We remain balls deep in Olympics coverage here at CJS, and the time has rolled around again for your involvement. Last week we asked you about your favorite Olympic events, so this week we changed it up and asked: What Olympic event always seems like a good idea, but ends up disappointing you?

Think of this question as the once every four years cousin to making microwave popcorn, watching “The Soup,” or checking out Japanese porn – y’know, just to change it up for once – you think you’re going to have a great time, but just walk away unhappy, dissatisfied, and/or disgusted. Our answers are below, yours below that, and the slackasses who join us in the comments section all the way at the bottom.

So let’s make like we’re all virgins again and get disappointed. Only this time, we won’t have any sticky mess to clean up and we’ll be surrounded by awkward European people. What are we waiting for?

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Lee S. Hart: I used to think curling was the event I would get most disappointed by, but I have become such a fan this year and have watched so much. I made my mom wait for dinner last night so I could watch the extra end in the US women’s match. Curling is tops in book now.

The one event I have tried to watch for years but have always missed, and finally saw this year was the biathlon. And I was not impressed. It probably has more to do with the way I built it up in my mind. I remember hearing there was an event that combined skiing and gun shooting and I immediately imagined the scene in I think True Lies or Die Harder or maybe it was a Bond movie, Christ I can’t remember, but the scene is people strapped with automatic guns chasing down Tasker, McClane, Bond or whoever on skis and shooting at them. I obviously realized they wouldn’t actually be hunting people in this event, but I thought they could do the next best thing and use those big cardboard cutouts cops use to train. You know, shoot the creepy guy and not the lady with the baby.

But I guess with every country having different standards of what is creepy, that may not work. For my most realistic idea of the event I assumed it was downhill skiing and the athlete would have to shoot at targets on alternating sides of the course. I think this would better demonstrate their marksmanship and I would enjoy it much more.

But no, the event is cross country skiing, which I admitted earlier was as bad as I expected, but when I was hoping to see downhill, it sucks. Then for the shooting the best we get is a close up of the face and gun as they aim it. Ultimately not the most exciting thing to watch. And half the time when only get a little image on the screen about if they hit or missed the target. This is all less than thrilling to watch.

Penalty lap be damned, this was a major let down in my Olympic viewing.

E Dagger: Guns and downhill skiing. You’re a dangerous man, and I’m making a motion right now that we never have a CJS Rendezvous at a ski resort. I’m terrified of what you’d bring.

I always think I’m going to enjoy freestyle ski jumping – high in the air, lots of flips and twists, etc. – but I always forget it’s boring as piss. It’s sort of like going to a monster truck rally. You’re stoked that these giant trucks are crushing crappy cars and flying through the air, but after 30 or so attempts, you’ve had enough. Similarly, seeing someone do a double back, double full is sort of cool the first few times, but after a bunch of people have done the exact same thing over and over again, you start wondering what your life would be like without television and if you should read more books. Thankfully you remember that the weirdly hypnotic sport of curling is on cable before it ever gets to that tragic point.

Every approach is the same, they only get one trick (unlike say, figure skating or snowboard halfpipe where participants do basically all the same tricks, but mix them up), and the crashes are always less than spectacular. Mostly competitors just fail to stomp the landing, land on their back, and spring back up like a bobo doll. I’d much rather watch moguls where the speed is greater, the chance for danger is much higher, and the personalities much more bombastic.

To put this in proper elementary school perspective: Moguls rule, freestyle jumping drools. So, nyah.

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Freestyle skiing is the diving of the winter games, which is funny because one of our Regulars apparently has either never heard of the Winter Games, or hates one event from the Summer so much, he’s got to bring it up totally out of context. We endorse this level of dedication to annoyance fully.

 

Salwon: Diving.  Fucking Diving.

-Okay, I’m ready to see some world class athleticism that will dazzle and delight!  Whoa, look at all those spins!  …Okay, the next one is spinning too…and so is the next one…<20 divers later> FOR FUCKS SAKE DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN SPIN!

I don’t know why I fall for it every four years, but I always do.

Gutter: The event I always look forward to but am disappointed in is Bobsled or Luge. I think they are cool events, but it is similar to how I feel about NASCAR or F1 racing, I really find it interesting or would love to do it, but I am bored by watching it. The turns all look basically the same, they have to change the camera every two seconds to keep up with the guy and unless they bump into a wall or something you have no idea of how well they are doing until they finish. I will admit I would watch if a team yelled “Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up, its bobsled time! Cool Runnings!!!”

Lady E: There isn’t one single event that every year seems to disappoint me. Inherently that is nice as I don’t loathe any one event, but it makes for really disappointing times when it does happen. This year, my big disappointment thus far has been ice skating. I LOVE that Evan won gold for himself and America, but everyone else was really below par. The pair competition, EVERYONE was falling. It became a joke between Dagger and I that we were staying awake to see if anyone could make it though without falling. The Chinese couple that won didn’t fall, but still had a pretty big mistake in that the guy dropped his partner, and they were still able to win gold. REALLY? It is the Olympics here people, step it up a notch, please? While the guys were a bit better, in that all three medalists made it through their program without falling, no one else did. Thus making for an easy decision who the top three were… This year, I am annoyed by ice skating and I am praying the 14 year old girls can make it up to me. Seacrest Out.

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With our Olympics coverage wrapping up, the Oscars are just right around the corner. So it’s time to shift your focus into that proper frame of mind. Consult this list of Best Picture Winners (right side of the page) . Got it? Now tell us what your favorite Best Picture Award recipient of all-time is. You can’t cheat and choose one that was nominated or (in your view) robbed, you have to take a winner. So what’s your favorite on the list?

We want to know more about all our readers. So don’t hold back. If you haven’t confessed, or it’s been awhile, or even if you did it last week, we want to hear from you. Confession is good for your soul. Don’t be shy and send us your response, along with your posting name to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll put them up next week.

Hart & Dagger