Cru Jones Society

“Well, we’re doin’ mighty fine, I do suppose,
In our streak of lightnin’ cars and fancy clothes,
But just so we’re reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought ‘a be a Man In Black.”

Johnny Cash would have been 78 today and so this Friday post is dedicated to him, those he has inspired, and all those he was wearing black for. Johnny, thanks for all the great music

To honor Mr. Cash I just wanted to have a black screen up for the day. But I was told that was a stupid idea and was banned from talking for the rest of the meeting. Instead it was decided we would follow our usual Friday format and let you waste your morning, or afternoon, or whenever with a cavalcade of links. Some funny, some interesting, and some just wacky (also probably one about baseball, it’s been known to happen) whatever the case we hope you find one or two you enjoy. Continue Reading »

It wouldn’t be the Olympics on NBC without a giant cock slap of promotion across your face every damn night, now would it? Two years ago I wrote about the poor sap that has to schedule this rotating carousel of vomitous promotional excess with the following passage:

“People who work at television stations are generally insane as it is, they’re moreso during events with live coverage and repetitive commercials. This is especially true when a network is forcing a couple of  semi-wretched looking shows down everyone’s throat and has to air the promos for them to fill in during extra commercial breaks on top of the already excessive scheduled airings.”

Glad to see nothing has changed at NBC in the last two years. But what of the shows they’re force feeding us this year? Let’s take a look… Continue Reading »

On Monday night, the CJS tweeted the following: “Curling, man. Why can’t I look away? Every freaking day I’m watching this ridiculous shit.” That was me.

Despite Erin Burnett and Mario Bartiromo’s ridiculous hotness on their Today Show updates that I inexplicably watch each morning, I have no reason to even acknowledge CNBC’s presence as a network. Jim Cramer is a hollering fool, market wrap-ups have as much utility as your local fortune teller’s latest palm reading, and the stock ticker at the bottom is like an even less interesting version of the college basketball scores that endlessly populate ESPN’s bottom line during February.

Yet, for the last two weeks CNBC has been the network I’ve kept on most. Why? One reason: Grown men and women chasing after 40 lb. stones with brooms for sport.

I don’t know what it is about curling. It’s not terribly exciting. There’s no threat of violence. The sport has been called “chess on ice” which doesn’t normally lend itself to compelling television. And, depending on which nation is represented (and which gender), you’re rolling the dice with either hot chicks or frumpy-looking housewives pushing circular stones at a target several dozen yards away. In short, this seems like a sport that should immediately following the Professional Bowling Tour on ESPN2 each Sunday.

Yet, I can’t get enough of it. Continue Reading »

The Olympics are truly an amazing event. For two weeks they become the central focus for most people. The water cooler talks revolve around Shaun White’s big air, USA wining a sweet hockey game, or the fall of some ice skating couple. Never wanting to be left out, I too become consumed by the Olympics and my thoughts are overwhelmed in the spirit. But sometimes those thoughts don’t generate much and we wind up with some random musings, Olympic edition. Continue Reading »

The past few days of the Olympics have left me disinterested. I’m not sure if it’s because I blew my load on the U.S.A. versus Canada hockey game or if it has been the airing of events like ice dancing and ski jumping. Either way the past couple of days have bored me and I started thinking about some other events I would like to see in the Winter Olympics. I doubt these would make it, but it would be fun. Continue Reading »

We mentioned when we started our Olympic coverage that if you had something interesting about the Olympic you would to share to drop us a line. We are now happy to present to you an article from one of our readers who took us up on our offer. Please enjoy our special guest columnist, CJS regular Corriander.

Tight pants?  There are no tight pants in snowboarding!

Uniform styles have always been a hot topic in all sports and the Olympics are no exception.  There was a ton of attention directed at Michael Phelps’ new Speedo at the Beijing games.  Now we have our own controversies for the Vancouver games and some of them are just ridiculous.  Think that they have something to do with new technology (like the Speedo) or with competitive advantage?  If so, you are wrong. Continue Reading »

We remain balls deep in Olympics coverage here at CJS, and the time has rolled around again for your involvement. Last week we asked you about your favorite Olympic events, so this week we changed it up and asked: What Olympic event always seems like a good idea, but ends up disappointing you?

