Welcome to the kickoff of your CJS Olympics coverage. Two years ago, we rocked the site with coverage of the Beijing games, and we’re going to do the same this year. Check out the bottom of this Confessional to see how you can get in on the fun. But for now, let’s get to the topic at hand, and the perfect way to begin our Olympic coverage: What event are you most looking forward to and why?

So enjoy the opening ceremonies, and stay tuned for two full weeks of Olympic goodness.

Lee S. Hart: Every winter Olympic season the event I look forward to the most is hockey. I know I spent the last 4 months watching as much hockey as I could, but dammit, I love the sport. And if the NHL is going to be interrupted for two weeks I have to get my fix somewhere. With the bigger stage and the best each country has to offer Olympic hockey has a different, more electric feel to it. And with the games in North America, there is a lot of pressure and excitement for team Canada and team USA to do well, and I love that pressure.

I remember during the last games I was determined to watch the gold medal game. Despite the fact that it was in Italy and the programming times were incredible wonky. I woke up ass early at a friend’s after staying out drinking for her birthday the night before. I laid on her couch, drinking Gatorade and watched the Swedes win that medal. I didn’t care that I felt like shit and needed more sleep, I was not about to miss gold medal hockey. I am stoked this year that the gold medal game is in the middle of the day on a Sunday. It’s like football season again, only better.

I am also looking forward to snowboardcross. The most basic competition of racing, twisted up by throwing on snowboards and racing down an intense snow course. When this event premiered it was a lot of fun to watch I knew then I was going to be hooked. Now I get to watch it again. And as an added bonus there’s ski cross now.

I am so happy it’s Olympic time again!

E Dagger: For me it’s all about short track speed skating. Six people cram onto a tiny track and skate around as fast as they possibly can. It’s total sports anarchy! The lead almost always changes hands like 12 times in the course of a four lap race, there’s always the chance that someone’s going to wipe out and take out half the field, and as Senor Limon said to me during a recent text message exchange, “Apolo Ohno’s ass looks like two volleyballs in a half gallon sack!” How can you lose with this event? The best event is the relay because it’s the closest to Rollerball we’ll ever get. I realize you’re probably thinking that Rollerball sucked fat dick, and you’re right if you’re talking about the one with Chris Klein and LL Cool J, but you need to watch the original with James Caan. That’s a badass movie, and when you watch the movie’s manic chaos and obscene violence, you too will be charged up for short track speed skating relay! Trust me.

Otherwise, any of the downhill ski events always wind my clock. Sure, the entertainment value is high, but invariably the coverage will discuss my favorite Olympian of all-time: Alberto Tomba a.k.a “Tomba La Bomba.” Tomba always appeared to be out of medal contention after the first run, but would improbably pull a brilliant run out of his ass on the second run and win gold or silver. He was a relentlessly exciting skier, made all the better by the fact that the announcers couldn’t resist talking about his greasy Italian playboy ways. He was a ladies’ man of the highest order and always seemed to be photographed with two bimbos on his arm, like all good greasy Italian skiing stereotypes. I can’t wait to see him come up again. And here’s hoping he’s watching the Olympics naked in his hot tub with two chicks with breast implants drinking a fine barbera. Here’s to you, Alberto!


And now we turn it over to our readers. Let’s see what you all are pumped up about for this year’s Winter Games.

Lady E: It was too hard to just pick the one event I am most excited for, so here are my top three.

1. Speed Skating – I LOVE this, they go so fast on little skates and when they crash, they crash hard. Fun and quick to watch

2. Skeleton – Who doesn’t love this? People flying down the mountain, head first (!) at speeds of 80+ mph, on a little metal sled. If they crash, they can die. So exciting! (Ed. Note: Lady E sent this in on Tuesday. And while it was the luge that killed that guy – yikes!)

3. Ski Jumping – I have no idea what compels people to go screaming down a mountain, fly off their ramp in an effort to see who can go the furthest. This to me is like sky diving, why are you jumping out of a perfectly good plane? Why are you jumping off of a perfectly good mountain? These people are crazy, but yet so graceful.

After writing this I realized that the sports I love to watch are the ones I would never try to do. These are the ones that I feel require the most skill (totally debatable, I know) and the biggest pair of balls to do. But with all that being said, I do love a good round of curling…

Corriander: For some reason, I revert to being a 13-year old girl when the Olympics come on – summer or winter.  In the Summer Olympics, I have to watch gymnastics and in the Winter Games, it’s ice skating.  I just can’t stay away from it, I guess it’s nostalgia.  There’s something about being a teenager and seeing what amazing things other teenagers can do.  Those are the two main events (I think) that the average age of the competitors is in the teens, although now some of the snowboard events might fall in that category also.

But for this year specifically, I’m interested in seeing what Mr. Bode Miller is going to do.  I remember last Olympics when he was so hyped and ended up with nada.  Now that he kinda snuck in this year, maybe he’ll actually accomplish something.  Or maybe not…

Brad: I’m looking forward to the Olympic calibur “piss your name in the snow” competition! Sadly, it’s not featured this year. But I’m still looking forward to its possible inclusion the next time around.

Keithage: I’ll admit, there isn’t much I don’t like about watching the Olympics.  Back before I had a day job, I remember watching all sorts of events including the biathlon which isn’t that much fun to watch but I’m think that is would be tough to be good at.  So I’ll just say I’m interested in all of the following events and I’ll try and rank them in order. 

5) Men’s figure skating: I may be confusing real life with Blades of Glory, but I hope Chazz Michael Michaels brings home the gold.

4) Skier/Snowboard Cross: There is just something about a bunch of people racing at the same time that is way more exciting than racing against a clock.

3) Curling: This is a game that you should be required to do with a beer in one hand.  It is like shuffleboard on ice, or Horseshoes on ice, or bocci ball on ice.  It feels like it should be a social event.  Besides saying things like “Since I’m the skip I get to throw the hammer in the last end” is just cool.

2) Men’s Ice Hockey: It’s not as meaningful as Miracle on Ice, but I hope the good ole USA is able to stick it to those communist countries like Russia, Sweden or Canada.

1) Freestyle skiing: This is not the crappy snow ballet shit they had back in the seventy’s.  This is mogul skiing.  The kind of thing for which Johnny Mosley and Jeremy Bloom are famous.  They call it freestyle because a couple times in the middle of the run they put a huge kicker for you to do a trick.  I like it mainly because it is my favorite thing to ski and it is hard as hell to do.  It requires combining skills.  You have to race with good form to beat the clock and you need to keep up your speed to get sufficient air to hit the jump, land well and then race again to the next jump. Awesome. 

Honorable mention: bobsled, skeleton & short track speed skating. 


How’s about the rest of you? Let us know what your favorite Olympic event is down in our brand new comments section. Now then, as for what we discussed in the intro… If you have something interesting you’d like to share about the Olympics – a unique take on one of the events, a funny anecdote about watching with your boyfriend, whatever – feel free to write it up and send it our way. You’re going to see several posts from us over the next two weeks, and we’d love to hear from you too. So if you feel so inclined, write something up and send it to staff@crujonessociety.com

Otherwise, here’s the next Confessional topic: What is the most disappointing Winter Olympic event and why? What event do you psyche yourself up for every year, and for whatever reason, it just disappoints the hell out of you. We know we’ve got ours (in fact, we’ve already hit the wall on some events, and it’s only the third day of competition), so let’s hear yours.

We want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile, or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Don’t be shy and send us your response, along with your posting name to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll put them up next week.

Hart & Dagger