Cru Jones Society

 

These adorable yet deadly little guys are only the tip of the ice berg this week. Along with their awesomeness we have a golfer with no arms, Ryan the temp, and politicians doing awesome things. Now before these cats have a chance to attack your socks, check out the links we have for you.

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We make no qualms about the fact that we are not fond of golf. We do enjoy the occasional put-putt and think we’re pretty good at it, but we know that a man with no arms could probably beat us. Even if you fancy yourself a golfer and think you’re pretty good, you would probably be beaten by a man with no arms, if that man was Butch Lumpkin. Butch’s story is dubbed CJS’s motivational story of the week. It makes us want to get our hands out of our pants and do something useful with them.

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And in news about athletes we fucking hate and are tired of hearing shit about and wish they would just get injured so we wouldn’t have to deal with this bull shit every god dammed off season. It’s no hyperbole when we say every off season. Dagger wrote this piece about it 13 months ago. Well now the Cry Baby is a Viking and all we are hoping is Lawrence Taylor will come out of retirement and Joe Theismann Favre’s redneck ass and put an end to it once and for all. Hell, we’re about ready to hire Shane Stant to handle the situation.

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Favre should have to step into the Octagon to prove he can come back. We’d even allow one of the older fighters to take him on like Chuck Liddell. Unfortunately Chuck is too busy learning to dance to prepare for a fight, beside Favre would probably just cry the entire time. Also you read that correctly, Chuck is too busy learning to dance. He is the latest to join the ranks of pro athletes to become a contestant on Dancing with the Stars. While we probably won’t watch it, we really only like Liddell when he’s kicking asses or when he’s helping Pauly Shore punk Johnny Drama, we do wish him luck.

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If Liddell wins Dancing with the Stars he will win mad ducats. I think. I actually have no idea what people get on that show if they win. But I would wager there is some kind of monetary gain for it, and hopefully it doesn’t all come in singles. But have you ever looked at one dollar bill and wondered about all the goofy crap on it? We have. Luckily we came across this article and things were cleared right up. Apparently the dude in the middle of the bill is George Washington, not George Dollar as Beavis and Butthead had us believing.

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While we may have been wrong about the dude on the dollar, one thing we were not wrong about is the talent level by one of the world’s most beloved bands. A newly discovered recording confirms what we have been saying for years: the Beatles are not as good as everyone believes. It feels good to be right for once.

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Had to soak in as much of the being right for once as I could, especially since we now have to say this, Boulder may not be as awful as we made it out to be last week when we bashed on their censorship. Yeah that’s still retarded, but they gained some points because they fall under the jurisdiction of representative of Colorado’s 2^nd District, Jared Polis. Polis went on the Colbert Report and not only was he able to hold his own during some verbal sparing with Colbert, but he also manned up and did a beer bong. This is CJS’s required viewing for the week.

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From required viewing to required reading. The A.V. Club gave us this captivating interview with B.J. Novak, or as you may know him, Ryan the Temp. Novak talks poetically about what it is like watching Tarantino work, describes how he was able to move to the head of the class in scalping, and how effortlessly he helped bring back, “that’s what she said.” A great interview with someone who can play a guy we love to hate.

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You know what’s great about Vegas? Damn near everything! But one thing we really enjoy is how no two trips are ever the same. I remember never having any real desire to visit Vegas. Then I continued to hear my friend’s stories and I knew I wanted to go. But I never wanted to experience the same things they did, I wanted to make my own fun memories, ones that were unique to me. I got this same feeling when I saw The Hangover. I couldn’t wait for my next trip. The movie got me excited, but I didn’t want to do most of the things they did, again I wanted to have my own Vegas experience. But apparently some people are less imaginative and require someone else to think for them and decided what is fun. There is a company that is offering Hangover themed package trips to Vegas. So not only are there people to uncreative to visit Vegas in their own way, but they are also too stupid to figure out how to recreate the movie on their own. We hope anyone who books this trip suffers worse than Doug did in the movie.

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Now let’s imagine the opposite of The Hangover Vacation. By this we mean you do something so totally awesome that someone wants to turn it into a movie. Sure this happens all the time, why do we bring it up? Well, loyal readers, because this time this particular story is about the alleged inspiration for Ferris Bueller. It is a nice commentary on what his life meant to the movie and what the movie has meant to his life. Wish we came across this a few weeks ago when it was more topical, but such is life.

This gentleman had Matthew Broderick portray him in the movie of his life, allegedly. If someone decided to take your antics and turn them into a summer blockbuster, a romantic comedy that annoys boyfriends everywhere, a slasher flick that annoys girlfriends everywhere, or even a Hughes inspired coming of age saga, who would you want to play you? That is the question for this week’s Confessional. So if you want us to start calling agents, send your response to staff@crujonessociety.com

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On occasion we come across a website that completely forces us to drop our macho act and embrace our inner softie. The occasion is now, and the website is this adorable goodness. Just a warning it may cause you to feel warm, happy, and a bit sleepy.

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Hell, er, Heavens yeah!

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com