Think of this question as the once every four years cousin to making microwave popcorn, watching “The Soup,” or checking out Japanese porn – y’know, just to change it up for once – you think you’re going to have a great time, but just walk away unhappy, dissatisfied, and/or disgusted. Our answers are below, yours below that, and the slackasses who join us in the comments section all the way at the bottom.

So let’s make like we’re all virgins again and get disappointed. Only this time, we won’t have any sticky mess to clean up and we’ll be surrounded by awkward European people. What are we waiting for? Continue Reading »

It’s clear we have spent our evenings watching extended coverage of the Olympics. Unfortunately it’s not like four years ago when we were able to spend the days watching even more coverage, but we grew up and had to get real jobs. Though we wasted the week perusing the internet looking for Olympic coverage and in the process we found some other links about Quentin Tarantino, Roger Ebert, and some of our favorite non-Winter Olympic sports. Now position yourself on the starting block and go for the gold. Continue Reading »

Shaun White is the greatest living athlete of our generation.

After watching him obliterate the competition last night in Vancouver, the argument is closed. No one is doing the things Shaun White is doing on the halfpipe, and few are even anywhere close. And while it’s fun to marvel at Shaun White’s technical ability and limitless ability to push the boundaries of the sport he now reigns supreme over, that’s not even the best part of watching him. So, what is the best part?

In a word: Joy. Continue Reading »

If you need one reason why the Winter Olympics are superior to the Summer Games, you need only remind yourself of that miserable, angry hedgehog who calls the diving competition. I still have no idea what her name is, and frankly I don’t care because that would likely only angry up my blood even further. You know who I’m talking about. She’s the one that no matter how perfect a dive looks, she’ll find something miniscule to needle about it and project much lower scores than the diver will actually receive.

So when I make the following comparison, please don’t take it as a knock against the generally pleasant ski jumping announcer. He’s basically fine. But watching ski jumping is exactly the same as watching diving in the summer. Continue Reading »

Poor Lindsey. She had to put up with hackneyed criticism of her misguided hot-dogging for four years only to fall short once again at the Winter Games.

By now you’ve all heard this story at length and probably watched Jenna Bush (of all people) inexplicably try to interview Lindsey after she clipped that gate yesterday. We know how she feels, which is not to say we’re elite level athletes (although I did go to the gym last night where some bitch on the treadmill in front of me switched from Olympics coverage to local Fox news), rather, she’s behaving in a way very near and dear to our hearts.

Lindsey Jacobellis is acting out as many scenes from RAD as she can. We’ll explain. Continue Reading »

When you watch a lot of Olympics coverage, as I do every two years, you become painfully aware of all the large storylines in play thanks to NBC’s god-awful coverage grabbing you by the lips, forcing your mouth open, and cramming the dominant narratives down your gullet to the point you feel like vomiting pieces of Lindsey Vonn’s injured shin all over your coffee table.

So, in the absence of actual quality coverage, you’re forced to find your own little moments to smile at. And my favorite thing from the weekend: The Biathlon Penalty Lap of Shame. Continue Reading »

Every two years I spend two glorious weeks watching the Olympics. Despite the fact I get sucked in and watch the games when the time rolls around, and seeing the best athletes, I still get blown away by the athleticism they demonstrate. Each seems that at each game there I watch a sport I never gave a chance to before and end up as a fan. For these games the sport to claim that title is cross country skiing. Continue Reading »

As I stated yesterday I love Olympic hockey. This has even extended to the point where I have watched a little bit of the women’s hockey tournament. My first thoughts were I love hockey and I love women therefore this can’t lose. Unfortunately hockey chicks look like a cross between hockey dudes and softball chicks. Calling the games was U.S. Hockey Hall of Famer Cammi Granato, and I was completely shocked and put-off seeing the classic hockey nose on a woman. But I’m not totally shallow and I can look past all those things and enjoy a well played game. Of the five games that have aired, I have watched maybe a combined one whole period and here are a few thoughts I had regarding women’s hockey. Continue Reading »

Welcome to the kickoff of your CJS Olympics coverage. Two years ago, we rocked the site with coverage of the Beijing games, and we’re going to do the same this year. Check out the bottom of this Confessional to see how you can get in on the fun. But for now, let’s get to the topic at hand, and the perfect way to begin our Olympic coverage: What event are you most looking forward to and why?

