Cru Jones Society

Every Wednesday between now and the end of baseball season the Cru Jones Society brings you a new baseball movie examined for both overall entertainment value and treatment of our favorite game. To suggest a film, email us at staff [at] crujonessociety.com. Otherwise, pour yourself an $8 beer, crack some shells, and let’s play ball.

Date Released: March 29, 2002
Box Office Total: $75,600,072
Team Featured: Tampa Bay Devil Rays / Big Lake Owls

“You know what we get to do today, Brooks? We get to play baseball.” – Jimmy Morris.

We don’t often know what happens to prospects who flame out before they get to the big leagues. A million dollar arm and a successful major league career happen for so few, attempting to make sense of all those who don’t get there would be overwhelming. But what happens when one of those many gets a second chance? And what happens when that second chance comes when you’ve now got a wife, a family, and a job to think about? Continue Reading »

To read part one of CJS’s return to Las Vegas, click here. 

I wake up in the bed nearest the bathroom. That’s odd.

I mean, not that that’s inherently odd by itself, although somehow Lady E almost always ends up closer to the bathroom when we’re in a hotel (or any new place for that matter) by some weird voodoo logic about having to face a certain way when she sleeps. Incredibly, that way always yields her nearest the bathroom forcing me to take the long way around.

The reason it’s odd is because I distinctly remember falling asleep in the other bed. Did I wake up and vomit? I check my clothes, the bathroom, and my breath – relatively clean, only towels and a few stray beer cans on the floor, and wretched but not pukey, respectively.

Hmmm. Waking up in Las Vegas is never dull, that’s for sure. Continue Reading »

This weekly feature on the Cru Jones Society has been running since January 11 and invites CJS Staff and Regulars to share their answers to a weekly prompt.

What is the Monday Confessional?

That is correct, and welcome to another edition. The CJS loves Jeopardy! but thinks the interview segment bites. In our experience, we’ve only seen one truly good interview and that was a guy who admired some broadcaster who regularly called games at Madison Square Garden and aspired to do that one day himself. Through hard work and some good luck, his college basketball team serendipitously played there and he was fortunate enough to realize his dream by doing play-by-play for them. Simple, elegant, and interesting. Good for him.

However, everyone else usually tells some jackass story about their cat which makes us just want to ridicule the entire thing. So we asked you to amuse us and answer this question: What is your Jeopardy interview story? Seeing as we only got two responses, the staff will go first, then the regulars, and then a fun little game. Enjoy! (Because the clock is ticking) Continue Reading »

Happy Friday grows up so fast. It seems like only yesterday is what a gleam in the eye of Senor Limon. Now it’s 65 and demanding a discount at the early bird special. It’s tired of working, and we hope you are too. This week we have crocodiles, Jim Tracy, Reading Rainbow, and of course a demotivator. So put the TPS reports aside, let the phone go to voicemail, and read on so you’ll still have time for Wheel. Continue Reading »

“The one unchangeable certainty is that nothing is certain or unchangeable.” – John F. Kennedy.

“I am coming to realize that one should complete 80% of total lifetime drinking in the first quarter century.” – CJS Regular Keithage.

As your faithful CJS authors continue their march toward 30 years old, we’re increasingly surrounded by change. We’ve come to embrace change, although that often doesn’t come easily or without a brutal hangover.

Change is also a constant motif in Las Vegas. Casinos come and go in the blink of an eye. Despite our so-called recession, development seems to be booming all along The Strip and one gaudy monstrosity now obstructs another as you navigate temporary sidewalks littered with hooker cards and discarded cigarettes.

You never visit the same Las Vegas twice, and this time I visited there for the first (and hopefully only) time as an engaged man. Hart, Limon, and five friends joined me to celebrate my bachelor party. Two things we learned: 1) We can’t drink like we used to; and 2) Some things never change. Here’s how the Dagger Bachelor Party went down… Continue Reading »

Every Wednesday between now and the end of baseball season the Cru Jones Society brings you a new baseball movie examined for both overall entertainment value and treatment of our favorite game. To suggest a film, email us at staff [at] crujonessociety.com. Otherwise, pour yourself an $8 beer, crack some shells, and let’s play ball.

