Cru Jones Society

“Well, we’re doin’ mighty fine, I do suppose,
In our streak of lightnin’ cars and fancy clothes,
But just so we’re reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought ‘a be a Man In Black.”

Johnny Cash would have been 78 today and so this Friday post is dedicated to him, those he has inspired, and all those he was wearing black for. Johnny, thanks for all the great music

To honor Mr. Cash I just wanted to have a black screen up for the day. But I was told that was a stupid idea and was banned from talking for the rest of the meeting. Instead it was decided we would follow our usual Friday format and let you waste your morning, or afternoon, or whenever with a cavalcade of links. Some funny, some interesting, and some just wacky (also probably one about baseball, it’s been known to happen) whatever the case we hope you find one or two you enjoy.

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While Johnny Cash will forever remain a favorite of ours, as well as countless millions around the world, it is doubtful he will get the just respect from the Vatican. In a recent edition of the Vatican newspaper a Top Ten list of the greatest rock and pop albums of all time was published. As one would expect The Beatles took the top spot, and surprisingly Pink Floyd and Michael Jackson both made it. However, Bob Dylan was left off; while we are not necessarily Dylan fans, we had a real problem with the why the Vatican left him off. In their own words, “Dylan was excluded from the list despite his ‘great poetic vein’ because he paved the way for generations of unprofessional singer-songwriters who have ‘harshly tested the ears and patience of listeners’ with their tormented stories.” That’s right; fuck Dylan for inspiring people, what an asshole.

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From sinful music to Sin City, and more sinful music, we take a look at the future of shows in Las Vegas. Cirque du Soleil’s new show is all about Elvis and it looks to be one of the few shows following the Vegas standard of big and elaborate. Many casinos are trying to cut cost and do smaller shows. With these two battling entities it is hard to say what the future of the Vegas show scene will look like. The most important thing I took from this article was the plural of Elvis is Elvae.

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That hot Vegas desert actually sounds fairly inviting right about now. But alas the weather surrounding the CJS offices currently resembles that of Olympic host city Vancouver. So let’s take this opportunity for some Olympic related links. If you tried to tune in earlier this week to the games you may have noticed they were postponed. Well that was all thanks to local man Dominic Wondolowski. Mr. Wondolowski put on his Mr. Plow jacket, started up the old F-150, and proceeded to clear all the snow from the Olympic venues.

Luckily the indoor events were still able to go off without a hitch. This means we got plenty of figure skating. But we still felt we needed more and that is where this clip comes into play. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is Evgeni Plushenko stripping off his clothes to Tom Jones and revealing a Giant Gonzales muscle-painted body suits. And yes, this is the same man who gave Evan Lysacek shit about turning figure skating into dancing. Maybe Plushenko should have made sure his closet was voided of skeletons before throwing stones. Or you know, accept the fact you’re a male figure skater and stop trying to act all tough and put on a façade about what your sport is.

And now for a story of Olympics past. Remember all the hub-bub Chicago and London and whoever else wanted the Olympics made in attempts to get the games in their cities? Well as it turns out not everyone wants to host the Olympics. Take for instance our home city of Denver, CO. In 1976 the IOC picked Denver to host the winter games, politicians and the media were excited, but the taxpayers were not as they realized they would essentially be footing the bill to build the stadiums and shit. A young politician and bond issues got involved and eventually the IOC finally said, “Screw you guys, I’m going home, or Innsbruck, Austria. Whatever.” Thanks-a-lot people living in Colorado who were born at least 27 years before me. We could have had something special and now the IOC won’t even spit in our direction.

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As much as we don’t like the Denver voters of the mid 70’s, there are at least two things we like even less and those things are Radiohead and Jay Leno. Yet when combined, like this commercial, we found it rather perfect. Though we would have preferred it ended with Leno being thrown from his car, with no damage to the car because that is a sweet ass ride and his big ugly chin is lowering its value.

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Saying we don’t like Radiohead may not be a popular thing to say. For some reason people love that band, in much of the same way some people love the movie Avatar. And then there are some people who love the movie a little too much and have gone as far as creating L.A.R.P. –Live Avatar Role Playing. It’s like a Civil War reenactment, yet somehow geekier. The biggest problem these L.A.R.Pers face is crossing paths with L.D.W.W.R.Pers – Live Dances With Wolves Role Players.

Avatar is nominated for the Best Picture Oscar and that means we have a segue into this week’s Confessional question. What is your favorite Best picture winner of all time? Look over this link for a list. And don’t be a jerk and choose a nominee, we want winners only, dammit! Send your winning envelops to staff@crujonessociety.com and we’ll announce them on Monday.

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Are you tired of going to a movie theater and only seeing a movie? Well, you’re in luck. Thanks to the UFC you will soon be able to watch grown men beat the shit out each other on some of the largest screens in the country. Please elaborate Hart. Ok I will. The UFC has struck a deal with several movie theater chains to broadcast their Pay-Per-Views on the big screen. Until these theaters are European style, meaning they’ll sell us beer, we’re going to stick to the bars, but it might be fun every now and then. Based on what we have seen at bars during a UFC PPV, we are under the impression the event at a theater would not be unlike the way Chris Rock describes n-words at the movies. 

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Tiger, Tiger, Tiger Woods, y’all! Yup, he’s back in the news. You’re probably aware that he made a public announcement/confession/acknowledgment/apology last Friday. Denver Post sports writer Dave Krieger is on the same page as us. Tiger’s actions have no absolutely no effect on our lives and is really none of our business. Krieger did give us some further insight of, “How will we ever believe anything Buick tells us again?” This is why I have decided to trade in my Buick this weekend.

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Admiral Ackbar’s response to Tiger’s speech: “It’s a trap!” If you laughed at that joke, then you are a geek. On the bright side you’ll enjoy this story. Some students at the University of Mississippi are trying to get Admiral Ackbar as their new mascot. We have a pretty good suspicion George Lucas will never let this fly, but kudos to the students for searching for a new mascot in a galaxy far, far away.

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These University of Mississippi students will be able to find themselves on the website Why U Got Dumped soon. The site is exactly what it sounds like. People post why they dumped or got dumped. The Ole Miss kids’ will read, “You got dumped because you tried to change the school mascot to a character from Star Wars.” But as you scroll the site you realize it could have been worse, like getting dumped for talking during the premiere of “24,” or ignoring her in the cafeteria. It does make us feel better about our lives though.

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Our weekly Happy Friday is made possible by all the wonderfulness the internet has to offer us. We can hardly remember how we ever lived without it. From comedy writing, to shopping, to information about anything the internet has become one of the most important inventions ever. Yet a mere 15 years ago some believed it would fail and just be another fad to be stored away with our hyper-color t-shirts, slap bracelets, and pet rocks. How completely wrong this author is about EVERYTHING makes this the funniest thing we have read all week. Maybe we shouldn’t harass this poor man, but he probably won’t be reading this, he’ll be reading his newspaper.

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I hear the train a comin’

See ya in a ring of fire…

lee.s.hart@crujonessociety.com