So enjoy the opening ceremonies, and stay tuned for two full weeks of Olympic goodness. Continue Reading »

Been a busy week here at the Cru Jones Society. New ads, new comments system, guest posts… what the hell, right? But thankfully the week’s over, and we’ve collected tons of good stuff for you here once again.

In this week’s edition: The final word on Valentine’s Day, post-mortem on the Super Bowl, how to annoy people at the office, and the ultimate neo-maxi zoom dweebie. Toss a grenade in your schedule and cozy up to Happy Friday. Continue Reading »

Well Valentine’s Day is nearly upon us and as a single guy I’m supposed to be some sad sack right? Well screw that noise, Jack! Valentine’s Day is not just for couples. The world doesn’t stop spinning and the lives of single people don’t freeze for this one day, and we like to do things to. So instead of yelling at the Valentine’s specials on TV, or feeling sorry for myself, or loving myself until it hurts I have come up with some great alternatives so everyone can enjoy this ridiculous holiday. Continue Reading »

Please welcome to the Cru Jones Society, the beautfiul, talented, highly acerbic, Redhead herself, Ms. Erika Napoletano. Please give her lots of love in the comments section, and do yourself a favor by checking out all of her excellent work which she lists at the bottom of this post.

Jesus Christ – is it really Valentine’s Day again?

I hate Valentine’s Day. Haaaaaates it, preeeeecious. In my humble opinion, it’s the most ridiculous pseudo-holiday in existence (right behind Administrative Assistant’s Day… seriously). We clamor for dinner reservations and bitch, whine, moan and complain when our true-love-du-jour fails to deliver the one thing we so desperately wanted (which is inevitably the one thing we never told them we wanted but expected them to read our minds and figure out). In all honesty, V-Day is nothing more than a clearance sale for Christmas under a different name. Sure, the candy’s all heart-shaped, but the wrapping paper is still red. There’s still a chubby superhero mascot, but instead of an old fat guy who likes to play with midgets, it’s a violent cherub toting a bow and arrow. Yeah, yeah, we know “love hurts,” but do you really have to shoot me in the ass each year and remind me?

So guys, sit down. The Redhead speaks. We all know Valentine’s Day is ridiculous. I’m going to give you eight girl-proof tips for avoiding coming off as a total douchebag to your sweetie. Not everyone will approve of my tactics and it’s possible I’m going to pioneer reverse misogyny, but fuck it. I’m tired of the whiny broads that make the rest of us look bad. This one’s for you, guys. Continue Reading »

With Valentine’s Day upon us, there exists no better time of year to return to the Love Lounge. For those of you new here, the Love Lounge is where we dismantle traditional relationship and unmask impostors in favor of real advice and tidbits you can use.

One of our favorite targets is AskMen.com which claims “10 million readers a month.” That thought absolutely gives the terror shivers because 99% of everything you read at AskMen.com is uninspired tripe, misogynistic invective disguised as “wit,” or poorly executed banality. Today’s example fits into that third category as our friends there offer up some “Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas.” Continue Reading »

We’re just under a week away from national date night, also known as Valentine’s Day. But before we can celebrate with that special someone, we have pre Valentine’s stuff to deal with, make reservations, order flowers, cancel the mistress, and get the heart shape boxed of chocolates. And to make sure all that stuff doesn’t kill your spirit we have a whole Valentine’s themed week for you, complete with a special guest column. We’re start this love-dovey week with a look back at past dates. So we wanted to know: What was something unexpectedly awesome that happened to you on a date? The lights are dim, the music is sultry, and the champagne is on ice now let’s get this date started. Continue Reading »