Hawaiian style, baby! 

Ahhh, the innocence of youth. The whole world is ahead is of you. You don’t have a job. You don’t pay taxes. You have summers off. And you believe the celebrities you have a crush on might actually like you back someday. We asked you to revisit this idyllic time in your lives and share with us your answer to the question: Who was your childhood celebrity crush?

CJS Staff & Regulars share the first people to put a tingle in their bottom in this week’s Confessional. As always, we have a new question for you to consider this week after this week’s responses. So pull out your cootie catcher and find if the object of your love hearts you back.

Slip that math nerd the tongue, Kevin! 

E Dagger: I remember the very first moment I ever felt uncomfortable while watching television. It was January 31, 1988 (I looked that up – I’m not crazy), the premiere episode of “The Wonder Years.” Winnie Cooper finds out her brother was killed in Vietnam, so she races into Harpers Woods where Kevin finds her and comforts her. I remember as he took off his Jets jacket and put it around Winnie, my stomach tensed up and I braced for the worst to happen. Ironically enough, I thought of Fred Savage’s words from the previous year in The Princess Bride and rephrased them to fit this situation, “Is this a kissing show?” I thought with disgust. Sure enough, he kissed her, and even though part of me hated it, I knew it was the right thing to do, and I was undeniably intrigued. So, from that point forward, from the time Kevin kissed Winnie in the woods, to the time I kissed my first girl 7 years later, to Kevin finally slipping her the old salami in that abandoned barn during the rainstorm, I always had a crush on Winnie Cooper.

On a slightly more embarrassing note, I inexplicably found myself attracted to DJ Tanner on “Full House” and always had this weird hope that one day She-Ra Princess of Power‘s outfit would shift and we’d get a glimpse of her undercarriage. Chalk up the first one to me not knowing any better like 25 million other Americans who watched that show in its prime, and the second one to me being a weird little kid who saw his first Playboy at 7, and who extensively played doctor with a girl whose family went to the same pool my family did when I was 5. Through little fault of my own (the Playboys belonged to a friend, and I saw them at his house; and that girl started it), I became an oddly pervy little kid at an early age. And before you can say it yourselves: No, I haven’t changed since then.

Who didn’t have one of these posters?

Lee S. Hart: This was a hard one to pin down since I’m not a playa, I just crush a lot. But thinking back there are two that really come to mind. First there was Kathy Ireland. I never really knew what exactly she did, actually in general I didn’t really know what the hell a super model did. But dammit Kathy Ireland was hot enough for me to obsess over. I think it had a lot to do with her eyes (and her body, of course). I recall three years running when I bought her calendar and she is the only reason I have seen Necessary Roughness more than a few times.

My other childhood crush was Christina Applegate, or more specifically Kelly Bundy. I watched so much Married…With Children when I was younger it was only natural that I developed this crush. But Kelly was hot and she wore tight slut-tastic outfits. Her dumbness was sort of a turn off, but it did make her funny. I thought I was over this when I realized she only went out with greasy, dumb, motorcycle type guys. I was nowhere near her type, nor did I want to be one of those types. But lately I’ve been watching a lot of reruns of this great show and there are still some of those feelings I once had, maybe a little stronger now since I’ve become more aware of things and realize Kelly is a character and Christina Applegate is actually a pretty swell actress. But there is still nothing like the way I felt watching Kelly when I was younger. Those were the good old days.

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And now it’s our readers’ turn. Two of our female Regulars had the same crush growing up, and I’m willing to bet they didn’t even know it. But we look forward to their next rendezvous where they get together in their pajamas over some ice cream and gush about how cute this boy band sensation is right before they practice kissing on each other. CJS will be there to surreptitiously tape the proceedings assuming we’re not already dead after they read this paragraph. And our last submission doesn’t even have a celebrity (not a huge one, anyway – she’s a car racing correspondent for NBC), but the story is so good we’ll let it slide.

Was he “the cute one?” I know Donnie was “the tough one,” but which one was the cute one?

Lady E: Wow! What a hard question to answer! Growing up there were so many people to have crushes on! Hormones start flowing, you start to discover members of the opposite (or same) sex and your little heart just starts breaking all over the place!

I think that my number one crush growing up was Joey McIntire from NKOTB. He was the youngest in the group and just too cute!! He sang sappy love songs and I swore that he was singing them to me. He was cute, could sing and dance! What’s not to love?

And I will also admit that I totally had the posters and buttons galore! Although (and thankfully) my mom would never get us the sheets and/or lunch boxes…

Corriander: Ok, I know I will receive endless amounts of crap for admitting this, but I suppose that’s what the confessional is all about, right?  My childhood crush was on, none other, but the super talented, super hot, super cheesy boy band…

New Kids on the Block.  Yep.

