Cru Jones Society

 

We expected a firestorm of responses this week since this is a long-debated topic, but a relatively easy one to answer. What we got was barely a spark of debate. We figured our question: Are you a dog or cat person? would rage on like a Malibu wildfire like it often does during tavern exchanges that start off friendly, but ultimately escalate into unpleasantness before someone steps in and ends the acrimony with an offer to buy a round of kamikazes for everyone. Sadly, seeing as this is the internet, we have no alcohol. However, the responses we did get were excellent, so come on inside and we’ll see who the big CJS winner is: Cats or dogs. Feel free to add your two cents to the comments section.

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E Dagger: This used to seem like such an easy answer for me. I never used to like cats, grew up with a swell dog, hence, my answer should be dogs. But it isn’t. In my current state, I prefer cats to dogs.

Here’s why: People always say cats are cold, unfriendly, temperamental, and generally disagreeable. If you’ve got a cat who’s untrained, this is 100% true. But think about this in terms of dogs. If you’ve got a dog who’s untrained, that means you’ve got a wet nose in the crotch, dirty paw prints all over your pants and shirt, a needy, insecure hyperactive maniac who needs your reassurance at all hours of the day and who chews up your stuff while you’re gone. With a few exceptions, if you have an untrained cat, you’ll just never see it. So I thought about this question from the perspective of a guest in someone’s home. What would you rather deal with as you went to a friend’s house? The four-legged toddler who slobbers all over you, or the recalcitrant prick you never see? An untrained cat is one you never have to deal with. An untrained dog is one you see all the time that never shuts up or goes away.

With a well-adjusted animal, a good cat vs. a good dog is basically a wash. You win either way. The only difference is, one of those animals doesn’t worry if you end up crashing on a buddy’s couch after too many Jagerbombs, calmly craps in a box of sand, and seems nonplussed that you’ve just come home bleary-eyed after 16 hours away. The other has likely worried himself into a giant ulcer, crapped on your floor, and annoyed your neighbors with a night full of paranoid howling.

Dogs are fun, but my god, are they work! The last thing I need at this point in my life is more to do.

Lee S. Hart: Cartoonist Darby Conley put it best when he said, “Cats, of course, are easier to make fun of. The cutest cat is still a freak. Where dogs are sympathetic, almost tragic, figures, cats are pure comedy. Dogs are your buddies, cats are entertainment. They’re like a TV show. There’s nothing funnier than when a cat falls off of something. When a dog falls down a couple of stairs, you rush to it and console it. But when a cat does it, it’s funny – you point and laugh.”

I couldn’t agree more. But it is for the reason that they are entertaining that I choose cats. I have buddies, plenty of buddies. Ones who will talk to me and interact with me more than a dog. If I want a pet, I want one that will entertain me. In addition I like to laugh when my buddies get hurt too. When Senor Limon jumped down the stairs and cracked his head open, before we knew the extent of his injury, we all laughed. That’s what I do with the people I’m close to, so that is what I want from my pets.

Dogs also remind me of that clingy needy girlfriend. The one who calls thirty seconds after leaving just to say they miss you. Or guilt trip you when you want a guys’ night out. Seriously most dogs I have known are always there, following you. And the way they will look at you when you leave the house. Jesus, dog, I need some me time.

Mostly though I think I prefer cats because that is what I grew up around. My mom or sister always had cats. I know how far and screw with a cat, I can tell when it’s pissed and I should stop pushing its ears back and making it talk like Yoda. I get cats. Dogs are foreign to me.

But since they both cause me to sneeze like I just did a line of pepper, cause my eyes to water like the Seattle wet season, and make my face itch so unbearably much I have to say fuck them both and I will stick to the one house plant I have.

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And now we turn it over to our readers. Cats or dogs? Our readers make their choices.