Date Released: July 9, 1993
Box Office Total: $ 53,615,089
Team Featured: Chicago Cubs

“F-F-F Funky Butt Loving!” – Dr. Kresten

“Did he say ‘funky butt loving’?” – George

This really has nothing to do with the story or the plot nor does it have any real significance at all, but dammit if it didn’t make me laugh and it does set the tone for the movie. In addition it helps to understand that children do not take anything, from a broken arm to the NLCS, too seriously. Continue Reading »

We just got back from Vegas. And while I am completely aware that I am not 22 anymore and I still feel like ass two days later, I still believe Vegas is the best place for a bachelor party. Talking to Dagger a few years ago he casually mentioned he would like to go sky diving for his bachelor party. At that point I was a little nervous as I have a fear of heights and could not fathom throwing myself out of a plane. But that has had me thinking about things I would like to experience in this life. I can thank Rick Reilly for scarring me out of flying in a jet, but the rest of these all have real possibilities. Continue Reading »

We’re back from Las Vegas and we’ve got stories to share, but those will have to wait until Thursday. Why? Because although being in Las Vegas often feels like pure fiction and fantasy (it is – especially when it’s YOUR bachelor party), that answer is disqualified because you can actually go there anytime you want. Our focus today is on places you can’t actually go. We asked you last week: If you could visit one fictional world from television, movies, literature, which would it be? Our readers’ diverse choices are inside, but first the CJS Staff. Continue Reading »

As Dagger mentioned yesterday, we are off to Sin City. But we are not the kinds of internet comedy writers to leave our loyal readers high and dry. While this may not be the bright lights, loud noises, and exoticness of Las Vegas at least it will be a distraction from your hum-drum work routine. So while we enjoy an oversized cup of beer you can enjoy this oversized cup of links which include one of the most adorable baseball fans ever, the end of the recession, and one of the sexiest championships known to man. Now before Kanye can interrupt, let’s roll the dice on the shenanigans. Continue Reading »

Under most circumstances, anticipation is a bad thing. A desperate job interview. A tension-filled pregnancy test. Watching Franklin Morales walk the bases loaded in the late innings when the game is tied. None of these things is fun.

But when it comes to Las Vegas, the day/week/month before you and your buddies head to Sin City for a debaucherous weekend is like the adult version of the run up to Christmas. Your mind races with dreams of going on a huge run at the craps table, your imagination runs wild considering the possibilities of what you’ll do and who you’ll meet, and your liver quivers in anticipation of the wet t-shirt contest like dousing it’ll receive over the next two days.

Did I mention we’re going to Vegas tomorrow? Continue Reading »

Every Wednesday between now and the end of baseball season the Cru Jones Society brings you a new baseball movie examined for both overall entertainment value and treatment of our favorite game. To suggest a film, email us at staff [at] crujonessociety.com. Otherwise, pour yourself an $8 beer, crack some shells, and let’s play ball.

Date Released: April 9, 1993
Box Office Total: $ 32,434,006
Team Featured: The Sandlot All-Stars

“Man, this is baseball. You gotta stop thinking. Just have fun.” – Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez

Baseball has been called the thinking man’s game, but Benny’s right. Most of the time, you’ve just got to grip it and rip it. I like the idea of this quote because as Benny and the rest of his sandlot friends try to get Smalls’ autographed Babe Ruth ball back from the clutches of The Beast, they spend the entire movie overthinking the problem. And all it really takes is a simple baseball solution. Continue Reading »

I remember being young and the thought eating out at a restaurant was a big deal. That doesn’t seem to be the case now that I am older. Now that I have the freedom to eat where I want and when I want, I can pretty much have whatever I want, thus lessening the excitement of eating some place other than my home. But I was thinking back at some of the places I loved when I was wee lad and how I miss those days, kind of. Continue Reading »

We expected a firestorm of responses this week since this is a long-debated topic, but a relatively easy one to answer. What we got was barely a spark of debate. We figured our question: Are you a dog or cat person? would rage on like a Malibu wildfire like it often does during tavern exchanges that start off friendly, but ultimately escalate into unpleasantness before someone steps in and ends the acrimony with an offer to buy a round of kamikazes for everyone. Sadly, seeing as this is the internet, we have no alcohol. However, the responses we did get were excellent, so come on inside and we’ll see who the big CJS winner is: Cats or dogs. Feel free to add your two cents to the comments section. Continue Reading »

