Cru Jones Society

 

As Dagger mentioned yesterday, we are off to Sin City. But we are not the kinds of internet comedy writers to leave our loyal readers high and dry. While this may not be the bright lights, loud noises, and exoticness of Las Vegas at least it will be a distraction from your hum-drum work routine. So while we enjoy an oversized cup of beer you can enjoy this oversized cup of links which include one of the most adorable baseball fans ever, the end of the recession, and one of the sexiest championships known to man. Now before Kanye can interrupt, let’s roll the dice on the shenanigans.

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I was once at a baseball game where the two gentlemen behind me spent no less than two full innings discussing the movie Road House. And I don’t know a single girl, age appropriate, who does not love Dirty Dancing. So we want to start off with the sad news story of the week and say that while we couldn’t care less about Ghost or To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar; Point Break and Red Dawn are awesome. We can think of no better way to remember Swayze than with this clip. You will be missed, sir.

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A few weeks back we took half a day off from our real jobs in order to catch a screening of Inglourious Basterds. It was worth it as the movie was awesome, a bit intense at times, but awesome. We are not the only ones who thought so as the movie has grossed about $200 million. In this piece, Tarantino discusses how the German audience reacts to yet another World War II film. Sucks to be the country responsible for the worst genocide in history, eh comrades?

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Keeping with the showbiz news section of this week’s Happy Friday, Leno has a new show. We didn’t watch it because frankly Leno doesn’t do much for us. But after reading this piece about what he’s done right and where Conan is screwing up, we do have more respect for Leno and appreciate his work ethic. And for good measure here’s a link tying this story and the previous one together.

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The Red Green Show is a Canadian standard. Comedy Central is airing a special about it this Sunday, but before that, there is this great article talking about the conception and appeal the show has. So read the article and check out the special and be sure to keep your stick on the ice.

Speaking of The Red Green Show, is Possum Lake a place you would like to call home? What about Sunnyville with its vampires, vampire slayers, and lesbian witches? Or perhaps living under the rule of Lrrr on Omicron Persei 8 is more your idea of living. There are lots of fictional places where one can lay there head. So for this week’s Confessional we want you to tell us which fictional place you would choose to live in. So pick a place, write a little about why you chose it, and send it on over to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll publish it. Hey maybe a realtor will see and be able to help you out.

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From living to dying, it’s the circle of life here at the Society. For there are many ways to kill a man they say, with bayonet, axe, or sword. One student at John Hopkins chose sword as he was slicing shit like a samurai. Wait, ladies and gentlemen, we have successfully written about a news story using lyrics from Flogging Molly and the Wu-Tang Clan. Be sure to look for our mash up album due out early next spring.

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Music was our plan to keep our asses safe during the recession. Fortunately that won’t be necessary thanks to some clever planning by our 40^th president, to save you some look up time, the 40^th president was Reagan. During his presidency he put a side trillions of dollars. The government was just recently able to locate it. Ah Reagan, tearing down walls and planning for our countries future.

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Enough of our political agenda, we promised an adorable baseball fan. This has been all over the web since Wednesday so you have probably already seen it, but dammit if it isn’t funnier than the picture ruining squirrel and more adorable than any of the animal pictures for the most recent Monday Confessional. By far the best play made at Citizen Bank Park all season.

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For those of you who tune out when talk about baseball, go ahead and tune out now as we talk about MMA, you’ll probably be just as bored. When MTV did a True Life episode about MMA fighters they profiled a guy from CSU. Not to be outdone, a guy from CU is to appear on the upcoming Ultimate Fighter. While we make no effort to hide our disdain for all things CU we do wish the best of luck to this guy as he will be representing the greatest state in the union! Also he was turned on to MMA by the movie Bloodsport so he’s ok in our books.

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Since we are talking about fighting, it is important for us to talk about another fight that is being waged across America. It’s the fight against smack in orphanages. This is a very serious problem but luckily some folks have started a website to aid in the fight. With your help we can put an end to this terrible epidemic. So check it out, and help in any way you can.

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FOR-EV-ER! FOR-EV-ER! FOR-EV-ER!

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Don’t know about you guys, but that last video made us hungry. But we’re tired of the traditional sandwich. Some meat and cheese between bread, ugh. If only some place would do their part to reinvent the sandwich. Oh what do you know, KFC has offered to help us out. There’s a shock. KFC has said, “Bread? We don’t need no stinkin’ bread!” And they threw bacon and two types of cheese between two chicken breast. No we didn’t leave out any words those are the ingredients to the sandwich. Nathan Rabin has all the artery clogging details.

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Any good meal ends with either dessert or an after dinner drink. An ice cream shop in Montana has found a new and interesting way to combine these two things. They made a beer flavored ice cream. This is either brilliantly delicious or stomach turningly awful. There is no middle ground here. We’re more willing to try this before we try the Double Down Chicken sandwich.

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We could never eat like that now. But there was once a time when the Double Down beer ice cream combo would have been an appetizer for us. That’s just one of the joys of being a young man. Though as this graph will show, there are many highs and lows of being a young man. A thank you to CJS regular Keithage for sending us this.

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Several highs on that last chart can be attributed to competitions like this one. Or maybe the competition can be attributed to the high points on the graph. Hmm…getting a bit philosophical here at CJS. But the real question here is two fold: what are the judging criteria for this competition and how do we get that gig?

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The desire to judge the last competition may be something inherited from our fathers. As we learned last week from our new favorite Twitter feed and we learn this week from Dad Gone Mad, dads have a lot to teach us. Even now that we are in our late twenty’s and prepare to be dads, or dad like figures, ourselves.

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I recently had a co-worker tell me that I was un-American because I don’t like the Beatles. I asked how that made me un-American. Her response, “Duh, Woodstock.” I want to assume that we have intelligent readers, but for those who don’t know, The Beatles were not at Woodstock. I believed this was something that was general knowledge, I guess I was wrong. But here are 5 facts about Woodstock you may not know because hippies are jerks and will hold out on you.

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Woodstock is one of the great American institutions, much like the drive-in theater. Unfortunately there are many problems forcing many drive-ins to close down. It will be a sad day when we’re telling our kids that there was a time when we would drive to a giant outdoor screen and watch a movie in our car with out the aid of a DVD. The author has an optimistic outlook on the future of the drive-in, and we hope he is right. We’re not ready to roll the credits on the drive-in.

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This week’s demotivator screams Vegas!

A lot of links this week. We hope it helped you kill a lot of time at work. Just remember this one thing, we’re probably already drunk.

See ya next week!

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com