Cru Jones Society

 

We just got back from Vegas. And while I am completely aware that I am not 22 anymore and I still feel like ass two days later, I still believe Vegas is the best place for a bachelor party. Talking to Dagger a few years ago he casually mentioned he would like to go sky diving for his bachelor party. At that point I was a little nervous as I have a fear of heights and could not fathom throwing myself out of a plane. But that has had me thinking about things I would like to experience in this life. I can thank Rick Reilly for scarring me out of flying in a jet, but the rest of these all have real possibilities.

Be a Vegas High Roller

Our second night in Vegas we were suited up a la Barney Stinson. We looked like we owned the place. It would have been so much more bad-ass had we won big. While some of the crew was up from gambling, I’m talking about monstrous winnings. The kind of thing where the casino owner knows who I am and gives me a suite. But a suite not just for the rest of my stay, but a suite every time I visit.

This would be great on so many levels. First it would kick in as I was playing. I like to imagine doing this playing craps. Being the hot roller, the whole table is up and having a good time. I start winning then increasing my bet and I become fully aware that I have just paid for my trip and then some. On top of that I’m having a blast. Second I start getting all the awesome comps from the casino. This would be the best way to feel like a celebrity; all the sweet ass perks and none of the stupid b.s. And how great would it be to know you always had a free room when you went to Vegas? But it’s got to be done some where sick like the Venetian or Bellagio.

Attend a Lesbian Wedding

There are really only a few places to do this one, all of which are places I’ve never been to, so there is that. Really I would like to attend many weddings for customs other than Christianity. I heard Jewish weddings are a lot of fun, and I think a lesbian wedding would be along those same lines. I also think it would be great to witness something that seems taboo at the moment, but hopefully as time goes on it becomes another standard.

Then there is moment when the happy couple kisses. One of the few times there are more than just college boys cheering for two girls kissing. Also I wouldn’t feel so bad when I get rejected at the reception. Aside from those, a gay wedding in general, men or women, would probably be an all around good time. The gay people I know really know how to throw a party, and one where they get to express their love for each other I could only imagine would top any of those parties.

Attend a Hollywood Premier

Not just attend one, but attend one in style. If I could go as a guest of one of the stars, that would be the ultimate. Show up in a limo in a suit professionally put together. Walk the red carpet with dozens of people taking my picture, and hundreds watching in awe as they think about me banging the leading lady. I’d be alright with that.

Then I get inside and I would get to watch a movie. And a movie that only a handful of people had seen. Then I would attend a swanky after party where the leading lady I’m with receives a bunch of praise and she would feel great. The compliments and flattery I like to pretend would lead to a night of amazing sex. A movie, a party, and amazing sex; these things make up my idea of a perfect date.

The Gumball 3000

I can’t remember if that was what was actually called, but I am talking about that cross continent car race they did on Jackass. So basically I want to be in a sick ass car with my buddies and race across Europe.

A supped up fast car: awesome. Traveling across foreign countries: awesome. Traveling across Europe in a supped up fast car: double awesome! Doing that with good friends: super double awesome! I think this would be a fun way to visit Europe. Sure there would be a lot of things that you would miss, but you could hit those on the way back. I remember driving 8 hours across the state with some good friends and we had a blast. I could only imagine this would be like that, but enhanced.

Ride In a Helicopter

Probably the most attainable goal on this list. Helicopters defy the laws of physics and probably shouldn’t fly, but that is part of their appeal. I did say at the start I was afraid of height, but this might just be one way I can over that. Then maybe I’ll be ready to jump out of a plane with my best friend.

It seems like there are not a lot of people who have ridden in a helicopter. I seem to know someone who knows someone who has, but no one directly. I want to be one of those people who have gone on a helicopter ride. Maybe this is just one of the fantasies I have to grasp a childhood memory. This is how I will pretend to be a G.I. Joe, right up until I get overwhelmed from the height and movement and throw up and pass out. A helicopter ride will most likely end the same way many of my Saturday nights have, so at least I’ll be prepared.

Well those are a few fantasies I have and hope to reach before my time is through. I don’t have high hopes for them, but maybe some day. Mostly it is the dream that matters. Dreams are what help us plow through the ho-hum of our day to day. These are a few of mine and God help me, I will keep searching for the rainbow connection.

See ya at the dream factory…

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com