Cru Jones Society

 

Welcome back to the Monday Confessional where today we asked you the question: What are the things that you love and hate about the Christmas season? We’re guessing most of you were too busy last week either with your endless supply of merriment or your persistent staving off the desire to drink a quart of vodka and open a couple of veins in the bathtub to respond this week, but we forgive you. The holidays are crazy times for everyone, but despite the annual insanity, the Cru Jones Society must continue to forge ahead.

After this week’s responses, check out next week’s question because there will be a prize for whomever answers it best. We’ll also have a word about our schedule, and what to look for in the new year. But for now, let’s focus on the joys and miseries of the Christmas season.

 

Lee S. Hart: After 8 years in retail I found many reasons to hate Christmas time. Christmas tunes pumped through my ears 40 hours a week for two months, and since the songs were limited (they couldn’t play any Christian ones – God forbid they offend someone). I watched consumerism at its absolute worst. But the thing working retail made me hate the most about the Christmas season was watching how angry, grumpy and mean people became. I was always under the impression this was the one time of the year when people were supposed to be jolly and nice. So watching these people act like such assholes just made me sad.

This is my second Christmas removed from retail and I am really beginning to remember why I like this time of year. Not dealing with the inhumanity of Christmas shoppers makes the season bright and it seems more peaceful. The lights seem brighter, the trees smell fresher, and the Christmas food tastes better.

I think my favorite thing about this time of year is the Christmas lights. I enjoy a drive around the neighborhoods and looking at the houses all lit up. The festive colors against the dark snowy night are a sight I really enjoy – though it might just be my predilection for bright colorful objects.

E Dagger: This is not my favorite time of year, and I find that with each benefit of the season comes an equal and opposite pain in the ass. For instance, for the last three years, my company has given me a week off at Christmas time. Great, right? And it sure would be, but the reason everyone ostensibly has time off around the holidays is because you have so damn much to do.

This year on the week before Christmas I spent Monday doing my Christmas shopping, Tuesday, re-arranging furniture in our house and organizing the garage, and Wednesday cleaning the house. Thursday was Christmas Eve which meant cooking and preparation, and then Christmas Day spent at both families’ houses. It’s not that I’m complaining about doing all that – it needed to get done sometime, and having guests over on Christmas Eve was as good an excuse as any – but ideally, that’s not how you’d like to spend a week off.

If my company gave everyone a random week off in the middle of July, I’d probably spend it alternating playing softball in the park, and drinking by the pool. So yeah, time off is nice, but because of the holiday madness, it’s all spoken for.

And that’s how everything else goes too. The food is generally awesome, but at the end of December your clothes don’t fit like they’re supposed to. Giving and receiving gifts is great, but that means spend spend spending and the potential for awkwardness that always accompanies the art of proper gift giving. Decorations and lights brighten every cold winter’s night, but you’re basically just adding chores to your list of things to do.

So while I’ve learned to keep most of my anti-Christmas rhetoric to myself (and by and large I had a lovely holiday this year thanks in large part to the coolness of Lady E), I will reiterate what Zebrahead says about Christmas, “I’m glad it only comes one time a year.”

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And now we turn to our lonely readers. Only two of you wrote in this week, but since we can’t have quantity, we’re happy what we did receive was of such high quality. Corriander’s turning into quite the Confessional regular – and we love her for that – and Brad H. brings the funny yet again. Watch out for this guy in the new year. What do we mean? You’ll just have to wait and find out…

Corriander: I have to confess that I really like most things about Christmas.  I like shopping for my loved ones and hopefully finding something that they’ll really like and won’t expect.  I do like to try to find a day when the stores are less busy as the thing that drives me absolutely crazy about Christmas is the crowds of people who mostly forget all manners.  That’s why you’ll never see me out on Black Friday.  Anyway, I especially love baking Christmas goodies, and since I hosted Christmas dinner this year, the cooking part wasn’t too bad either.    I love putting up my Christmas tree each year, and it must always be a real one.  I love most Christmas songs and I have to admit I’ve had my car radio tuned to KOSI for the continuous Christmas music for most of this month.  But, I think my most favorite part is all the Christmas lights.  When I was little we would spend an hour or so Christmas Eve night driving around and admiring the Christmas lights in various nearby neighborhoods.  Now I like the more tasteful light displays, not the over the top ones, but I always love seeing this first sign of the Christmas season.

