On Monday we gave predictions about who will kick the bucket this year. And tomorrow we have predictions about the rest of the year. But before we get to those we want to look back at the predictions we made for 2009 and see just how well we are at foreseeing the future. So before we move ahead let’s look back at 2009 one last time.
Dagger already covered how wrong we all were at these ones. Dagger had Amy Winehouse, that Honey Bunches of Oats lady, and Mary Kate Olsen and all these people are alive and kicking, at least we’ll count what Amy Winehouse is doing as living. Limon had Wilford Brimley, Don Vito of Viva La Bam fame, and Carson Daly. Oatmeal and mail order diabeetus medicine has kept Brimley alive, as for the other two; well they might as well be dead. Nobody has really heard from them. My picks included Fidel Castro, Ringo Starr and Flava Flav. Flav managed to beat the clock and live another year but I put him on my picks this year. And I was so sure Castro was done for it, but Jitterrawks has him this year. And Ringo Starr remains alive and still the least favorite Beatle.
For this category we were asked which popular 80′s franchise would be resurrected and crapped on with a new release. For example that Karate Kid movie set to be released this year staring Will Smith’s son and Jackie Chan.
We all swung and missed on this one as well. Though Dagger may not be far off on his Top Gun pick. Dagger’s other pick of Three Men and a Baby I could see working. This time she would be a teenager and they would have to deal with her dating and her first period and the hackneyed garbage that makes dads uncomfortable. Two movies about mall cops means I was close with my Police Academy pick, but not so much with a reboot of Back to the Future. Limon had The Goonies, if that Karate Kid movie does well, then we can probably expect a Goonies reboot, so Limon may have just been early.
As for last year’s Oscar, clearly Limon and I did not take this seriously. Limon had Juno, which you may know was a nominee from the year before. And I picked the animated joke Delgo. Dagger had choices that actually had a chance with Doubt and The Wrestler. Unfortunately neither of those movies won and the best picture went to Slumdog Millionaire.
Finally for the movies section we of course had a Rad related question. We made predictions about weather the greatest movie of the 1980′s would see the light of day with a DVD release. We all got this one right as Rad is still not available on DVD. Limon said it best and described our New Year’s Day to the “T.”
“The gods will conspire against us at CJS yet again, and prevent the release of both Rad and MST3K the Movie on DVD. Limon will console himself clutching his copy of Best of the Best in a bubble bath and weeping silently in the dark listening to “I’m Dying Tomorrow” by the Alkaline Trio. Hart and Dagger will continue their nightly candlelight vigil at Dagger’s completely hetero homemade shrine to Cru Jones.”
We tried to guess which show we watch would use 2009 to jump the shark. Both Dagger and I said it would be “The Office.” With the wedding of Pam and Jim it could be said that yes this show has made the jump. I do find it as my least favorite show to watch on NBC’s Thursday night, but that could be due to the strength of the other shows. But “The Office” has felt like it has run its course. Limon chose “House, M.D.” I have seen this show but twice so I am no judge as to say what it has done as far as shark jumping over the last year. For the sake of “House” fans I hope Limon was wrong on this one.
Which celebrity will have their career go in the dumper and concoct a half-cooked reality show in hopes to save it? I said Bud Bundy would show up on VH1 with some awful show. Probably as Grand Master B. Dagger thought it would be Kid Rock or Sarah Palin. Honestly we are surprised it wasn’t Palin, though if we can count all the news shows and such that she appeared on, then we were almost there. Limon just laughed at the word “dumper.”
We all said Bud Light would have the most enjoyable Super Bowl ad. Maybe it did. That was almost a year ago and I have since been bombarded with so many commercials I can barely remember when I saw what, or even what they are selling. The again I do recall us talking a lot about the Ed McMahon/M.C. Hammer cash for gold commercial, so maybe we were wrong. Christ I don’t know. To hell with it.
We took a stab at which rap album would be the best one of the year: Eminem’s “Relapse,” Dr. Dre’s “Detox,” or something completely different. Dre’s never dropped, surprise surprise, and that was Dagger’s choice. I went with the dark horse Willie Nelson and came up short. While Limon’s choice of Devastation Dave the Turntable Slave hasn’t made a mark here in the states, but I hear it is blowing up in third world countries, and those places are always ahead of us with music, right?
In a question we had no business answering, we tried to guess the next “American Idol” winner. It was Kris Allen or this dude. Kris Allen is not a set of male and female conjoined twins, as Limon hoped. Nor is he a hot blonde with a good rack as Dagger guessed and we all wished for. While it is close, he is definitely not one part Axle Rose and two parts Sloth from the Goonies as my nightmares wanted me to guess.
Let’s move away from this sideshow and on to music we actually care about. Without knowing what they had in store we tried to pick what our favorite album of the year would be. I got hosed on this one as I picked the Mad Caddies, who didn’t release an album last year or the Bouncing Souls who got creative and released one song per month over the last year and the full album doesn’t drop for another week. So I didn’t get to hear the entire thing and cannot make a fair assessment. Limon chose Green Day who released a decent album, but it turned out to not be his favorite. And Dagger picked Strung Out, who did end up releasing my favorite album of the year, but Dagger got distracted with some wedding and never got around to picking it up. We were all on the right track but feel just short, that’s a shame.
Watching the banks and car companies fail and ask for help we made predictions about which industry would go the same route. With the airline industry not being that much different than the auto industry and for their penchant at declaring bankruptcy so often I thought that was the smart choice. It wasn’t. Dagger thought the American people would rise up and act like they don’t need to combine all their food in one bowl thus causing a collapse in the fast food market. The American people did not and fast food is as strong and killy as ever. Limon and his one track mind chose the adult film industry which did ask for government help early in the year. It may have not been real and just a marketing ploy, but we’ll count that as a right answer for Limon.
