedy cartoon. It has a hard time juggle the balance between the two and thus it ends up as a bad cartoon.

Final Thoughts

Its inability to make up its mind on what kind of cartoon it wants to be, along with the shitty dialog and go nowhere plots, Dinosaucers is a cartoon I would be happy with never watching again. I wish I would have left this cartoon to exist in my memory as it was. This look back at cartoons is making me realize Plath was right, you can’t go home again. I’m sure she had cartoons in mind when she said that.

Taz Mania

Pre-Screening Memories

First initial memory, “Welcome to a land that’s way under, down under/Where the sky’s always yellow in rain or shine/Down in Taz Mania/Come to Taz Mania/Where topsy meets turvy and they start to spin/Like a Tazmanian devil and his closest kin/Down in Taz Mania/Come to Taz Mania.” After all these years the first two lines of the intro stick out in my head.

At the height of Taz’s popularity, the early 90′s, 30 some odd years after his inception, Taz was given his own show where we got to see him living at home with his family. The rest of Taz’s family could talk normally and wore clothing while Taz was still naked and spit when he, uh talked, or whatever that was that he did. The show also featured a lot of other characters based on animals found in Tasmania or Australia, most notable was a kiwi bird which served as a modern day Road Runner, all fast and shit. The part that sticks out most, aside from the theme, is Taz’s dad was always talking about God damned orange juice. He would constantly tell us that it’s not just for breakfast any more.

Post-Screening Thoughts

As I have aged and have become more knowledgeable about things, I quickly realize Taz’s dad is a parody of Bing Crosby and now all I think is how he’s going to beat Taz and his sister with a sock full of Valencia oranges. The cartoon is a nice cross between the classic television family dynamic and the classic gags Looney Tunes offered.

Taz Mania uses the classic cartoon route and fits three short stories into a half hour block. It is almost like watching old Looney Tunes episodes. The classic comedy that comes with watching an anvil fall on someone is missing, but there is plenty of spinning Taz causing Hiroshima like damage. There is clear evidence that this show lead to the creation of Animaniacs and all the spin offs from that. The show isn’t as funny as I remember it, but that could have something to do with aging. I’m not exactly its key demographic any more.

Final Thoughts

I would say this has been the best of the four cartoons I watched today. The cartoon knows exactly what it wants to be. It involves many of the elements from its predecessor, Looney Tunes, but still maintains its own identity. I would buy this on DVD and watch it on those weekend mornings when I long for the Saturday mornings of yore, or when I’m trying to knock the remaining drunk off my morning ass.

If it has been some time since you visited any cartoons from your past, I recommend you pour yourself a bowl of sugary cereal, get on Youtube, and search out those timeless toons you used to love. If anything it is a good way to kill some time and you may be flooded with some fun memories, or may find out that as a child you had awful taste and are pissed that any brightly colored show held your attention. At least you can enjoy the cereal.

See ya where the sky’s always yellow…

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com