Cru Jones Society

 

Chanukah has come and gone; Christmas is but a few days away and we all know the important part of these two holidays is the presents. You stay good all year in hopes of that one perfect gift, and when you do get that gift it makes the day, or 8, that much more special. To that end we asked the question: What was the best gift you ever received for Christmas, or Chanukah? We’ll take a look at the gifts left at the CJS houses first, and then off to the homes of some of readers to see what they got.

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Lee S. Hart: This happened when I was 5 or 6, and would ultimately lead to large collection I have today. I got Castel Grey Skull and a bunch of He-Man action figures. This stands out a lot too because they weren’t wrapped, they were all set up under the tree. The Castle out of the box and all the figures placed in or around the castle. He-Man was right on top manning the futuristic laser canon thing and that was the first thing I saw as I ran out into the living room that Christmas morning.

As I unwrapped more presents that morning I got a few more figures and the Land Shark and I had the most fun with these toys than with any other Christmas present I ever got, including various Nintendo systems. This also led to my love of action figures and I still go to the toy aisle whenever I’m in a store with toys.

I spent the rest of the day, as well as the next several years, playing with those toys. It was such a simpler time.

E Dagger: Since Hart has the He-Man tip covered (my favorite childhood gift, incidentally, was Snake Mountain when I was also 5), I’ll go in a different direction. One Christmas that really sticks out for me is when I was 20.

We could be here for a month of Sundays discussing the objectionable qualities of my girlfriend at the time, but in general, the holidays with her and her family were always quite lovely. Lots of friendly, smiling family members (compared to the uptight, stress-addled, sense of obligation punctuating the Dagger family holidays), tons and tons of food, and gifts for everyone. Her grandfather made this incredible chocolate cake that I loved, so for Christmas he baked me one. I ate it for breakfast for the next week and a half, and screw Quaker Oats and Wilford Brimley, chocolate cake for breakfast is “the right thing to do.”

But the gifts that stand out most in retrospect were Strung Out’s “An American Paradox” album, and the “Best of Jackass Vol. 2 & 3″ on VHS. And the best part of Christmas gifts, as we all know, is the immediate gratification. Since I was attending the 11 pm Christmas Eve service that night, as I left my girlfriend’s family’s house, I popped in Strung Out immediately and rawked~! on the way to church to listen to “Silent Night” and “O Come All Ye Faithful” and promptly rocked all the way home too. Then at 12:30 I popped in one of the Jackass tapes, and as Johnny Knoxville attempted the Abe Lincoln “beard of leeches” I thought about how great this Christmas was.

Punk rock, awesome cake, a little God, the juvenile disgustingness of the Jackass crew, and a couple hours to yourself. Merry Christmas, Dagger.

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Maristredfox gives an answer that we think a lot of people could agree with.

Maristredfox: Three words: Nintendo Entertainment System

Meanwhile, CassieB has a hard time picking one favorite, but she did narrow it down to three.

CassieB: This was a tough question for me…to narrow down the many gifts over my 31 years of life was virtually impossible.  So it came down to a three way tie, each very different, but very awesome in every way. 

Favorite Christmas Gift Number One:

A 3 foot tall, stuffed Fievel Mousekewitz

I am sure this stuffed animal still exists somewhere in the dark shadows of my mom’s basement, and now I am excited to go try to find it!  This 1986 film (An American Tail) was my favorite for years, and even now the tune, “There are no cats in America…and the streets are paved with cheese…” gets stuck in my head when thinking about it.   

Favorite Christmas Gift Number Two:

A hamster (white with red eyes…albino hamster) 

Seriously, just looking at this picture scares the hell out of me.  Who would really want a hamster on purpose?  And an albino hamster nonetheless?  Somewhere in the mid 1980′s I wanted a hamster.  So Santa Claus decided I was good enough during the year to put one under the tree for me.  I named him Gizmo, like the creature in the Gremlins movie.  I loved this little guy for the 4 days I had him and then he died of a bad case of diarrhea.  Dammit…now you’ve got me crying again.

Favorite Christmas Gift Number Three:

A pap smear from my husband.  Ha ha, just kidding.

Really: My new car

So technically Christmas 2009 hasn’t actually come and gone.  But I got my gift two days ago and it is freakin’ fantastic.  Santa got me a Land Rover LR3 (black on black) with many bells and whistles including a COOLER in the console.  Thank goodness, no more warm road sodas!  This thing is so complex that I actually drove an hour with the rear windshield wiper on because I had no idea how to turn it off.  Apparently I have been a REALLY good girl this year.

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It would appear a lot of our readers made it on to the naughty list and didn’t want to share the story about the lump of coal in their stockings. We hope this year treats tem better and they get just what they asked for. As for us, all we want for Christmas is for you all to continue reading.

Before we get to the next question, we want to let you know about our reduced schedule for the next two weeks. In order to try and deal with hoopla that is the holiday season, we need to take the next couple of Tuesdays and Thursdays off. But Hart will be here Wednesday and Friday with the CJS Bigass Christmas Post. We’ll still have the confessional next Monday and Dagger will wrap up the year with The CJS Year in Review next Wednesday and Friday. After that we will get back to bringing the jokes on a daily basis.

Now with that business out of the way, let’s get to the next confessional question. We’re still talking Christmas and we want to know: What is your favorite thing about the Christmas season? If you’re a pain in the ass stick in the mud like E Dagger, tell us something that drives you crazy about it too. From an abundance of sweets to 12 drummers drumming, there’s a lot to hate or love about the season and we want to hear about it.

We want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile, or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Don’t be shy and send us your response, along with your posting name to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll put them up next week.

Dagger & Hart