Happy Friday, fellow slackers. Since most of us had Monday off, that means you’ve almost certainly got work to catch up on this week. Taking that into consideration, we’ve got a relatively brief collection of links for you. While quality never suffers, volume often does, so check out this week’s offering and then get back to work, ya’ bastard. Those TPS Reports aren’t going to write themselves. And don’t forget the new cover sheet. Or didn’t you get that memo? Continue Reading »

 Much like the only guarantees in life are death and taxes, there are also guarantees in advertising. These guarantees are sexy broads will try to sell beer, Taco Bell will continue to focus on the drunk college aged demographic, and cereal will use cartoons to appeal to children. The thing about these guarantees are one, beer sells itself. Seriously, have you had beer? The stuff is awesome. Two, Taco Bell is always the best option when you’re drunk (unless you are near that gyro vendor in Old Town Ft. Collins) and only when you’re drunk. And three, is it absolutely necessary to use cartoons to make sugary cereals more alluring to children?

It’s this last thing that I have been focusing too much attention and anger towards lately. I should really watch less children’s programming and act my age. But there are a few things about this advertising practice that have really been bugging me, and few things that I am ok with.

I figured the best way to go about this was to break it up by company. Then look at their top offenders or characters. Let’s pour the milk on this thing and spoon our way to the bottom. Continue Reading »

Every Wednesday between now and the end of baseball season the Cru Jones Society brings you a new baseball movie examined for both overall entertainment value and treatment of our favorite game. To suggest a film, email us at staff [at] crujonessociety.com. Otherwise, pour yourself an $8 beer, crack some shells, and let’s play ball.

Date Released: September 17, 2004
Box Office Total: $21,811,187
Team Featured: Milwaukee Brewers 

“You know, a lot of people said that Stan only looked out for himself, that he wasn’t a team player. But I’m here to tell you, if you get 3000 hits, you don’t have to be a team player. If you have a lifetime .314 average, you don’t have to be a good guy. If you lead the league in batting for three years, you can be the biggest jerk in the world! “- Big Horse Borelli giving a speech during Stan Ross’ number retirement.

As I discussed two weeks ago with 61* baseball is a game where records mean everything. Not only to the fans, but also to the players themselves. This is another story of a man trying to obtain a record that is important to him. Continue Reading »

Since it’s the day after Labor Day, you’re all likely in a slightly better mood than a normal Tuesday. And why shouldn’t you be? The triumphant CSU Rams saved everyone from Boulder from buying additional carbon offsets by shutting their giant, organic wheatgrass-smelling mouths that bloviated all week about how much they were going to kick our asses. How’d that work out for you? Enjoy your crow and rest happy in the knowledge that you’ve prevented the additional propagation of harmful greenhouse gases, and the world thanks you.

In the spirit of those good feelings, we’ll take a trip to the Love Lounge on the lighter side. I didn’t find anything worthy of moral outrage in this article, but I found its basic premise to be the lame little litter sister to tired old hacky standup bit “Black guys eat like this. White guys eat like this.” Continue Reading »

Ralph Wiggum put it best when he said, “Fun toys are fun!” That they are, Ralph, that they are. So we asked you to take a look back at your childhood and the fun times you had with your fun toys and tell us which of those toys was your favorite. Hart and Dagger are first, then our readers’ responses, then after that you can all enjoy the day off and play with your toys. Continue Reading »

Labor Day weekend is upon us, Regulars. And since you’re likely not coming to work on Monday, what’s the difference if you blow off Friday too? With that in mind, we’ve got some of the best time-wasting links we’ve found in quite some time right along side a preview of the Broncos, the upcoming Fall TV schedule, and the father of Beavis & Butthead himself. There’s no time like the present, so get to clicking and make sure your IT department knows just how woefully inefficient you can be! Continue Reading »

On the walls surrounding my desk are three cork boards covered with pictures. When I am feeling over whelmed I will just stop and stare at these frozen memories. It is a little like having my own time machine as I travel through the years and relive all the good times in my mind. While I do love looking at the goofy faces of my friends, these pictures only represent half of my memories.

The other half consists of times less joyous and more sucktacular. But those times often don’t end up on film, and if for some reason they do they wouldn’t make it onto a board for daily viewings. But these, along with a discussion I recently had with Dagger; I can’t help but to think about Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. More specifically whether or not I would indulge in the service offered. Here are my thoughts. Continue Reading »