Politics are full of scandals so we tried to figure out which members of Obama’s then newly appointed cabinet would be the first to commit such treason, ok maybe treason was hyperbole, but you know what I mean.
I assumed there would be super villainy from Nobel Prize winning physicist Steven Chu. Considering our lack of super heroes, I’m glad I was wrong on this one. Dagger hoped hometown senator turned Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar would enjoy a nice fallout from a scandal, but Dagger took a more sure bet with Rahm Emanuel, which didn’t pay off. And Limon thought Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano would reveal herself to actually be a 43 year old illegal immigrant. Sadly, that did not happen, making Limon seem only slightly crazy.
Remember when there were a bunch of pirates from Somalia reeking havoc on the headlines, and you know, other ships? None of us expected Somalia would be the enemy country consuming headlines. Ok in fairness it wasn’t all of Somalia, yadda yadda whatever. We had more obvious choices like Russia, Germany, Cuba, and Austria. Yes Austria is an obvious choice. No I don’t have anything to back up that statement.
Enough of these world issues, let’s move on to the world of sports. Every year some sucka gets the privilege of gracing the cover to the latest Madden video game, and every year that sucka falls victim to some injury and misses the better part of the season. We chimed in on who we expected to meet this fate. And we were wrong. I said Ladainian Tomlinson but he was able to be unspectacular on his own. Dagger hoped for Philip Rivers, but that didn’t happen. His real choice was Adrian Peterson who, along with Favre, made the Vikings unbelievable for the first time in a long time. Limon had no idea and frankly he didn’t care either. How dare he not use athletes as moral compasses.
One way to have the Madden Curse play out could involve being a dumbass with a gun, a la Plaxico Burress and here is who we hoped, er, thought would go that route. Dagger again hoped it would be Philip Rivers. I don’t think Dagger likes him very much, I could be wrong. Dagger ultimately picked a guy from the secondary of a middling team with a Napoleon complex, Brandon McDonald. I made the mistake of thinking a hockey player would the guy, but in hindsight that doesn’t make sense, even if it was Sean Avery who had no where else to go but there. This is another subject Limon clearly didn’t give a crap about.
We also tried to pick who would get that lucky trip to the World Series. And only one of us managed to pick a team that made it to the playoffs. Limon chose a topless chick doing a cartwheel. Sadly she definitely wasn’t there, except in our minds. I had the Oakland A’s anyone shocked by that pick? On paper, they looked good in the off season, in reality, not so much. Dagger had the Indians and the “buttf***ing Cardinals.” The Cardinals made it to the first round but ultimately succumbed to the assface Dodgers.
Cru Jones Society!
What predictions would be complete without looking internally? So that’s where we went with this next section.
As of January 5, 2009 we had 42 registered users. We had plans to continue to grow and we tried to guess how many users we’d have by December 31, 2009. As of yesterday, we have 201 registered users of the site, although many of those are spam. Although according to our site analytics, we average more than 15,000 unique visitors per week and we’d love to see more comments and participation in the Confessional. I said we’d double our numbers and then some, Dagger said north of 200 so technically we were right with Dagger coming scary close. I think the fix is in. Limon went slightly over with 643,000 and that doesn’t cut it in the Price is Right.
Food, Sex, or Cars? Has become an annual tradition and our players this year had a good showing. Though the players we thought would win did not. I assumed R would repeat and start a dynasty. Dagger thought Kristatothemax had a good showing the previous year and would pull out the upset. Limon thought we would be attacked by PornSpambot 3000 and he would win after guessing sex for all the answers. I’m starting to think Limon did not take this seriously at all.
As I read over last year predictions I hit this next question that reminded me I don’t like Dagger and Limon very much. And which ever one of those assholes came up with the question “Will another picture of Lee S. Hart in a dress surface on the site in the next 12 months?” is complete jerk. Limon took it further and just figured I would go to the next level of cross dressing and start wearing mini skirts. This is crap I’m not writing about this anymore! Screw you guys!
No, up yours! I said I wasn’t doing this anymore! Just a few more questions? Fine, cock!
Gas prices, where will they be come December 31, 2009? I thought they would be about doubled of where they are at $4.23 and that little 9. That was wrong, but seemed reasonable at the time. Limon thought they would sky rocket to $8.38. Dagger was almost right on the money with $2.50. Apparently someone keeps up on current trends and understands the gas market.
One of our last questions deals with population control. We tried to predict what would be the leading cause of death in the United States, after heart disease. Was it going to be hurricanes, terrorist attacks, or robots becoming self aware? Dagger said people’s heads would explode after reading something so unexpectedly funny on crujonessociety.com. Limon’s idea was a new found lethal-ness of male enhancement pills. I didn’t realize we were allowed to think outside of the box so I said hurricanes.
And finally we each picked three words we assumed would sum up ’09.
Limon: Let’s Get Drunk.
I think that was accomplished.
Hart: Major Hella Aces
It was pretty aces, but I don’t know about major hella.
Dagger: 2009 > Xanadu!
“>” isn’t technically a word. It replaces two words, “greater than,” therefore Dagger is awarded no points on this question.
That’s right, I was keeping score. Dagger got 4 right and 19 wrong. Limon got 4 right and 12 wrong. I got 3 right and 19 wrong. But I award myself more points because Dagger and Limon are a couple of Dutch nozzles for their Hart in a dress question. Therefore I win.
Check in tomorrow as we make predictions for the upcoming year.
See ya at the census bureau…
06 Jan 2010 Lee S. Hart