One of the worst things about television are those pesky 3 minute breaks during shows. In these 3 minute breaks, we are bombarded with advertisements for all sorts of products, many of which we do not need. For the most part these advertisements are forgettable or obnoxiously unforgettable. There are however a few that are awesome, like this one. But since everyone’s taste is different, we wanted to know what your favorite commercial is. So here are a few words from our sponsors before we return you to your regularly scheduled CJS programming.
Hart: Either I am a simple man who proves the adage sex sells, or I really need to find a girlfriend. I have two commercials to talk about and I like them both because of the chick in them. The first are those Progressive commercials that take place in what appears to be an insurance wholesale store. I like these commercials because of Flo and her tricked out name badge. I have a slight crush on this woman and I cannot totally explain it. I think it is her dorkiness. It’s very charming in its sincerity.
The second commercial I really enjoy is for Education Connection. This is a commercial I have only seen while watching That70′s Show reruns and Degrassi on a Nickelodeon station geared towards teenagers. I may have a problem. But again I have a crush on the chick in this commercial. She does this song and little dance and there is something about it that just does it for me.
I think there is that idea of dating a celebrity that stems my enjoyment of these commercials. And I have this idea there is more of a shot at dating a girl in a commercial than some big shot celebrity. Or as I said before, maybe I just need a girlfriend.
Dagger: I have an extremely bi-polar relationship with advertising. I rarely have any opinion of commercials; I either whole-heartedly love a commercial and fawn all the fuck over it, or I hate it with the power of a thousand burning suns and wish death upon its makers. For instance, I really can’t stand the entire gaggle of nitwit assholes in the Sonic commercials and get angry every time those two ambiguously gay fuckheads come on my screen and spew moronic verbal diarrhea all over my television. Just eat your fucking burger and shut up, dickwart.
By contrast, I absolutely freaking love this spot by Amp’d Mobile. A pudgy Asian man approaches the sink in a bathroom quietly singing a rap song to himself. He catches his own gaze in the mirror and cranks up the intensity barking out ‘WHAT’CHA GONNA DO WHEN I BEND THE BLOCK?!” He’s clearly sold out the Los Angeles Forum in his own mind and is giving the audience more than their money’s worth with a raucous rendition of “U and Dat” by E40 and T-Pain, and just as he busts out the line “SPEAKAS ON BLAST…” some white dork emerges from a stall and catches our little Asian friend tryin’ to be gangsta and he sheepishly says “Hi” as he didn’t realize he was performing for more than himself in the mirror. He awkwardly resumes washing his hands and we cut to some exposition imploring us to buy Amp’d Mobile.
The Asian guy’s reaction to getting caught in a very self-involved moment is priceless and never ceases to be funny. In writing this response, I’ve re-watched the commercial about 10 times. On a slightly deeper level, I’ve always loved this commercial because in my first job I found myself waiting for an elevator absent-mindedly singing “No Scrubs” by TLC to myself. I got a little more into it and as the doors opened I was right in the middle of “No, I don’t wanna meet you nowhere. No, don’t want none of your ti-i-ime!” as I turned around and saw a guy from my floor looking at me like I’d just farted. I don’t embarrass easily, but working in the butch field of oil & gas doesn’t exactly allow you a lot of leeway in terms of how you’re supposed to act, and needless to say, singing a pop candy hit by three girls isn’t high on the list of things you should be caught doing.
So, Amp’d Mobile Asian Guy, I’m with you. You rock that E40. Just maybe do it at home next time
Dagger isn’t the only person whole enjoys commercials in which someone sings inappropriately. We got another like that amongst our wide variety of submissions this week. So take it away other singing guy.
Lady E: Since I was busy moving last week and didn’t answer (P.S. Drew Barrymore would soo play me) I knew I needed to this week. I am lucky that the answer to this question was so easy! At first I wanted to do a cat litter commercial that at the end has a kitten saying, “whatever, I still think they are diamonds.” But that commercial vanished into the universe never to be seen or heard from again. So instead I choose an Aiwa commercial. It is brilliant, a dude just Jamming out to Queen while driving. He is waving at other cars, having a dance party of one, while his passenger looks on disgusted. Here is where you click the link and watch the commercial, I will wait…
Yeah, that is right; dude is driving a hearse, jamming out to “Another One Bites the Dust!” Having grown up with my fair share (and the share of most of the readers too) of death and funeral processions, I found this commercial to be the funniest thing I had ever seen! For anyone who has ever had the “pleasure” of riding in a funeral procession, wouldn’t it make the entire event that much better if you knew the hearse driver was rockin’ out to that song? Frankly, I find this commercial to be the best way to start the week, and I hope that you do too.
Corriander: My current favorite commercial is one from the 2008 Super Bowl, but I still see it every now and then. It always cracks me up. It’s the commercial for the Tide To Go stick. A guy is in an interview and he has a huge, mumbling stain on his shirt. Every time he talks, the stain starts mumbling and yelling over him and the guy with this stain is clueless. I guess the point is how distracting a stain can be, the guy interviewing him cannot focus on anything else than the stain and doesn’t hear a word that he says. I think it’s hilarious, I’m not sure why. While searching for the video of it online, I found out that on the Tide website you can customize the commercial. You can put your face on the stain and then call in and record your voice also. I’m going to have to try this out.
Gutter: The one commercial that has the biggest effect on me is the Dairy Queen Thin Mint Blizzard commercial. Nothing about the commercial itself is all the great, to be honest I think all the commercial would have to be is a picture of the Thin Mint Blizzard just sitting there for 30 seconds, but every time that commercial comes on I have to convince myself that it wouldn’t be a good idea to drive 5 minutes to our local Dairy Queen, sit in line for 15 minutes (because we have the world’s slowest Dairy Queen employees) and then drive 5 minutes back to the house. I don’t know this for a fact but I am pretty sure that they put cocaine into the blizzards because they are that addicting, in fact I now need to convince myself that leaving work at 9:30AM to go get one of those blizzards would be a bad idea.
CassieB: I am sure my choice of a favorite commercial does not fall into the “classic commercial” category, but it is my fave nonetheless. Diet Coke “rollergirl/starry-eyed surprise.” This commercial always makes me want to bust out my rollerskates (yes, I own a totally awesome pair with red and white wheels and red puff-balls covering the laces). It can be summer or winter and I am suddenly ready to hit the beach with a diet coke (or beer) in hand. Clearly I live in So Cal.
This commercial is the case of an ad that would just plain suck if it were not for the awesome tunes. The song is Starry-eyed Surprise by Paul Oakenfold and Shifty Shellshock. Now if you don’t watch Celebrity Rehab and/or Sober House, shame on you. But if you do, you would know Shifty as the fantastically reckless, crack/meth addict who has a reoccurring “role” on the show. Gotta love any song by that poor lost soul, and I happen to love it enough to consume whatever product it accompanies on a TV commercial.
Apparently a lot of us will obey when the television tells us we need something. That is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact that keeps our economy from going completely teats up.
We are all smart adults who know when to say yes and when to say no to a commercial. But as kids we didn’t have that filter. There were probably a lot of commercials for toys we wanted, and there is a very good chance we didn’t get any where near half of the ones we wanted. But we did get some, so we want to know what your favorite toy was when you were a child. Was it a Stretch Armstrong whose arms stretched for days? Perhaps a truck which explored the rough terrain of the backyard? Or the fill-in-the-blank Barbie that held the dreams you realize now you never lived up to? Whatever it was, we want to hear about it.
We want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile, or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Don’t be shy and send us your response, along with your posting name to email@example.com and we’ll put them up next week.
Dagger and Hart
31 Aug 2009 CJS Staff