Every day after elementary school I went to my friend’s house until my parents were off of work.  While we admired almost all of them, we each had our own New Kid that we “obsessed” over.  Since I was the shorter one, I chose little Joey to be the objection of my affection.  My parents didn’t allow me to put up posters in my bedroom, but hers did.  We would sit on her bedroom floor, staring up at the poster on the back of her door, drooling and talking about how much they would love us if they only knew we existed.

The other crush we both had was Michael J. Fox.  I cannot even tell you how many times we watched Teen Wolf.

Kristatothemax: My top 3 list excludes the New Kids On The Block, all of which I had a crush on at some point or another, except for Donnie & Jon.

Pirates visit his locker all the time for some reason…

1.  Davy Jones from The Monkees.  That show was on re-runs on Nickelodeon when I was in Kindergarten, and I’d watch if before school.  I used to wish that Davy were singing “Daydream Believer” just for me.  It was really more about the rock stardom than his good looks (?).  By the way, I can hear you laughing, Hart, and to you, Sir, I say shut up!  The Monkees did learn how to play their own instruments….  Eventually.

2.  Jay Underwood as Eric, the autistic, mysterious, flying dreamboat neighbor in The Boy Who Could Fly.  Remember when he visited Milly in the hospital and took her flying up in the clouds with the fireworks all over and kissed her and gave her a rose and then when she woke up in the morning she thought it was a dream but then THE ROSE WAS THERE by her open window?!?!  Of course you don’t.  You’re boys.  Anyway, that happened, and as an 8 year old, I definitely wanted to be his girlfriend.  He wouldn’t talk much, he’d bring me flowers, and take me flying!  Sigh…

3.  Aladdin.  I was sure he’d be a mega-babe in real life.  HUNK ALERT!  Way hunkier than that d-bag, Prince Eric.

Deuce freaking out amusement park workers…

Deuce: When I was a little lad, my biggest crush was on Belle from Beauty and the Beast. She was cute and she was sweet and I was way (err marginally) better looking than that beast. It didn’t even stop when I got older. After college graduation, Mrs. Deuce took me to California to go to Disneyland for the first time. While there, she pointed out Belle to me and I chased her down while she was trying to go on break just to take my picture with her.

The one on the left, for those of you who have trouble remembering that type of thing.

CassieB: Damn you CJS Editors for putting Zack Morris as your example as a childhood crush!  That was definitely my number one…

Coming in at a close second was Corey Haim in License to Drive.  Ohhhhhh…I LOVED HIM as Les Anderson!  And more than that, I wanted so much to be Mercedes Lane (played by Heather Graham) and drive that gorgeous little white Volkswagen Rabbit convertible. 

Favorite quote: “No thanks Dad, I already have a Mercedes…”

Image can be found at www.kellistavast.tv. That’s Floyd Mayweather Sr. with her.

Dzayson: Hello all, Dzayson here. As E Dagger can confirm, I am a first-ballot inductee in the Unrequited Love Wing of the Misery Hall of Fame. And the first one was young Kelli Stavast (you know she was a hottie with the moxie to spell her first name with an “i” instead of “y”.) From grades two through six at the fabled Maple Grove Elementary, she owned my wee heart. And in her honor, I will share an appropriately embarrassing story:

So, I had this friend in the third or fourth grade who kept trying to rope me into his bible study class. Eventually he found out I liked Kelli and played his trump card: she was in his Jesus class. I agreed immediately to join him that week. So we went and for whatever dumbass reason, the teacher had an icebreaker activity where we all circled up and shared what we had to eat that morning. I wasn’t trying for laughs or anything when I answered honestly that I ate a Snickers Fun Size bar that morning. But holy hell, the room busted up like a Carlin audience, Kelli included. I was on cloud nine for the rest of the bible study thing. Next week, I went again with my friend, eager to capitalize on what I envisioned was the beginning of true love. However, that week we had serious business to attend to and lacked the time for breakfast sharing. It didn’t take long before I figured out that it would be harder to weave humor into religious discourse, so I suggested that we do the breakfast icebreaker again. Even though she was eight, Kelli sniffed out my effort like a pile of b.s. and rolled her eyes accordingly.

After that, I went ahead and spent the next three fruitless years pathetically attempting  to woo Kelli Stavast. The closest I came to success was touching her shoe one time when her foot got stuck in my desk. And man, that shoe really felt wonderful…

(Did I happen to mention that I am now an adult serial killer?)

THE END

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Since we’re in the realm of childhood, and since a couple of you mentioned musicians, let’s stick around in this realm for a bit. This week’s question is an easy one: What was your first concert? Who’d you go see, and where was it? Who’d you go with? And most importantly, how was the show? Paint the CJS a little picture of how your first concert was.

We want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile, or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Don’t be shy and send us your response, along with your posting name to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll put them up next week.

Dagger & Hart

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