Top 4 Movie Characters I Would Like To Be
It has been said a good story is dependent on great characters. This goes for movies as well. And if Halloween is any indicator many of us have fantasies of being these characters we see on the big screen. While some characters hold obvious appeal like Captain Jack Sparrow, Batman, and John Shaft, I often find myself wishing I was different characters. Here are the top 4 movie characters, who don’t have super power or are Muppets, that I would like to be. Now let’ get to work.
Character: Winston Wolfe
Portrayed By: Harvey Keitel
Movie: Pulp Fiction
Why I Want to Be Him
The Wolf is called in to clean up a royal mess. Without hesitation he assesses the situation and develops a plan. The entire time he stays totally freaking cool. He doesn’t even get pissed when Vincent Vega cops a little diva attitude. I wish I could approach every situation with this sort of calmness and ability to quickly find a solution. There is also that je ne sais quoi that makes you believe that at any moment Winston could kill you and nobody would know. The icing on the cake is it is just after 8:30 in the morning and The Wolf is in a tuxedo. You know who wears a tuxedo that early in the day? A total badass, that’s who. After looking at Dagger and Lady E’s wedding pictures and watching The Wolf, I have taken up the idea I want to wear a tuxedo more often, especially at 8:30 in the morning.
Why Not Other Characters From the Movie
Let me start off by saying damn near everyone else in this movie is a badass, but they all have downfalls which The Wolf lacks. Jules gives up a well to do life to wander around like a bum. Vincent gets shot to hell after taking a dump, not really a way I want to go. Marsellus Wallace is anally raped by a hillbilly. Mia Wallace has a drug problem that almost did her in. Butch might be the next best choice, but he walks around with a watch that was up two grown men’s asses for a combined 7 years. I don’t care how much cleaning that goes through, you can’t wash away the knowledge of where it has been.
Character: Lester Burnham
Portrayed By: Kevin Spacey
Movie: American Beauty
Why I Want to Be Him
Lester Burnham’s life is pretty much garbage, then one day he says he has had enough. Lester completely changes his life, from his out look to his drug habits. Lester basically says to hell with it all. Before losing his job he exploits his boss to get a nice severance, he takes up smoking weed, and he lusts after an 18 year old. I admire Lester’s approach of finally living his life how he wants to. This new lifestyle of his appears to give him happiness. He doesn’t even get that pissed when he finds out his wife was screwing around on him. Lester is living his life exactly how he wants to. I can only hope my last year alive goes as well as this, well sans the job at the fast food joint, that does not sound the least bit appealing.
Why Not Other Characters From the Movie
Is this a real question for this movie? There is the frumpy unpopular girl; the weirdo who gets a little too excited about garbage floating around; the attention craving little brat or the cheating whore of a wife; or the hate mongering ex-Marine who doesn’t trust his own son. What reason could there be to want to be any of these people?
Character: Banky Edwards
Portrayed By: Jason Lee
Movie: Chasing Amy
Why I Want to Be Him
Banky’s job is writing and inking a top selling comic book. I would be him for the job alone. Banky is also a loyal friend and is always watching out for his best friend’s ass. I think what I admire most about Banky is the way he doesn’t hold anything back. He will tell you exactly what is on his mind. He seems to lack the filter most of us have towards social norms. To freely ask a lesbian about all those sex things I want to know would be fun. Then there is the giant bag of porno magazines Banky has. That thing is impressive and I wish I had it, or you know something that makes me sound less pervy.
Why Not Other Characters from the Movie
I think in some aspects I have already been Holden McNeil. Pining over a completely unattainable girl, thinking I have sort of a shot. I don’t want to do that again. Being Alyssa would mean I would have to hear that obnoxious voice every time I talked and deal with a lot of drama I am the cause of. Jay and Silent Bob are a couple of burn outs who have noting better to do than hang out in front of a convenience store or try to travel to a fictional town. Hooper X would be the best option. While I having nothing against gay people, it is not the lifestyle I would like for myself. Though it would be great to be able to scream, “Black rage!” in order to sell comics.
Character: Mark
Portrayed By: Ethan Embry
Movie: Empire Records
Why I Want to Be Him
Mark represents the optimistic and starry eyed teenager I once was. Although laced with pot, his mind is focused on one thing: starting his band, Marc. He has a minimum wage job, but it doesn’t matter since he gets to hang out with his friends and listen to music all day. All he knows is metal, weed, and the tiny world that is Empire Records yet he couldn’t be happier. Though that may just be the weed. He doesn’t even really seem that freaked out when he hallucinates being eaten by Gwar. I think it is the simplicity of his life that I want. And the ability to enjoy such a simple life.
Why Not Other Characters From the Movie
Empire Records is a hodge-podge of dysfunction. I guess it really is a mirror of our own lives and the people in them. But these are problems I don’t want to have. Lucas lost all of his boss’ money gambling, that seems like something I wouldn’t want on my conscience. A.J. obsesses over a girl and has a hard time telling her how he feels, been there, done that. Corey has an addiction to uppers; she’s so excited like Jessie Spano. Gina seeks approval in the bed of strangers. Jane is suicidal. Warren steals. Joe has to deal with the problems of a bunch of teenage bastards. And Rex Manning is an aged sex idol whose career has become oh so sad. So yeah I think the stoner metal head is the best option.
See ya in the pictures…
lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com
10 Nov 2009 Lee S. Hart