Brad H: What’s my favorite aspect of the Christmas season? Well, believe it or not, this is the best time to check out women at the mall! That’s right! The holiday season is your best chance to see the highest percentage of attractive girls in one spot, all at the same time! Girls are doing what they do best this month: shopping! Whereas throughout the year they’re going to the mall sporadically, in December, every chick in town is shopping at the mall.

And what better place to do your stalking? It’s a self-contained habitat! You can follow chicks from Sears to Dillard’s under the guise of “holiday shopping”. If people notice you more than once, they’ll just think you’re a disorganized shopper. But the truth is that you just needed a second eyeful of that luscious rack. Then, after you’re exhausted from “rubbing one out” in the public bathroom (someone else can clean up after you for once!), you can re-fuel from the multi-cultural smorgasbord known as the Food Court to satisfy your eclectic hunger. Even then, there’s probably some cute 16 year old (wait, make that 18. I don’t wanna sound like a perv) working the Orange Julius on holiday hours to pay for her trip to Europe after graduation.

Come to think of it, now you’ve got a good icebreaker! If you just bought some Chick-Fil-A from a cute girl, ask her if she’s going to France. She may wonder where that question came from, and the people standing in line behind you might think you’re wasting their time, but as a naive young girl she’ll entertain your b.s. questions with even a simple answer like, “um, no? But someday I want to”. Actually, if her customer service is any good and she wants to keep her part-time job, she’s required to pay attention to you. After you reply by telling her, “you know that’s where all the naked ladies dance?” sign your credit card receipt with your cell phone number and leave it with her.

Another obvious advantage of the mall is that there are dozens of changing rooms with females undressing and trying out clothes. They should probably be buying gifts for friends and family, but girls get a free pass toward selfishness. So don’t dwell on it. Just find a store that simultaneously sells men’s wear and occasionally “get lost” trying to find the men’s dressing room. Also, wear your cell phone on your belt and accidentally bump into something so that when it falls off and slides under the dressing room door, you establish a connection with the hottie on the other side. This also works with sunglasses.

See you at the mall! (through binoculars)

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The final cherry on top of the yearly holiday sundae is always New Year’s Eve, or as we like to call it, Amateur Night #1. Novice drinkers surrounding the city descend upon the nearest metropolis to clog up the bars and make everyone’s drive home just a little more dicey. Make sure you take precautions in getting home New Year’s Eve – we don’t want to have to add you to the CJS ghoul pool.

Which brings us to this week’s question. Last year we kicked off 2009 with our annual predictions article which included three famous people we thought would bite the dust. This year, we want your input too. So answer this question: Which 3 celebrities do you think will kick the bucket this year? Whoever has the highest score at the end of the year will win a handsome prize. And what prize is that? You’ll just have to wait and find out. But make sure you submit this week because only guesses submitted via email and put into next week’s Confessional will be eligible. So send your three celebrities to staff@crujonessociety.com this week and make sure your voice is heard! You’ll also want to submit to the Confessional as often as you can because throughout the year, we’ll be randomly awarding prizes to our regular Confessors and at other arbitrary points we feel like. You’ll never win unless you play, so become a regular Confessor for a shot at some swank CJS gear.

We’re still on reduced schedule this week, so after today’s Confessional, look for a review of 2009′s notable deaths on Wednesday, and a Happy Friday year in review on Friday. We resume our normal daily weekday updates on January 4.

Also, if you’re not a member of our Facebook Fan Page, be sure to join because this year we’re making it more interactive with invitations to events, opportunities for guest articles, and much, much more. The Facebook page will have exclusive content and announcements not found on our main page, so check back often.

And finally, follow us on Twitter where we yak about stuff 140 characters at a time and point you in the direction of all sorts of coolness from around the interwebs.

Enjoy the last week of 2009, and don’t forget to send in your Confessional responses this week for a shot at a handsome prize at the end of 2010.

Cheerio!

Hart & Dagger