Corriander: The easy answer is that I’m a dog person – because that’s what I currently own.  But I grew up with cats and love them too.  We always had one dog and one cat.  When it came time for me to be “grown up” and take on the responsibility of my own pet I knew I wanted a dog first.  But that meant I had to wait until I was in my own home and finished grad school.  At one point, I became impatient and almost got myself a cat, since one of the best things about cats is their independence.  I still felt guilty about leaving any pet for more than 12 hours/day so I didn’t go through with it (good thing, I guess given Keithage’s likely response to this question).  I got a dog that loves to go hiking and camping with me, which is good because if I had a cat that would just be even more time I’d be leaving him/her home alone.  I love seeing her learn new tricks, run or swim towards me with a ball or stick, get excited when I come home or when someone else comes over.  Basically, I’m just easily entertained I guess.    So I don’t think dogs rule while cats drool, but my pup definitely rules.

Ferris: I am a cat person. I have two and they are great company. I like that they are independent and don’t rely on me to entertain them all day. Also the main reason is that cats are cooler than dogs because …… CATS SHIT IN A BOX.

Thank you.

Keithage: Cats are for sissies and their girlfriends.  And in the case of Limon… just him I guess.  Maybe it’s because I am slightly allergic to cats but in my mind the only thing cats are good for is companionship.  When a cat carries a barrel of whiskey around his neck to save some stranded hiker, or leads a blind guy around or guards a house maybe then I’ll like them.  A dog is both a man’s best friend and helpful.  Hell a dog might even be better than your significant other, I mean if you lock your dog and your significant other in a trunk for a day, which one will be happy to see you?

Lady E: Cats OR dogs? This is such a polarizing question, why does it have to be one or the other? It is questions like these that make people declare Republican or Democrat without thinking about what it really means, and the next thing you know people are getting fingers bitten off at a health care rally!

So, like my politics I lean more one way, but will not declare myself totally one or the other.

My preference is cats, BUT before you get all holier-than-thou with your dog rhetoric, let me explain.  People don’t really realize it, but cats are very trainable! They will play fetch, they will come with you call them (most of the time), they cuddle up with you on the couch and watch TV, they even come to the door to greet you when you get home from work! Yeah, if you don’t love your cats and play with them and train them, they will be aloof fuckers that not even you want to be with. But you train them and they are just like dogs, only you can leave them alone for more than 6 hours without fear of them peeing on the carpet.

While I do love cats, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for dogs too. I grew up with black labs and their hyper, slobbery demeanor will always make me happy. And when I have a house that has a yard and enough time off to properly train a dog, I totally plan on getting a pug. Like cats, if you don’t take the time to train them, they will be fuckers that not even you want to hang out with…

So here are to the people who love both cats and dogs. The funny thing is, cats and dogs get along great together, so we shouldn’t polarize ourselves, because they sure wouldn’t!

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Well said, Lady E. This doesn’t necessarily have to be an either/or proposition and it is possible to like both dogs and cats. You may never convince the non-believers of this, but fuck ‘em. Let them live their stupid one pet life forever. Because we all know tropical parrots are the best pets money can buy anyway.

Moving on. Last week’s question was deeply rooted in reality – one based on personal history, experience, and observation. This week we shift gears entirely into the realm of the hypothetical and fantastical. As voracious pop culture consumers, the CJS Community vicariously visits a multitude of fictional worlds. Whether you’re riding the Planet Express Ship with a robot, a Cyclops, and a freaky lobster monster through New New York in the year 3000, eating pie with Aunt Bea and shooting the breeze with Floyd the barber in Mayberry, or walking, walking, walking for 3 goddamned long ass movies all over Middle Earth, we’ve all seen fictional worlds we love and ones we hate. We’re asking you today: If you could live in any fictional world, which one would you choose? This can be from television, movies, literature, anything from pop culture. Send your answer and your reasoning to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll put ‘em right here next week.

So get your think on, and send us your favorite fictional world. Because we want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile, or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Don’t be shy and send us your response. We can’t wait to hear from you.

Dagger & Hart